Saturday, July 31, 2010
I'm embarrassed, as an adoptive mother, to hear some of the comments and assumptions people make about you based on nothing but stereotypes. People assume you are all very young, uneducated, on drugs, incompetent, unloving, and dangerous.
My heart aches each time I hear a stereotype being spewed into conversations. These ugly words perpetuate myths and insults.
I know you are women who care about your babies. I know you love the children you placed. I know each of you didn't place out of truth, but out of lies, manipulations, and pressures. I know that your heart aches every day for the children you placed; and I know you will never "get over" or "move past" that choice. I know your children are always in your hearts, and your decision to place them, it never goes away. You probably never stop analyzing it. It creeps back into your brain at times when you least expect it or when you don't want it to keep you company in a baby store, at church, while you're at school, when you're at work.
I don't get "all things birth mother." I'm not an expert. I don't have a psychology degree. But I do have a very close friend who is a birth mother. And my daughter has a birth mother, one whom I love, respect, and care very much about. One who deserves better than the ugly words and thoughts that surround them.
I'm sorry you are judged. I'm sorry you are labeled. I'm sorry you aren't given a chance beyond the label. I'm sorry people have no idea who you really are but insist on making a claim or a judgement against you simply because of one of your life choices. I'm sorry.
I hope that when I'm confronted with questions and comments, I say and do the right things. I don't have all the answers, but I want you to know I'm trying. Sometimes I'd rather change the subject, or ignore the question, or brush off the comment. But I know that's not right. I know I have to do what is right. I have to try.
I hope that if you are reading this, that you won't stop trying. Standing up for what is right does make a difference to someone, somewhere, somehow. If I didn't believe this, I wouldn't try myself.
God bless you as you forever mourn the loss of your children, as you work through adoption time and time and time again, and as you grow, change, and learn.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Today's "Favorite Things" features my top four adoption-education book selections for adoptive parents.
• The Girls Who Went Away (Ann Fessler)
• Raising Adopted Children (Lois Ruskai Melina)
• Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother (Jana Wolff)
• The Open Adoption Experience (Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia)
Monday, July 12, 2010
- They smell fabulous---unlike most ethnic hair care products.
- They are free of many of the nasty chemicals contained in other products like parabens, unknown fragrances, etc.
- They are moderately priced. The website often offers free shipping, and if you search the Net, you can often find coupon codes for 10% off. Some Macy's stores now have Carol's Daughter booths, which I recommend visiting if you are buying the products for the first time and like me, are sensitive to scents.
Specifically, we use:
- The Princess and the Frog Shampoo (once every three weeks)
- The Princess and the Frog Conditioner (twice a week)
- The Tui Leave-in Conditioner (daily)
- Hair Milk (daily)
- Tui Hair Oil (twice a week)
Additionally, I will rub straight up (yup) coconut oil on her scalp which has been exceedingly dry lately.
My goal is to keep Miss E's hair as natural as possible. So many black women have told me "keep it natural" based on their perms and products gone-bad experiences. Because black hair is so dry and often fragile, one bad "beauty" treatment can ruin their hair.
Trial and error is how this whole hair thing works, and hopefully I won't have to try anything new for a long, long time.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
- Families need to understand that a match isn't a guaranteed placement. That baby belongs to his or her biological family if and until that child is legally placed.
- It's not appropriate, we believe, to put a biological family's personal information on blogs, Facebook, adoption message boards, etc. That can be hurtful and harmful to all involved.
- An open adoption, a transracial adoption, a special needs placement, etc. aren't for everyone. However, each person, we advise, should pray about their decisions and let God lead.
- It's essential to be educated! Education eases fears and changes hearts.
We were blessed with the opportunity to meet with waiting families. While we were waiting, many families and individuals took the time to educate us, and we feel that passing on this education will be a positive force in people's lives.