White Sugar, Brown Sugar

Pink or Blue: How About You?

2012-01-28T02:45:00.000-08:00

In the past year or so, since we adopted Baby E, we've been asked multiple times, "Didn't you want a boy?" or "Will you get a boy next?"

Let me be clear:   My husband and I do not feel right choosing the sex of our child.   Just as we didn't feel right choosing our child's race, or if we'd take twins or not.

Why do we not "feel right" selecting which sex we are open to when adopting domestically?   Because that means we are closed to another.

I often wonder, how would an expectant mother, one who is considering adoption, feel if she learned that a prospective adoptive couple wasn't interested in adopting her baby because the baby wasn't the "right" sex?

I understand, to some extent, that if a family's children are all boys or all girls, that they might desire a child of the opposite sex.      Maybe their home has been showered in toy trains and baseballs and Transformers for years, and a little "sugar and spice" might be welcomed.    Or maybe a family of girls would like to experience raising a boy.   I think the curiosity and desire for something (or someone) new is natural.

But, that doesn't make it "right."

I'm not sure when adoption became like a fast-food experience; place your order, wait for it, and ding! it comes up as your ordered.    Adoption is a consumer-driven industry. Adoptive parents hold a lot of power because they fund the industry; therefore, they are also able to make demands that agencies often do not deny (or that they often welcome) because they don't want to tick off the people who fund their business.

I understand that in some circumstances, there are children of a certain sex, disability, or race that are much more available and in need of homes than another.     Particularly, in international and foster adoption. In foster care adoption, there are large sibling groups, many of them minority children, waiting for forever families.

I also agree that there are some unique situations, such as one mama I know, a single woman, who felt raising a girl was reasonably the best decision given that she knew she could "role model" being a woman to her daughter, but who would be a role model to a son should she adopt one?   I also understand and agree with one set of friends of ours who live in a rural area with no African Americans (complete with an active chapter of the KKK), who didn't have the opportunity (job-wise) to move, and therefore, were only open to a Caucasian child.     I think these friends of ours made the best choices they could in their realities.

But I think adoptive families, we walk a fine line.   Adoption, at it's heart, is a selfish choice.   I wanted to be a mother, so we adopted.    Period.   Along the way we tried to make prayerful, selfless choices, but were we always successful? I don't know.    Because what the heart wants isn't always what is right.

Adoptive families need to carefully and prayerfully enter into adoption and all that the process involves. There are many choices to be made---open or closed, which races of children, medical needs, etc.---and those choices affect many people, even people we will never meet.

Adopting is a journey like none other, and I hope each of us can enter into the process boldly and with the conviction to always do what is right.

Favorite Adoption Books

2012-01-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

I have a listing of my favorite adoption resources, but as I go through them, I am sure there are many more out there. Share with me your favorite adoption book (or two or three) and why it's a must-read.

Why We Adopted

2012-01-24T07:43:00.000-08:00

Miss E admiring her shadow

Baby E checking out the melting snow

It is often assumed that Steve and I adopted because of infertility.   This is not the case.      We adopted because in March of 2006, I was diagnosed with type I diabetes.   Type I diabetes is incurable, only manageable.    I'm not going to sugarcoat (no pun intended) this disease; it's 24/7/365, and it's really really really difficult.    This March will mark my six year D-Day anniversary.

Pregnancy with type I is challenging, to say the least.   I have long struggled with hormone shifts and my blood sugars.     Pregnancy is one constant hormone shift.   The potential complications of pregnancy with type I diabetes are scary.   And there is a small (but significant, when it's your family!) risk of passing type I diabetes on to biological children.    (In fact, I know someone with type I who has four children. All four children have type I).

I felt like having biological children, knowing my reality, would be selfish of me.    Does biology really matter?    There are children who need homes.    Adoption was an option for us---financially speaking.

We were questioned, numerous times, when we announced we wanted to adopt. "Don't you want your own?" or   "Maybe after you adopt you can try for your own kids?" Or my favorite, "I know someone with diabetes who had six biological kids with no issues!" followed by arched eyebrows indicating that he or she was waiting for me to embrace them and say, "You are so right! Forget about adoption!"

The greatest sadness in my heart wasn't from saying "goodbye" to the idea of sonograms and an expanding tummy and wondering if the baby would have my good looks (wink) or my husband's. Rather, my sadness came from the assumption by the general public that adoptive families are second-class, less-than, to biological families.

The woman I call Grandma isn't my biological grandmother.    She became my Grandma through a series of family events----many of them quite sad and depressing and revolting----that led my parents to the people I call my grandparents, the people whom I have no biological connection to.   Did it matter to me? No.   I wanted someone to say, "I'm proud of you," someone to tease me, someone to shower me with affection and gifts and Sunday dinners and open arms. My grandparents provided that voluntarily---thank God.     Do I feel that I missed out on not having my biological grandparents do these things for me?    Honestly, no.

When we were deciding between having biological kids and adopting, it really came down to my disease.   Were we willing to take the gamble? To put my health and our future child's health on the line for the sake of biology? The answer was no.

I do know women with type I who have had healthy pregnancies and healthy children, like my friend Kerri over at Six Until Me and Amy who wrote a phenomenal book called The Smart Woman's Guide to Diabetes (which I was interviewed for---an contributed info on adoption as an option for diabetic women).   Each diabetic journey is very different, and these two women, along with many others, were able to successfully have biological children.

But it wasn't the right or best choice for me.

Now that we have two kids, no one asks why we adopted. The kids are here with us, and we are a pretty fab family.   United we stand. :)

My heart hurts for families facing infertility.   But I want to say that having children isn't a right; it's a gift.   And sometimes that gift comes in ways we don't plan for or initially embrace.

I didn't want diabetes.   I wouldn't wish this disease----the constant testing and doc appointments, the highs and lows, the never-ending awareness that I am not normal---on my worst enemy. It can be insanely depressing, daunting, and debilitating.     But, without it I wouldn't have chose adoption, and I wouldn't have my girls.

Choosing adoption shouldn't be something people pity or surrender to or sigh and say, "Ok. Fine. If there's no other way...."    Adoption is what it is---different. Unique.   Exciting.   Rewarding.   It's possibility, it's joy, and it's love.

I'll close with this:

Each morning I have the privilege of getting my daughters up and out of bed.   My Baby E's breathing becomes increasingly rapid as I approach her crib, and she says, "MAMAMAMAMA!"     Sometimes she grins, or sometimes she's ready for breakfast and fusses.   I then go to her sister's room. Miss E is usually perched on the side of her bed. Sometimes she immediately tells me a story or shares a thought or asks a questions. Other times she directs all her attention to her sister and says, "Good morning! Did you have a good rest?"   This is Baby E's cue to either squirm away from her sister's grasp or fully embrace it---mouth wide open---bestowing a slobbery kiss on the side of her sister's face.   We head to the kitchen where I prepare their favorite whole wheat waffles. The day begins---fresh and full of possibilities, opportunities, and moments-turned-memories.

Bliss.

Hair Hair Hair: Part I

2012-01-20T04:56:00.000-08:00

Black hair.

A topic of much debate and opinion.

When does a mom's obsession with keeping her daughter's hair in tact become detrimental to the kid's childhood?

What I mean is, Miss E loves to play dress up. She puts three headbands on, or a conductor hat, or a tie (like her daddy wears to work).   She's always messing up her hair in the name of creative play.      Or if she's not messing it up, someone else is---be it an adult who casually fondles her locks or a little kid sitting next to her in dance class.     And any time and energy I have spent styling Miss E's hair is lost--just like that---in a nanosecond.

I want my daughter to fit in with peers of her same race.    She'll already face some discrimination for having a white mom, but a white mom who can't care for her hair?     But what if it's not that I can't care for her hair, but that I choose to let her be free to be herself---even if that means she messes it up by wearing three headbands or does a few somersaults on the floor while playing with friends?

What do you think?

One little girl in Miss E's preschool is biracial (AA/CA). She has super short hair. Her mom said that the little girl hates having her hair done, even combed, so the mom keeps it very short so it's manageable.   I admire this mom's decision.

A recent article on one of my favorite websites, My Brown Baby, talks about how some black women would rather protect their hair than their health.    This is a topic that is very important to me. Being a diabetic, I understand how crucial exercise is to the health of all people, brown ladies included.

Talk to me, readers.   What do you think?

----

There will be more hair posts coming this February!

Blog On Twitter

2012-01-19T19:11:00.001-08:00

For updates on relevant adoption info and new blog postings, follow me at whitebrownsugar.

On the Move: Simplicity Inspires Peace

2012-01-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHHH!

Steve and I made the decision to put our house on the market. We are ready to move to a bigger home (so I can adopt a dozen more kids----as I tell Steve in a teasing, but not really kidding, manner) in a better school district. The current plan is to send our kids to public school when they are old enough. Private schools around here are mostly-white (like 99%) and pricey. We don't see ourselves forking over big bucks to send multiple children to a private school.

So, after Christmas I started de-cluttering.   I stripped our rooms of most of their accessories---pictures, vases, knick-knacks, wall-art, etc.    I moved the living room furniture to be more symmetrical.   I packed away unused towels, sheets, blankets, kitchen appliances, etc. to make our cabinets and closets appear more spacious.

I love a good project.

I am one who feels better when my house in clean and tidy. It gives me this weird sense of peace. If my house is in order, life seems to be more in order.    I can breathe deeper and sleep more soundly.   Yep, I'm totally serious. I used to think it was a little nuts, until I read Chasing God and the Kids Too where author Cheryl Carter said what I was already feeling...that some women feel better when their house is in order.

I try to not let my mind go there with this whole moving thing....you know, where I start thinking adoption-style: what if, but, possible, what if, me, me, me, panic, what if, make the call, pester, me, sulk.      I started worrying about church (would we change churches being that our current one would be 30 minutes from where we are moving to?), preschools (racially diverse, affordable, half-days, good curriculum, great teachers, close by, etc.), details (switch over utilities, forward our mail, find a new doctor, etc.). I can drive myself crazy.

Instead, I'm trying to approach the possibility of moving with a sound mind, a grateful heart, and hope.   If it's meant to be, it will happen.

And as I pack away more items, donate that which we do not need or use, and reflect on the wonderful memories we created in this home, I'm feeling more and more at peace.     I like that we have made a decision. I'm excited about moving into a new home (I mean, picking out paint colors alone has me giddy!).   I wonder what this next chapter in our lives will reveal.

I'm ready for this new home.   We are very picky. VERY.   Like one of those annoying couples on House Hunters who has a list of twenty-five "must haves" on their list.    Big yard, 4-5 bedrooms, fabulous kitchen, open floor plan, three car garage, pool, etc. And again, I see where my human heart is stepping in.   Where I am getting annoyingly greedy and self-serving.     Part of our reason for moving is to have more bedrooms so we can adopt more children.    Do some of the "must haves" really matter?   Which house does God want us to have and for what purpose?

See. I'm already annoying myself again. ;)

Step back. Breathe.   Chill. One step at a time.

Moving is a really big deal.   But God already has it all figured out.   And I believe there's a lot of good stuff coming our way.

Ready? Set?

GO.

The Big 3-0!

2012-01-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

Today is my b-day, and I'm 30!

At 30….

I’m still pretty selfish. (But at least now I’m more aware of it and am trying to combat it).

I need 8 hours of sleep a night or else…

I love herbal tea.

I need down/alone time every day to function at my best.

I dislike drama (save it for your mama…haha).

I can’t stand people who don’t take responsibility for their choices (put on your big girl panties and DEAL!).

I love house porn---you know, all the pictures of houses and decor that will come true someday when I'm really really rich. :)

I wish I were 10 lbs lighter, but I’m pretty proud of how well I manage my disease and all that my body has done for me, so I’m trying not to complain.

I wish I liked running.

I can’t cook good pancakes b/c I’m too impatient to cook them right.

I’m a vegetarian (95% of the time).

I'm an organic food fanatic.

I haven’t talked on my cell phone while driving for almost two years now.

Cigarettes, long finger nails, ham, and cats disgust me.

I’m a mother, something I wasn’t four years ago.

I’m passionate about adoption and good health.

I wish I could sew really well and enjoy it.

I still suck at painting my fingernails, so if I do, I use a shimmery, light color so mistakes aren’t obvious.

I need to learn to chill out.

I’m comfortable with my diabetes and I’ve fully accepted it.

I can’t stand watching sports, crime shows, or anything on MTV besides Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant.

I love getting magazines in my mailbox.

I feel most at peace when my kids are playing nicely together, my husband is home from work, the house is clean, and I have no student essays to grade.

A swimming pool is my summer salvation.

I don’t know what my writing future holds, but I hope it’s something really awesome (like a book???).

I’m fairly confident, and I hope to instill confidence in my girls.

I love couponing. It’s my new hobby.

I wish I could take better photographs.

I’m trying to be more mindful and relaxed.

I suck at empathy. I think people should just suck it up. I get that that isn’t totally healthy.

I love fruit, soup, homemade bread and real butter.

Baking=bliss.

I love buying and receiving gifts.

Dancing is a life necessity.

Focusing on God---prayer, Bible reading, thinking---that is the best way to live life.

I struggle to share my faith with others b/c I try too hard to plan my next move.

I struggle with self-promotion vs. educating others on my passions/convictions.

I really like Facebook…a lot.

I believe in the power of personal choice. If you don’t like something, change it. But quit complaining.

I’m interested in African American history.

I’ve met a few famous people---but most notable, the writer Nicholas Sparks.

I love watching the same few movies over and over: Steel Magnolias, Dark Knight, Erin Brockovich

Cheese fries, funnel cakes, and brownies----yum---but not a good idea.

Tape measures scare me.

I love to vacuum my floors.

Snakes are my #1 fear.

Give me a beach and a sunny day (but not too hot!), and you’ve got a happy girl.

I want to adopt more kids---maybe even a lot more. Gulp.

My husband and I were made for each other. He is perfect for me.

I am ready to be 30, and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Featured on Parents.com

2012-01-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

You can read about our family on Parents.com!

Big Families

2012-01-12T13:40:00.000-08:00

After Michelle Duggar's miscarriage was made public, I read and heard a lot of buzz. Mostly, the response was, "Why is she having so many kids?" (Nothing new, right?)

As a mother, first and foremost I feel for Michelle and her loss. I cannot imagine losing a child. People tend to minimize her loss because she has so many children and because she was "only" in her second trimester. I also heard and read comments about Michelle's age---like how dare she have a baby at her age?!? It's like some believe Michelle is a greedy woman who hoards babies, and she got what she deserved by having something bad happen to her. I don't understand.

Big families seem to be the rage right now, at least on TLC. :) The public is fascinated by large families and families who are unique in other ways (like on the shows Little People, Big World, The Little Couple, Sister Wives, or Kate Plus 8).

At the end of the day, many families are uniquely created. We (as adoptive parents) do not like when people judge our families. We are often asked, "Could you not have your own?" (As if biological children are better than adopted children?) It's heartbreaking at times what people will ask in front of my girls---as if they are not RIGHT THERE, as if they do not have value, as if they are not real people with feelings.

We all should be very careful what we think and what we say aloud. There's a lot of judgemental pollution regarding families that permeates the minds and hearts of our little ones. No matter how each child came to be, even if he or she came about in a way we do not agree with, at the end of the day a child is a child. One who is precious in His sight.

I really respect the Duggar family. They seem to handle each situation in their lives with grace and faith. Are they perfect? No. But I think their family is beautiful and big and an example of how faithful parents can raise responsible, loving, and generous children.

Random Goodness: Photos From Our Home

2012-01-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

One thing that drives me crazy is when people say my daughter is too young for me to worry about race and diversity. Look at this collection. Miss E sorts her Little People according to their features. In fact, she loves finding "matches." She says she matches a little girl in her class who is also brown, for example, or that she matches the puppy next door who is brown like her.

This is a pic from a magazine on how to organize books. I thought it was so clever...so I tried it on my girls' hardcover book collection.

Ta-da!

My girls brushing their teeth.

Miss E's Christmas cookie decorating adventure. Is it possible to ever have too many sprinkles on a cookie? (Yes, there is a cookie under there).

Surprise snow day right after C-mas. My girls enjoyed crawling through the snow while licking it. So sweet!

Acceptance

2012-01-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

I have many titles under my Resources page on diversity.    Many of the titles suggested talk about skin color differences, disability, unique family makeup---but whatever the topic, it all comes back to the idea that we should embrace people as they are and that, deep down, we are all human.

I want my girls be accepted for who they are---including being brown-skinned and adopted.   The world says that being adopted is either strange, extra special, or in vogue---but to me, adoption is none of those things.    The world also says that being brown-skinned means you are less beautiful and more dangerous than lighter-skinned people.

I really appreciate what these authors try to do---to unify the readers, to teach them that the beauty of people is in their differences.    However, I question how much of these ideas crosses over into a society with no moral compass.

I do believe every person has value.   I believe, as a pastor once said, that every person in this world is someone for whom Christ died.     I do believe that God loves every person---regardless of his or her skin color, family makeup, education, capabilities, etc.

But, the Bible is clear that there is sin in the world, and God hates sin. Sin separates from God.   So when we embrace anyone, does that also mean we embrace anything? As in "anything goes" and "whatever floats your boat" is fine?

The authors of the titles I suggest often have a line or two that includes adoption among people's unique circumstances (which we should embrace).     But to parallel adoption with a religion, for example, that directly conflicts with my faith, well, then what?    Most of these books do it.   Yet, I want my girls to know that there are many kinds of people, and no matter what, we should love them all. That doesn't mean we are ok with their choices.

This brings to mind the old saying I heard often growing up: "Love the sinner, hate the sin."

Difficult balance, and, furthermore, something very challenging to teach young children.

What do you think? Is the "love everyone" message in diversity and acceptance books a good idea?   Do you have any moral conflicts that prevent you from reading these books to your kids?

Book of the Month: January

2012-01-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

This month, check out my latest find: Gyo Fujikawa's Little Library. These mini board books, four in total, feature kids of all races drawn in darling vintage-style. These books are perfect for little hands and for story time that is short and sweet. The price is just right: $6.95.

Happy Reading!

Happy 2012!

2012-01-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Welcome to a new year!

I hope 2011 was full of laughter, love, and pleasant surprises, but if it wasn't, I'm sure you have enjoyed turning your calendar to a new year and anticipating bigger and better things.

A few thoughts/tips/questions for my readers:

Instead of making one NY resolution which is so difficult to obtain, how about one resolution a month? This way you know you only have to stick to your goal for 30 days, yet you can remind yourself that it only takes 21-28 days to change a bad habit. :) My goal for January is to only check Facebook once a day. That place is such a time sucker!

What do you want to change? Make a list, but don't tackle it at once. Prioritize and figure out one goal for the month. For me, I'd love to keep my kitchen counter tops clean---free of papers, dirty dishes, etc. This will be quite a challenge, but it can be done!

What was great about 2011 that you'd like to continue in 2012? What didn't work so well that you need to say farewell to?

Now is a great time to purge, store, or donate. Purge those items that no one can or will use (broken, torn, very outdated---and not in a vintage-cool kind of way, etc.)---recycle when you can. Store any items you wish to keep (storage bins are on sale everywhere this time of year) in clearly-labeled bins. Donate items you and your family do not need, have outgrown, etc. to a local charity. And then...ahhhhh...rest.

Electronic Toys

2011-12-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

I hate them.

My three-year-old loves pushing buttons (literally and figuratively---tee hee).   The same ones...over and over.   The few electronic toys we have are reserved for the car, because it's already a bit noisy in there with the radio, babbling or crying kids, and traffic noise.

Why do I hate electronic toys so much?

For one, they are expensive to purchase and to up-keep. Batteries are horrible for the environment, and they cost a lot of money.

For another, they annoy me.   I can't stand hearing the same noise over and over and over.

Some argue that electronic toys teach kids letters, numbers, shapes, etc.   Well, there are other ways (ways we had to learn when we were kids) to learn that require more parent-to-child interaction (which is a good thing!).

I get that the world is full of electronics; however, I own very few of them. I don't use my phone for Internet access (and in fact, I have a very non-fancy phone), I don't own a laptop, a Nook or Kindle, an IPAD or ITOUCH (I do have an old IPOD for working out). We have a minimal-cable package, one that is required to have a DVR.   We only have two televisions in our home (one in the living room and one in the basement by my exercise space), and only one phone (a land line for emergencies).    I own a PC and have no plans to convert to anything smaller. We don't own any gaming systems. (I'm also that mom who doesn't let my kids watch more than 30 min of TV a day, and only movies or channels, like PBS, with limited commercials to avoid conditioning them to want the things I know are bad for them).    The few electronic toys we have do not have batteries in them, except for the car toys which already came with batteries.

I want my girls to understand and be familiar with the pleasure of a library book in their hands.   I want them to enjoy playing together instead of separately on personal electronic devices. I want them to self-occupy with art supplies, not a baby laptop.   I want them to utilize a pad of paper and a pen at the doctor's office instead of my cell phone.

It's just me, really. I know I'm not the norm.   Shrug.

I'm a college writing teacher, and it seems that so many students are increasingly lacking in the creativity department.    Generating ideas is like pulling teeth.    It's sad, really.

Here goes my old lady voice...back when I was a child, we played outside for fun. My brother, sister, and I spent hours in the swimming pool, riding bikes, and making mud pies under the tree house.   If we were indoors, we played with Barbies and Legos and Playmobile.   We had tons of art supplies. I had an eraser collection (Lisa Frank, baby!).   We colored. We wrote and performed plays.    The possibilities were endless.

I want to fight to give my girls the same opportunities to think for themselves.    I want them to occupy themselves and each other with creative play.     I adore the stage my three-year-old is in. Just today she took a cardboard insert from the lunchbox she got for Christmas and put it around her waist. She hopped in my bed and said, "I'm on an airplane, and here is my seat belt."   She's so creative.   The other day she was in her sister's Cozy Coupe car and put a magazine on top of it.  She then exclaimed, "Look mom! It's a pizza car!"

Kids really can think and occupy themselves. We adults just have to get out of the way and give them the chance.    Oh, and stop buying them toys that tell them WHAT or HOW to think about the world.

There is beauty in simple things.

"Adopted"

2011-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

How do you feel about the word "adopted" being used for other purposes besides adopting children? Like when someone adopts a pet or adopts a method or cause....

It makes me cringe a bit, but a word can have many meanings.

What do you think?

Two Interesting Stories

2011-12-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

I saw these today via FB. One is a story about black children being raised in a Mennonite community, and the other is an incredible story about a new teen mother who passed away due to cancer (and she wouldn't terminate her pregnancy even though it could have saved her life).

Fa La La!

2011-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Merry Christmas!

Adoption has rocked my world in the most amazing ways.   I heard someone say the other day that it's amazing how the most wonderful things come to us out of the most difficult choices.   What a beautiful truth.

My most popular blog post was written about this time last year.    The subject was the birth of our second daughter which was quite a whirlwind experience for us.    As I said then and believe to this day, nothing demonstrates God's power to me more than adoption.

During one church service we attended this month, I was thinking about Mary and how she must have felt when Jesus was born. She must have felt incredible joy, indescribable fear, and overwhelming gratitude---like all mothers.    And Joseph---what responsibility to be the earthly father of God's son.   Can you imagine?

Christmas is a special time of year for our family.   Our daughters were both only about a month old when they experienced their first Christmas.   Christmas is layered with beautiful memories, old traditions, and new traditions.   There's joy, peace, warmth, anticipation, and cookies, of course, lots of cookies.

I am thankful for my family, my health, my jobs, my abilities, and, most of all, my salvation in Jesus Christ.   Without God, I have nothing and am nothing.   And in Him, I have complete freedom (John 8:32).

I pray that you have a lovely Christmas---full of laughter, remembrance, food, and family.   I hope you relish in some fabulous gift giving and gift receiving.   Snap tons of photos, wear your pjs all day, and take a nap. Celebrate Jesus in old and new ways.

What an awesome year it's been. 2012 will no doubt bring more blessings...more than I can ever imagine or create on my own. Cheers!!!

Set your DVR for Tonight's Adoption Show

2011-12-21T09:02:00.001-08:00

A Home for the Holidays, an annual show on CBS promoting foster care adoption, will be on this evening. Set your DVR, and you'll be very glad you watched.

Christmas Is Almost Here!

2011-12-20T04:46:00.000-08:00

Making snowpeople with cotton balls, ribbon, bows, and paper. Oh what fun!

Christmas Little People

A Nice and Naughty list. Miss E had much more fun listing naughty things.

Cookie dough, anyone?

I can't help it. I must touch the tree.

Homemade body scrub

Ready to give!

We can't help it! We must....create....art!

Cookie balls with chocolate drizzle. Yum! All you do is take a package of your favorite sandwich cookies (we use Newman's Own Organic) and crush. Mix with one cream cheese. Refrigerate for one hour. After the hour, form into balls. Drizzle with melted chocolate of your choice and top with something fabulous like sprinkles or a chocolate chip. Keep in the fridge until ready to serve....though they won't last long!

Favorite Christmas Titles and Toys

2011-12-17T06:56:00.000-08:00

Explaining the Christmas story to little ones can be difficult---so many characters, so much meaning! But with these books and toys, you'll create experiences that teach and inspire. (I highly suggest buying these items after Christmas, when you'll likely find them cheaper):

Little People Nativity Set

Christmas Story stacking blocks

What is Christmas?

Christmas in the Manger

Room for a Little One

Other Christmas books we adore around here:

Under the Christmas Tree (features AA characters)

Christmas Cookies: Bite-Size Holiday Lessons

If You Take a Mouse to the Movies

Fancy Nancy: Splendiferous Christmas

You Are My Miracle

Stop

2011-12-14T13:41:00.000-08:00

As if you didn't already know...

I'm a type A lady. I like projects and accomplishing projects.   Give me a task and consider it done.   I'm organized, punctual, and reliable.

But, this doesn't always serve me well in life, particularly when it comes to the enjoyment of parenting.

Recently, I helped co-host a baby shower for one of my friends. At the shower, each guest wrote a bit of advice and some well-wishes on a card for the expectant mother; we took turns reading the advice aloud.   As each woman, almost all of them mothers and some also grandmothers, shared their advice, there was clearly a common thread being formed.

Enjoy your baby. Stare at your baby. Kiss your baby. Rock your baby.    Sleep with your baby.

It is so easy for the mother of a growing family to forget what really matters.   To get caught up in an ever-present and ever-growing to-do list that seems to get exponentially longer during the month of December. There's baking and gift-buying and gift-wrapping and traveling (which means laundry and packing) and, and, and.    It's all to easy to ignore the kids or try to occupy them with a movie than to just sit and talk to them.

A few days after the baby shower, I was rushing to get some dishes done while my girls had breakfast at the table when I heard Miss E say, "Mommy? Come sit by me."   At first, I said, "Mommy is busy doing dishes." Then I thought, Are these dishes really that important that I can't take five minutes to sit, look at my daughters, allow them to be comforted by my presence and attention, and talk about what matters to them in this moment?

I am looking forward to this month because as I write this, I'm preparing for a four week break from work.    I'm hoping that without papers to grade and e-mails to answer, I will give myself permission to use my free time in a way that honors my little blessings.

I know I will always battle my personality.   On one hand, God made me who I am for a reason---and being type A hasn't always been a bad thing (particularly when it comes to managing my diabetes and teaching), but it's also the devil on my shoulder.

I'm not going to let type A win this holiday season. I hope you don't either.

Gift Wrapping Fun

2011-12-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

I had the honor of writing for my favorite blog, Passionate Homemaking! Enjoy reading about gift wrapping fun!

Great Gifts, Low Prices

2011-12-12T19:46:00.000-08:00

With twelve days until Christmas, you may find yourself struggling to find gifts for family members, friends, your kid's teacher, and that gift exchange at work.

Here are some simple, affordable, and fabulous gift ideas:

---A magazine subscription.   It's the gift that gives all year long.   Check out the Krazy Coupon Lady's postings for popular magazines at rock-bottom prices.    (Seriously, like some are $4 or $5 a year!!!)

---A photo on canvas.   Instead of framing a favorite photo, try this easy and affordable craft. (I'm actually allowing mine to dry as I type this).    I love that you can customize this gift for anyone.   Use a photo of their dog, or your kids, or a favorite beach. Whatever works!

---Body scrub.    There are so many recipes online for making inexpensive and green body scrubs using ingredients you already have in your home:   sugars, oils, and spices.   My daughter and I whipped up two batches tonight---one with orange peel in it and one called Vanilla Cookie scrub.   Put them in small glass jars, tie a ribbon around, and make your own label. Voila.

---A coffee table book.   Hit the bargain section of your local bookstore and purchase either one book (and add something inexpensive to the gift that goes along with the book such as a book on Hollywood and add a tube of red lipstick) or two to three books which you stack and tie with ribbon.

---A themed gift. Two years ago at a Christmas party, each attendee had to bring a $10 gift to exchange.   I went with a chocolate theme.   I purchased chocolate chips, brownie mix, and hot chocolate.    The ladies went wild over my gift, and I felt good giving something edible (rather than another bottle of cheap-o body lotion that smells like a funeral home).   Other ideas: a bottle of wine and some wine charms, a polo shirt and golf balls, boxes of herbal tea and a mug.

---Re-gift.   I'm a huge fan of re-gifting. However, there are a few rules. Only re-gift something that you would consider buying for the person. Make sure you aren't re-gifting an item that will be opened in front of the person who gave you the gift originally.   Be sure the gift is in new condition (not wrinkled, stained, expired, monogrammed, or smelly).

---Gift card.   When in doubt, I think everyone appreciates a little pass to shop for free. Just add a little something to it for instant gratification---like a $10 Starbucks gift card plus a reusable tumbler, for example.

---Service. Maybe you don't have $50 to invest in a gift for someone at the moment, but you can write the person a gift certificate for a free night of babysitting.

---A movie night...of sorts.   Target has some fabulous deals on movies this week (some just $5 or $7!). Add some gourmet popcorn (or Archer Farms, Target's brand, has popcorn flavoring shakers), and you have a gift!

Happy shopping!

Just Don't

2011-12-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

Recently:   "So," X asks, referring to my youngest, "What's her mom's story?"

Now, let me stop to say that I get the "her mom" a lot---when people refer to my girls' biological mothers.   This does not offend me. I understand what they mean, and I'm not embarrassed by the fact that my girls are adopted, that they have two moms (one by birth, one by adoption), and that people do not know all the PC adoption language.   Whatever.

What's most bothersome to me is the assumption that it's ok to ask something so personal and assume that you have a right to know that information.

You don't.

I realize that a lot of my family's personal information is "out there"---after all, I blog about adoption! However, there are many details I keep private, details that only our immediate family members know, and the only reason I have shared these details with them is because they spend time with my kids and might be asked a question one day to which they should have some sort of clue how to answer.

There are so many misconceptions and stereotypes about birth parents that are detrimental to all of us in the adoption community. I always try to educate those who ask questions, attempting to reshape their view of birth parents.    For example, I am often asked, "Is her birth mother young?"    I state, "Statistics show that many birth mothers are in their twenties."    I don't directly answer the question because, well, why does it matter how old the girls' birth moms are?, and because two, it's none of the person's business.

We can't escape adoption, nor do we wish to.   However, there is a fine line, a necessary balance, between educating others and living life as a REAL, NORMAL, BEAUTIFUL family.

I'm always amazed at the audacity some people have.   My parents raised me not to stare and not to ask assuming or potentially nosy questions.     Obviously not everyone grows up with those same values.    I do think honesty is fabulous, as I always strive to be honest about adoption with my readers, strangers, family members, friends, my kids, my spouse, and myself.     However, honesty and tact seem to rarely go hand-in-hand when it comes to adoption.

I don't know how I could have better answered the asker.   My daughter (age 3) was sitting right across from me. If I snap, she's watching and learning. (Should I say, "That info is on a need-to-know basis.  I'm pretty sure you aren't in that category.") If I evade, she might grow up to think that I'm embarrassed or ashamed about adoption. If I answer completely honestly and openly, my daughter's privacy is invaded without her permission.   If I answer in an attempt to educate, is it fair to always use my daughter's existence as a teaching tool for clueless askers?

Some adoptive parents suggest responding with a question, "Why do you ask?" But I think that gives the asker an opportunity to explain why he or she is asking, rather than serve its intended purpose: to shut them up.    If someone is bold enough to ask a nosy question, he or she will likely be bold enough to ask another.

The truth is, I don't care who is asking me---a stranger, a friend, a family member: if I want you to know, I will tell you.

I think my message to anyone reading this who wants to ask an adoption question that is specific to a child's story, just don't.

You don't need to know.   If you do find something out, you will do what is normal behavior for humans: you will use it to judge.

Adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents---we already face enough assumptions and judgements.    So please, just don't.

Princess Bag Winner + Amazing Giveaway to Share

2011-12-09T10:49:00.000-08:00

The winner of the Princess bag is Angel! Congrats! Please contact Sarah to claim your prize.

My newest online friend, Lauren, is raising money toward her Ethiopian adoption fund. She's giving away $400 worth of goodies (GOOD goodies!). Please check out her beautiful blog and enter to win!

GIVEAWAY: Princess Bag

2011-12-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Christmas....a giveaway! Meet my new favorite Etsy seller and enter to win a Princess bag for someone special. :) Notice the multi-racial princesses?

"My name is SarahFae. I am a stay-at-home mom to two little girls. I have an almost 4 year old with super curly brown hair and brown eyes and an almost 2 year old with straight blond hair and blue eyes. They have definitely helped me to be more spontaneous (and flexible) and to appreciate the variety of life.

I've been married for almost 8 years. I am lucky enough to be married to a man who can, quite literally, fix just about anything. He has a remodeling company and that is partly what has encouraged me to start Owl Street. Seeing his ability to think outside the box and to teach himself has given me the confidence to take a risk, to work hard, and to make good quality products.

My youngest is getting older, which means that I keep hoping that diapers will soon be a thing of the past. I finally realized that I don't need a full diaper bag anymore and I wanted something smaller, but I couldn't find the right size bag. And that started it all. A small tote bag that she could carry, a new diaper changing pad that would hold diapers and wipes to fit in my purse, a new purse for me, a cool tote bag for our library trips, a small zippered bag to better organize that chaos that was the bottom of my purse, reusable snack bags, and the list goes on. So, whatever you need or whoever you're shopping for I've got something for you!

I am happy to be able to introduce the 'Every Little Princess' tote bag made especially for White Sugar, Brown Sugar readers! It makes me so happy to feature the fabric that Rachel picked out on this tote bag sized just right for your little princess. Every little girl should be able to have dolls and pictures and bags that look like her. I will be taking orders for the 'Every Little Princess' tote bag through Etsy. If you place your order by December 5 I will ship your bag on Dec 19, just in time for Christmas! I also have the Every Little Princess bag available in a small purse or a crayon purse. Check out OwlStreet on Etsy and send me a message for custom orders."

Giveaway item:    1 Every Little Princess bag
Time frame:   Today - Friday, Dec. 9 at noon (CST)

5 ways to enter:

1:   Visit Sarah's Etsy page and tell me which item is your favorite via a comment on this post.
2: Become a follower of my blog; leave me a comment on this post letting me know.
3: Become a FB fan of my blog; leave a comment on this post letting me know.
4: Post this giveaway on your FB page, on Twitter, and/or on your blog; leave a comment letting me know.
5: Leave a comment sharing your favorite holiday cookie.

Good luck!

The winner will be posted after noon on Friday; the winner is responsible for creating an Etsy account and contacting the seller in order to claim the prize.

New Book on Being Biracial

2011-12-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't read this book, but a friend posted it on Facebook. Happy reading!

Celebrate Christmas All Month Long: Custom Advent Calendar

2011-12-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

I found some of these fabulous ideas on my favorite blog: Passionate Homemaking. I wanted to share with you my list, some of which was borrowed from PH. I encourage you to make your own and have fun celebrating the days before Christmas.

At some point during each day from Dec 1-Dec 24, we read our Christmas celebration idea and then do it:

Use musical instruments and dance to Christmas music (this will also be done a few times)

Read 2 Christmas books (this will be done a few times)
Read the Christmas story and "act it out" with Little People sets
Bake cookies for cookie trays (this will be done a few times)
Cut out snowflakes
Take silly Christmas photos
Decorate (collage-style) a plate for Santa's cookies
Drive around local neighborhoods and see the Christmas lights
Make a "nice" and "naughty" list (things that are nice to do, things that are naughty)
Make Chocolate Peppermint Popcorn to enjoy and share with neighbors
Deliver our Christmas project items
Wrap gifts while doing one of the following: praying for the receiver, sharing a memory about the receiver, allowing your kids to customize the package using art supplies, etc.

For parents who like a little more control over what happens each day, depending on how the day is going, you can hang an envelope somewhere in your home (off the tree, on the fridge, whatever) and before the kids get up, select the celebration that best fits into your day and stick that piece of paper in your envelope. You can also decide when to open your envelope---morning, afternoon, evening, depending on your family's schedule.

I found this resource to be particularly helpful. It explains the history and meaning of an Advent calendar.

Author Interview: Foster Care, A Book, and Community

2011-11-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

Whew---just in time, before the end of the month....I want to share with you an interview with the author of my November Book of the Month.

Meet Vanessa Diffenbaugh, the author of The Language of Flowers.

R: Tell me about yourself and your family.

V: I was born in San Francisco and raised in Chico, California. I met my husband at Mount Madonna Center when I was twenty years old. Mount Madonna is a community in the redwoods near Santa Cruz, California, built on the principals of yoga and selfless service. My husband was raised there, and I was attending a yoga retreat with my family. I think Mount Madonna has had a profound impact not only on my husband, but on the family we have created together. We have two biological children and have been foster parents for nearly six years. Tre’von is now a sophomore at NYU on a Gates Millenium Scholarship—we are, of course, very proud of him!

R: I have read hundreds of adoption books, some of which were fiction. Many of these books are filled with negative stereotypes regarding social workers, birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents. Your book's characters, however, seem realistic. You do not sugar coat the hardships the characters face, nor do you smack your characters with stereotypical labels and personalities. Did it ever cross your mind that your book, though fiction, might become a resource for adoptive parents? Did you have a goal in mind when writing your book?

V: I set out to write the best novel I could write, and never thought of my book as trying to send a particular message. In fact, I imagine that if I had been trying to make a statement, the novel would have felt much more preachy and a lot less genuine! However, I am thrilled that my book has encouraged interesting conversations and thinking on these very important subjects. It was certainly always a goal of mine to bring these issues to light!

R: Your book has received praise-filled reviews from prominent authors. How do you react to the publication of your book and the positive attention it has received?    

V: It has taken me some time just to get over the shock! When you are writing your first book, people tell you over and over again how hard it is to sell a novel. They recite statistics of how many authors ever find agents (I’ve heard 2%! No idea if this is true) and tell you that even if you do sell your book you’ll never be able to “make it” financially as a writer. But I did sell my book, and now people all over the world are reading and responding to it. It is very humbling to have created a story that has touched so many people from such vastly different worlds and experiences.

R: What are you working on next?

V: My next novel isn’t about flowers or foster care, but I hope that it is another topic that will be interesting and relevant to my readers. I am writing every morning and it is coming along—very slowly, but coming along nevertheless.

R: Tell me about the Camellia Network. What can my readers do to support your organization? Why are you so passionate about foster care adoption?

V: The mission of Camellia Network is to activate networks of citizens in every community to provide the critical support young people need to transition from foster care to adulthood. Youth that age out face astonishing challenges: by the age of 24, 31% will have been incarcerated, 25% will have experienced homelessness, less than half are employed, and only 3% will have a college degree. The reason I am a passionate advocate of permanency is simple: if all children in foster care were connected to lifelong families, no one would ever have to “age out” of the system.

n terms of how your readers can help, thank you for asking! We are building a national network of people who have raised their hands and said yes! I want to help young people aging out in my community. We already have thousands in our network and are growing daily. Go on our website to join the movement. If your readers sign up, they will be kept informed as we grow and begin to offer more and more opportunities to help.

Last thing: if you are in a book club sign up on our book clubs page! If your book club will support Camellia (it doesn’t matter how much or little your group can raise, we need everyone!) I will call in to a future book club meeting to answer questions.

R: At the very end of you book, in the last paragraph, you thank several people, some of whom are not your children. Can you tell me about the individuals you listed?

V: My novel is so much about mother-child relationships, that I wanted to thank all the children that have taught about the depth and complexities of these relationships over the years. Graciela and Miles are my biological children, and others are those I’ve fostered, and still others are children I’ve mentored or who I’ve known only briefly, but who taught me things I’ll never forget.

R: What advice can you give a person or couple considering adopting a child from foster care?

V: I think it is important for people or couples to know what they can handle in terms of age, numbers of kids, and behaviors—and then stick to it. There is such a shortage of people willing to adopt kids out of foster care, specifically older kids and sibling sets, that I often hear stories of social workers putting pressure on potential adoptive couples that are outside the bounds of what they are looking for—for example, a couple wanting to adopt one toddler may end up being asked to consider a large sibling set. All to often people say yes—because their heart is in the right place, and they want to help as much as possible—but if they don’t have the support or resources (internal and external!) these adoptions are more likely to fail. Better to take on what you know you can handle and do it well, even with the overwhelming need in the world!

Special thanks to Vanessa for her time and talent!

Christmas at Our House Has Begun

2011-11-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

Christmas Little People sets! So much fun! We got some at a yard sale this summer and the others were gifts. These are the perfect toys for both my girls.

Baby E wanted to help decorate the tree. Because she is challenged in the listening department, we bought a baby gate to put around our big tree this year.

Miss E placed a tractor ornament right over Mary's face. Hmmm....

A gifted ornament we received last year that makes its debut this year. Fabulous!

My latest AA Santa. I got him for $15 (on sale and with a coupon) at JCPenney. They have a great variety to choose from.

I found these jars (in various sizes) at a Goodwill last month. I'm filling them with cinnamon sticks and candy canes. The smallest jar is still waiting to be filled. In my kitchen I'm doing a food themed tree and we have cookie cutters hanging from ribbons from our dining area light fixture (so inexpensive and cute!).

Another new ornament this year. This AA ballerina was purchased at Macy's.

Love the multi-racial Santa tins from IKEA. Only $5.99 for three tins.

What to Buy? + AA Christmas Decor

2011-11-25T18:37:00.000-08:00

Many adoptive parents struggle with open adoption, particularly around the holidays. What is an appropriate Christmas gift for birth family members?   Adoptive parents don't want to give too much or too little, making the situation uncomfortable.

Here are some ideas:

---Start with a card.   Have your child sign it if he or she is old enough. If not, trace your child's hand print. :)

---Choose something meaningful to your child.   My friend Miss S, who happens to be an adoptive mother herself, gave me a fantastic idea. Each year, we buy the girls' biological parents an ornament, and we buy a matching one for ourselves.   It's neat to think that when we are looking at our Christmas trees, we are sharing a view. :)     Miss S buys an ornament that represents something her daughter is into that year.

---Make something, or have your child make something. This year, we are giving stitched hand prints in a frame. Thanks so much to Passionate Homemaking for this fabulous idea!

---Give a photo. My favorite place to buy frames is Kohl's because I always have a coupon, and there is always a great selection of clearance items.

---

Check out my latest article for the Krazy Coupon Lady on where to find AA Christmas decor this season!

Interesting Article on Adoption + Hair Care Resource List

2011-11-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

Check this out. Adoption has a rocky history. Is it getting better?

---

Need hair care resources for your kiddos? Check out this list recently posted on Adoptive Families magazine.

Interesting Article

2011-11-21T16:29:00.000-08:00

What do you think after reading this article?

New Blog Post for AF Magazine

2011-11-21T10:59:00.001-08:00

My latest blog post for Adoptive Families magazine is up. Happy Reading!

Queen Latifah Might Adopt

2011-11-21T05:54:00.001-08:00

MyBrownBaby.com published this piece on Queen Latifah. :)

Selling Babies?

2011-11-19T14:36:00.000-08:00

Last month, Old Navy had a sale on baby clothes.   This was the sign on the front display of one of my local stores.

Apparently, you can get a baby "from $5."

As an adoptive mother, I have participated in discussions surrounding this question: Do adoption agencies sell babies?

It's easy to put up our defenses and say, "No way! We are paying for an adoption process.   We don't buy babies."

My response to adoptive families is this:   It's tough, very tough, to find an ethical agency that exists as a ministry and not a business, an agency that doesn't sell babies to the people who can afford to buy them.

Many organizations and businesses exist to bring in money for personal profit. Those that can be most successful use something deeply emotional, such as starting a family or fighting a disease, to bring in the big bucks.

The abortion industry, for example, is a money making machine.   They meet a woman at the point of crisis, offer a quick solution, money is exchanged, and poof, problem gone (or so the industry claims).

It's sad that the comparison can be made between an abortion clinic and an adoption agency, but the truth is that both can exisit to provide a service that is sought after during a crucial, desperate time in a woman's life---be it the woman who chooses abortion, the woman who places her baby for adoption, or the woman wanting to adopt a baby after she's waited months, years, or even decades to become a mother.

I think adoptive parents have a responsibility to choose their agency wisely. You have a right to ask a lot of questions, no matter how "intrusive" they may seem.   You have a right to know how the adoption fees are being used.   You have a right to question any agency practices You have a right to ask how birth parents are treated, how it's handled if an expectant mom chooses to parent instead of following her "placement plan," etc. You have a right to receive complete and honest answers.

I love transparent agencies, honest social workers, and down-to-earth, knowledgeable birth parent counselors.   They are quite hard to find.   But don't stop until you find that stellar agency---because, I do believe we are responsible for our choices and we will be judged one day by God for those decisions.

And, if you are working with an unethical agency, don't be afraid to go elsewhere. Yes, you may have given a lot of money to your current agency, but luckily, God allows U-turns.

ADORABLE AA Christmas Decor On Sale (Only a Few Days to Buy!)

2011-11-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite websites, Totsy, is selling AA Christmas decor, which is incredibly hard to find. Click on the Totsy link and then search "Holiday Elements." I suggest ordering ASAP as items sell very quickly. It is free to join Totsy (no hidden fees!). Happy Christmas!

Home for the Holidays Info

2011-11-17T14:05:00.001-08:00

Encourage your family and friends to watch this TV special featuring some fab celebs who promote foster care adoption!

Adoption Month Celebrated at My Library!

2011-11-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

A very special thank you to Miss Alison for creating a display of adoption books. Adoption awareness and education is very dear to my heart.

How are you celebrating National Adoption Month?

Birthday Banner

2011-11-13T14:22:00.000-08:00

I am no seamstress.

But, a few years back, I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas, certain I would automatically become an expert pillowcase dress maker.   I bought fabric, ribbon, thread, and some other items. I hired a sewing teacher.

I made one dress with wayyyy too big arm holes.

The end.   Or so I thought.

Then I went to a party (hosted by, ironically, the woman who gave me the sewing lesson) and saw beautiful banners hanging throughout her house.    I asked her how she made them, and she said it was very easy.   Easy, I thought. Right. Easy for someone who used to own a sewing shop, can quilt, can smock, can craft basically anything out of nothing.

But I decided to give the project a whirl.   I purchased three different fabrics for each banner (one for each daughter), allowing my then two-year-old to choose one of her fabrics (a monkey pattern). I then bought ribbon to match.

I created a triangle stencil using a file folder (as recommend by my sewing teacher) and spent a few nights cutting triangles with my sewing scissors. I then ironed my triangles and stacked them in order of how I wanted them to line up on the banner.

Finally, a few weeks ago, I pulled out (and dusted off) my sewing machine.     I didn't touch a single setting (gulp! who knew what would happen?) nor did I change the thread (change the thread? are you kidding me?) and holding my breath, sewed the triangles to the ribbon.

It worked.

I was so happy.   So I pulled out my second ribbon and set of triangles.   About four triangles into the project, I realized something was awry.

Three You Tube videos later, I had wound a new bobbin (whew---listen to me using sewing terms) and was back on track.

With the leftover triangles and some ribbon I had on hand, I created a third, shorter banner to give as a gift.

What I love about this project is that it's easy, it's inexpensive, and it's homemade. Plus, you can customize it for any holiday or celebration, and you aren't purchasing a one-time-use banner that will go into the landfill.   And finally, you don't have to do anything perfect. In fact, the minor "flaws" give the banner character.

(Please excuse the poorly taken photo---the only free and long-enough space I had to lay out my banners was the kitchen floor).

You can use fabric and ribbon scraps to add to or create a sensory box for your little ones.

If you give this project a whirl, let me know what you are celebrating!

Tidbits You Can Use

2011-11-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

I've been coming across some awesome websites lately that I just have to share with you!

First, there's an online comic website called Adopted: The Comic.     The comics usually center around adoptee experiences. I found this one to be so true of adoptive parents and how we sometimes just don't know what or when or how to talk about adoption.   Happy browsing!

Second, I got a catalog in the mail the other day from Personal Creations that has many ornaments featuring African Americans and Hispanics.   You can select your ornament and then their skin tone and sometimes hair color.     There are so many to choose from!    Their rag dolls are really cute.

Third, I continue to read My Brown Baby online.   I love the variety of stories and the overall beauty of the website.

Finally, If you haven't checked my resources list in some time, swing by. I'm always adding new titles.

Did You Know These Celebs Are Black?

2011-11-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

Interesting photo gallery on celebs who are bi-racial (Black and ______).

5 Ways to Prepare for Transracial Adoption

2011-11-07T06:19:00.001-08:00

Check out my article on My Brown Baby!

Book of the Month: November

2011-11-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new blog series called Book of the Month.   I'll feature a title that I found intriguing, a must-read, on the subject of adoption or diversity.

This month, I suggest you order The Language of Flowers (Vanessa Diffenbaugh) from your local library.     This first-time novelist's book had me captivated.     Yes, the book is fiction, but the author did a fabulous job of capturing the complexity of a child's experience being stuck in the foster care system and the ramifications of that life.

If you have a few moments, read the author's bio.   So inspirational!

Get your reading on!

Share the Sugar!

2011-11-05T06:02:00.001-07:00

Hey, readers!

I'm so thrilled with my new blog design. My designer made me a button code, which is located below my profile info on the right, which you can copy and share on your blog. Thanks!

Affordable Ways to Adopt

2011-11-03T10:58:00.001-07:00

Check out my latest article on the Krazy Coupon Lady's website. :)

Happy National Adoption Month: How You Can Celebrate

2011-11-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

You can celebrate National Adoption Month by...

1:   Asking your library to create an adoption-book display.

2: Participating in your local foster care agency's birthday buddy program (where you purchase birthday gifts for a child in foster care).    (This would also make a fabulous Christmas project).

3: Donate items or money to local crisis nurseries, children's homes, maternity homes, etc.

4: Spread the word about your adoption support group.

5: Start the process of becoming a foster or adoptive parent.

6: Support foster parents. Take meals, offer to babysit, buy some items their children might need.

7: Offer to speak as an experienced adoptive family at your agency's family training sessions. Share what you know about adoption.

8: Purchase adoption or diversity-minded books (see my resource list) for your child's school, the local library, or to your local agency (to give to new adoptive parents).

9: Host a drive for an organization that supports women, babies, and children.

10: Include adoption in your Christmas letter.

What ideas do you have?

The list of possibilities is numerous!

New Blog Design + Info You Can Use

2011-10-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog design! Thanks to Fran at Small Bird Studios for her time and energy. Did you know she offers a 20% discount to bloggers who focus on adoption, infertility, and child loss?

Here are some interesting links I've come across this week:

1: Did you know Adoptive Families magazine is having a Halloween photo contest?

2: Notice how often a black person is the sidekick but rarely the main character in books, television shows, etc?

Eye-Opening Reminder

2011-10-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

A friend recently posted a link to this article on Facebook.    I wasn't to excited to read it, mostly because someone has commented that she needed tissues after reading.   I was just getting my day started and didn't want to feel sad from the get-go. But I went ahead and read it.

You should too.

I'm a busy mom of two "babies" (a toddler and an infant).   I work part-time at a university teaching writing (so you can imagine the preparation and the stacks of essays I have to grade).   I also write part-time for various publications, and I'm in the beginning stages of writing an adoption book.    I do most of the household chores, make homemade meals (because nutrition is very important to me), and run Miss E to and from preschool and tap/ballet class. I prep grocery lists, coupon, and do the Christmas and birthday shopping.    I try to sneak in moments of personal joy and relaxation---reading a book, exercising, blogging. This occurs while my husband works long, hard hours in the financial industry, providing for our family.    Then he comes home and we take care of the girls, eat dinner, put the girls to bed, try to spend a bit of time together, before starting over again the next day.

Sound familiar?

We are busy.   Every day is a new adventure.

And in the midst of these activities and jobs and tasks, we so often forget to just stop and cuddle our babies, or start a tickle war, or head outdoors to play on the swing set.

Some days, I stop in the middle of doing everything and think, "What am I doing?" And more importantly, "What am I not doing?!?"

As I get closer to the big 3-0, I look around at those whom I grew up with. I think about their choices now---and so many of those choices, and the way they respond to hardship, and their mannerisms, and the way they raise their kids---so much of it is based on how their parents treated them.

And the weight, the monumental role of being called "mom," hits me, to be cliche, like a ton of bricks.

Parents, we have a big job.   One that never gets a day off.   One that makes or breaks a child.   One that requires so much patience, self-control, sacrifice, understanding, love, and wisdom.

This article says all that is on my heart today.   I hope you will take time to read it, reflect, and think about what you can change to become the best parent you can be to your current and future blessings.

Christmas Letter

2011-10-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

Do you write one?

I never used to be a fan. Mostly, my family received letters that went on and on about how great the kids were (how many baseball tournaments they were in...and blah blah blah).   However, I do remember this one couple who always sent a letter that was at least three pages long. The letter was incredibly detailed and though it wasn't meant to be, it was funny.

While we were waiting to adopt, I wrote my first Christmas letter.   This helped us announce our plans to adopt to those who didn't already know (particularly older relatives who don't use the Internet).     After that year, I just kept writing Christmas letters.

I now love receiving the letters as well.   December is an entire month where it's fun to open up the mailbox and see what treasures are inside.

If you want to write a letter that gets some (planned) laughs and smiles, follow these tips:

1: Reflect on the past year. What made your family smile? Cry? Laugh?   Snap a million photos?   Make a list.

2: Draft the letter. Then go back to it a few times, revising, before you print and send.   This gives you time to add details, delete lines that you realize make you sound like an idiot, and correct mistakes in grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

3: Details matter!   Give specifics about each family member.   Did he/she go on any special trips? Did something hysterical happen?   Were any interesting milestones reached? A new hobby?   Let personalities shine!   (If your kids are old enough, have them write their paragraph in first person, letting them say what they want).

4: What's going on in your adoption journey?    This is always a topic of interest to friends and family.   Your letter is an awesome opportunity to educate others on adoption. Share a blog URL or an article or a story about visiting birth family.

5: Print your letter on some fabulous paper (preferably the paper you bought last year on major sale after Christmas) and send, along with a fun family photograph.    (Your Christmas photo doesn't have to be each of you in matching sweaters.   Think outside the box.   The more creative, the better!)

Can you tell I'm ready for Christmas?

"That's so retarded!"

2011-10-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

I hear this phrase ALL the time. It disturbs me greatly, because I have a few family members who are developmentally delayed. I cringe to think that someone would ever say this phrase in their presence.

Here's a fabulous blog post on the topic. Please take a moment to check it out.

This PSA, selected by my students as one of the three options they may choose from for a analysis assignment, further explore the issue of saying, "That's so ____" ("gay," "retarded," etc.).

Our children are listening to us. Whether we utter these phrases or whether or not we stand up to those who do...they are listening, learning, and will repeat.

Celeb Adoption News + New Adoption Blog

2011-10-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hi, readers!

Mariska Hargitay and Viola Davis both have new additions to their families via adoption!

Parents magazine has a new blogger. The subject of her blog: adoption.

Even though I don't always agree with certain viewpoints, I am happy that adoption is becoming a more and more talked (and written about) topic. I am also thankful that celebs, who are, whether we like it or not, role models, are sharing adoption photos and talking about their adoption experienes.

Family Christmas Project

2011-10-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, Christmas is still over two months away, but being the planner I am, m formulating a plan to do a Christmas project as a family.

I used to love to do volunteer work.   In high school and college I went on several week-long mission trips to American Indian reservations and other areas of the US that were poverty-stricken.   Meeting the people, playing with their kids, and breaking a sweat (we repaired homes) was personally rewarding because we were doing something for others.

A crazy grad school schedule, followed by my diabetes diagnosis, followed by having two babies in three years...well, volunteering took a back burner.

I did, last summer, work at a hospital in the Diabetes Management Center.   It was rewarding, but juggling childcare was a challenge.

So, I'm figuring out other ways to "give back" or "make a difference" (or whatever cliche phrase fancies you) without sacrificing the well-being of my family.

Readers, what can you do, particularly during the upcoming season of abundance (for some) to give to someone else?

A friend of mine told me about a private school in East St. Louis, an area well known for crime and poverty, that does wonderful things for the community's children.    They are in need of certain supplies.     I immediately felt as if collecting and purchasing (with my new found couponing skills) items for this school would be an awesome family project.

How to pick a family project:
1:   What is your family passionate about? Hungry families?   Orphans?   Education?   People with disabilities?   The list of needs is endless.
2: What can you reasonably do for your selected organization or person?    Compare this to what is needed. (E-mail the necessary people to figure this out). Then ask: Is this project a good fit for your family AND the organization or person?
3:    Contribute with joy!    Recently, our church asked for school supplies for low-income school districts.    This was a fantastic project for our almost-three-year-old who was giddy over picking out Lightening McQueen folders.
4: Deliver. Take your family with you when you deliver your contribution.    Let them meet some of those who are being blessed.

Another option, particularly if you really don't have time to shop or volunteer for a cause, is to give a monetary gift in the name of a relative who you would normally buy a gift for.      Then give your relative a small token to remind them of the donation. For example, last year we gave money to a maternity home, and then gave a baby ornament to the relative to symbolize the donation in her name.   This is particularly beneficial if you have a hard-to-buy-for or has-everything-needs-nothing relative.

'Tis the season to share, give, bless, and be blessed!

Tidbits for You

2011-10-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

Check out this article on talking to your child's preschool teacher about adoption----or not? :) What do you think?

Good nutrition for adopted kids is an important and often overlooked topic. There's a website dedicated to supporting parents and adoption professionals. Check it out!

"Change is Good."

2011-10-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

My father, a salesperson for most of his life, would often tell my siblings and me: "Change is good."     During his motivational talks, he would take an air conditioner thermostat, showing his audience the area marked "comfort zone." He proceeded to talk about how so many of us refuse to step out of our comfort zones; therefore, our lives are mundane and predictable.

Maybe I'm having something like a mid-mid-life reflection of sorts. I'm turning 30 in January, and all the sudden I'm rearing at the bit to create some change in my life.   This is really difficult for me, because between raising two babies who are dependent upon me for almost everything and having a forever-and-ever disease (type I diabetes) that requires 24/7 management, change is frightening.   But it's also exhilarating.

So, in the works are several projects and changes.   Some of you are probably thinking, "That's dramatic for you?"    Yes.    I thrive on security, predictability, and control. Part of it is my type A personality, and the other is my disease which teaches me that in order to feel well, I have to be in total control, all the time.     I'm forever battling myself.   Sigh!

First, my blog is getting a makeover by Fran at Small Bird Studios.   Because I'm publishing more and more, my blog is getting more hits.   I want my blog to not only inform and inspire, but I want it to look great and reflect how much I am thankful for my readers.

Second, I'm saying no to non-paying writing projects.    I have finally built up enough publications on my writing resume to feel worthy of saying no to those who can't pay me for my time and talent.

Third, I'm working on two books.   One of which is open to contributors.    The other is in the hands of an agent.   I'm praying that if God wants me to write a book, He makes it abundantly clear to me.    I tend to put the cart before the horse, so I'm trying to be patient and accept if this is the right time in my life or not to write a book.    I'm battling myself----deciding to accept that I am talented enough, smart enough, and experienced enough to attempt a book.   (This didn't come easily to me, but a dear friend told me that I was good enough and to not pass this opportunity by. I love awesome friends like this!).

Fourth, I'm not going to let my appearance come nearly-last anymore. You know, I used to poke fun at my mom who would put on makeup just to run to Wal-Mart, but now I'm starting to get it.   I'm purchasing some newer clothes that compliment my skin and hair, and I'm cleaned out my closet, donating all items that didn't fit, didn't look nice, or urged me to be sloppy.    With two little girls, it's easy to excuse being a thrown-together-mama because inevidtably, I will end up with spit up, snot, or food on my clothes.    But you know, clothes can be washed.    I workout every day, so why not show off that hard work?    I'm going to stop buying anything black (because it makes me look washed out), to wear my high heels more often (because I always feel a little more confident in heels), and to not let something that's not working continue (like my attempt to grow out my hair).

Five, I'm changing my goals and being open to the possibilities life throws at me.    Steve and I are still considering adopting from foster care, specifically, an African American sibling group. I have so many doubts including if my girls will handle the change in birth order well, if I can manage my disease and take care of a large family, if we can afford this change, what we are willing to give up in order to have a large family, and so much more.    But I know if it's the right decision, everything will work out.

Finally, Steve and I working toward spending more quality time together.   Shutting the TV off can be hard after we've both had long, stressful days, but I strongly believe that united parents/partners create phenominal families! We're also using the questions from The Five Love Languages to guide us in some revealing discussions about ourselves.

The coming months are filled with possibilities, which I'm excited to greet and embrace.     I hope that you are also accepting the possibility of change in your life---big or small---for the better.

Etsy Gift Certificate Winner...

2011-10-10T14:56:00.001-07:00

Jodilee!

Congrats! :) Contact the Etsy seller to claim your prize. :)

Christmas in October: $10 Gift Certificate Giveaway!

2011-10-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Friends,

I'm so happy to share some information with you about my friend Elizabeth, an Etsy seller whom I ADORE! Her princess clips, featured above, are lovely; they are well made and support little girls of various races.      You have the opportunity to participate in a $10 gift card giveaway to Elizabeth's Etsy shop.   :)

First, here's some information about Elizabeth:

My name is Elizabeth Irving. I'm from Hudsonville, Michigan, and I make hair accessories for girls. My Etsy shop is called My Little Pixies, and it is so named for my two daughters, whom we have always joked are our "pixie" children because they are so little and sweet. I wanted my business name to reflect my girls, so that's how we landed on My Little Pixies.

I really believe in offering creative accessories for all kinds of girls. I love to create and offer items that reflect the beauty within every little princess. One of the best things about what I do is connecting with the many "friends." I've made in this wonderful community- suppliers, other creators, and clients. I opened my shop as a creative outlet- a way to justify a hobby I've had for awhile, and God has blessed it and allowed it to be a way to help provide for some of the little "extras" it's so nice to have every now and then. :)

Every little girl can use more hair accessories! At my shop, you'll find something for everyone- from the little Christmas baby to her big sister, or even the mom who wants to look extra cute for the Christmas party. I have lots of cute Christmas items, plus fun stuff for all year round.

-------------------------------

Giveaway Item:   $10 gift certificate to Elizabeth's Etsy shop.

Entry dates:   10/5-10/10 (at noon, CST)

Ways to enter (up to five ways per person):
1:   Become a follower of my blog, and leave me a comment telling me you did so.
2: Go to My Little Pixies on Etsy; leave me a comment telling me what you plan to purchase should you win the $10 gift certificate.
3:   Become a follower of my blog's FB page, and leave me a comment stating you did so.
4:   Post a FB or Twitter message about this giveaway, and leave me a comment stating you did so.
5:   Leave a comment stating what your favorite holiday tradition is.

Winner: The winner's comment will be posted after 12:00 p.m. (CST) on Monday, 10/10. The winner is responsible to contact Elizabeth and claim her prize.

Bedding

2011-10-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

We bought Miss E a lovely bed from IKEA last year, which she is quite fond of. It's low to the ground and beautiful. However, IKEA beds require special bedding due to their unique size and set up.

So, I went online to The Company Store and found two full size sheets that I loved---both on sale and in addition, I used a coupon (of course!). One is of multiracial fairies, the other flowers. My mother-in-law made this custom, reversible quilt for my daughter's bed, and is making an identical one for Baby E when she's old enough to be in a "big girl" bed. Benefit: sheets are far less costly than pre-made comforters! (Note: For a standard size twin bed, you will need a larger sheet than a full to make two comforters).

So, if you are frustrated, like me, with the lack of brown girls being represented, take matters into your own hands, pick your fabric, find a willing friend or family member (or pay someone if necessary), and create a one-of-a-kind creation that will comfort him or her night after night.

Adoption T-Shirts

2011-09-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter has two adoption shirts. One has a definition of adoption on it that says something like "loved and adored by both my families." The other says simply, "Worth the Wait."

It's obvious we're an adoptive family---pink parents, brown babies.    But I wonder if putting shirts like this on my toddler is beneficial or detrimental, and if yes to either, to whom is it beneficial or detrimental?

Is stamping a big fat "ADOPTION" sign on my child going to make her stand out more? I think yes---but is it good or bad?   I feel like transracial adoptive families, by default, are adoption educators (good or bad, well, that's up to them).    So perhaps a t-shirt like this encourages people to approach us, ask a question, which leads them to a better understanding of adoption. But is it fair to stamp an essential "ask me about adoption" stamp on my toddler?   Shouldn't she just be able to be normal?   Well as normal as adoption is (which it totally isn't "normal"---and I don't mean that to put down adoptive families, our family included---but adoption is just this complex, bizarre, complicated, intricate thing...).

Upon receiving these shirts, I was so excited. Finally, something that fits our family!    Shirts with messages stamped across the front are quite popular (my college students wear them all the time) and powerful.

I remember reading an article during the 2000 election about parents putting political onesies on their infants.   Some argued that it's the parent's right to dress his or her child as he or she chooses.   Others argued that it's ridiculous to put a political message, one that obviously the child couldn't grasp, across the child's chest.

I want my child to be proud of her adoption.   She has two families---one by birth, one by adoption---both of which love her dearly.   She was worth the wait (14 months of wondering if we'd ever be parents, to whom, under what circumstances, what possibilities, etc.).   But does the world need to know that all the time, via a t-shirt, placed on my child?

I don't know.

Thoughts?

Eczema

2011-09-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

Miss E has eczema. Boo.

I did many things to try to rid her of it:   creams and lotions (all recommended by a dermatologist), bleach in the bathwater (which worked temporarily but smelled horrible), changing laundry detergents, keeping pants on her legs when outdoors, limiting time in the bath tub.    She was too young to endure allergy testing...so that was off the table. I talked to numerous parents who all told me the same old tricks I had already tried.

None of it really worked.

So finally, I had a conversation with Miss E's biological brother's mom (got that?) who said she took her son off milk and his eczema went away.

So, one day, cold turkey, I stopped giving Miss E milk and started offering her soy instead. (Which she rejected for about a month, but I was persistent).

The exzema cleared up in a matter of days.

I talk to many moms of brown kids who say their children have eczema, and it's frustrating to pinpoint what the cause is and how to avoid it.     (Note, excema isn't just a brown baby issue).

If you are struggling with your little one's skin, here are some practical, inexpensive or free, healthy ways to help ease your child's eczema:

---Eliminate the use of body products that contain "dirty" ingredients.   Try alternative ways to moisten your child's skin like coconut oil, olive oil, vitamin E oil, or almond oil.   (The last two contain potential allergens---so be careful!)   I buy organic oils that are USDA certified to insure I'm getting what I want. I also LOVE Chartreuse products---made in the USA, mostly organic, and no water in the lotion!   My saleslady is also the girls' nanny, so please visit her Chartreuse page and check out the amazing products.
---Make your own laundry detergent.   Even "free" detergents can be full of things you don't want on your little one's skin, and many green beauty and cleaning books state that the cleaning industry is highly unregulated---meaning, you don't know what you're getting or doing to your body.     The recipe I use for detergent is:   3 cups of Borax, 3 cups of washing soda, and 1 bar of grated (healthy) soap.   Use 1 Tablespoon per load of laundry.
---Don't use dryer sheets or fabric softeners.   1 cup of vinegar in your rinse cycle helps eliminate odors and soften clothes. Use dryer balls or a rag with a few drops of your favorite essential oil on it instead.
---Limit bathtime. Water dries out skin. (That's why it's silly to buy any lotions containing water!)   10 minutes in a warm bath.   And do not bathe more often than necessary.   Miss E gets a bath 2x a week.
---The most important tip: Do whatever you can to figure out the cause.    I was simply covering up the problem with creams and lotions and bleach.   Once I discovered the sensitivity to milk, problem solved!

Miss E still has occasional patches, but I have found that by using natural remedies and making a few changes (which have saved me money in detergent and doctor bills), life for Miss E is much more happy.

Support Adoption While Satisfying Your Sweet Tooth

2011-09-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

Wendy's is now offering coupon books, which patrons can purchase for just $1, that contain free Frosty coupons! The proceeds go to support the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (supporting adoptions of children in foster care). What a fantastic Halloween hand-out, birthday party favor, or Christmas gift!

Baby E is 10 Months Old!

2011-09-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

Our youngest daughter, Baby E, is ten months old today. It's hard to believe! She's doing so many new and exciting things: saying "mama" and "dada," pulling from sitting to standing position, drinking from a sippy cup, learning to use a baby fork on her own, enjoying splashing in the swimming pool, teething, doing classic baby "snorty" face (wrinkling her nose and breathing really hard while closing her eyes), playing with her big sis, and listening for a few moments while I read to her.

I'll admit, when we first brought both of our girls home, they hardly felt like mine. This is common when adoptive families, who haven't had the ten months of gestational bonding and preparation, to feel that they are babysitting, not parenting, their new child. It's strange, miraculous, and frightening (even when you have plenty of child care experience like we did), to be handed a bundle of joy who will be yours FOREVER, a little someone who was born to someone else, looks like someone else, and has known, for the gestational period, someone else's voice, scent, and heartbeat.

But after many sleepless nights involving feedings, cuddles, and quiet songs, after fits of tears followed by giggles and smiles, after marathon play sessions, after kisses and cuddles, that baby becomes fully ours, despite that she looks nothing like us, that she exudes her birth parents in personality, preferences, and gestures, and that she was a stranger when she came to us, she is ours.

Here's an excerpt of a letter I wrote to Miss E around her 10 month birthday:

Today you had just finished eating some mixed veggies. (I know you were finished because you threw your sippy cup, then your fork, then some veggies onto the floor). I wiped off your hands and took you into the living room. I gave you a binky (you look so sweet when you suck your binky) and we read Ten Little Babies. You were attentive, focused, and quiet. What a beautiful moment. After we read the book twice, I put you in your bed for your nap.

I realize that I have now had you as my daughter for ten months which is the same amount of time your birth mother, _____, carried you in her. This is a defining moment in my life. I’m sad that _____ is missing you, and I’m sad that the circumstances in her life meant she felt she couldn’t parent you. I try my very best to send detailed letters to her and lots of photographs so she can see how you are doing, what you are interested in, and most of all, that we are living up to our promises to her---raising you in a Christian home, letting you experience new things, traveling, and educating you.

You are such a blessing to our family! Did you know when you were younger, we would get you out of bed when you were sleeping just to hold you and look at you? Yeah, you are that awesome. J

And today, now that Miss E's sister, Baby E, is 10 months, I am feeling this wave of emotion all over again.

Baby E was carried by her birth mother approximately the same amount of time that Baby E has been ours.

Please think for a moment what it would be like to have your ten month old baby, one whom you've cared for every day with love and devotion, to be taken from you. Just like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. Imagine the heartache, the terror, the confusion, the fear. Imagine the trust it would involve to hand your baby over to people you hardly know....forever. Imagine not knowing if those people will keep their promise to write you letters or visit you, keeping you informed on how your child is doing. Imagine wondering if you'd be forgotten eventually, or how you would explain your choice to your child one day if he or she were to ask you, "Why did you give me up?" (I know the PC language is "placed for adoption"---but I can tell you that some of the birth mothers I know use the term "gave up" because that is what it felt like to them.)

I am not a birth parent. But I know several women who are. And I will tell you that these women love their babies. They think of them every. single. day. They stumble upon grief during unexpected times. Their lives are never the same because a part of them is missing, forever, even when the loss was voluntary, even when the adoption is open, even when they can see and touch and speak with their birth child.

I rejoice in my sweet Baby E. I am thankful for the presence of her birth parents in our lives. And I am always mindful of the magnitude of their decision to allow us to raise Baby E.

Black Kids and Diabetes

2011-09-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

Read my latest article on My Brown Baby on black kids and diabetes.

Black Female Lead Characters

2011-09-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

It seems like black people are always the cool sidekick to the white hero.

My little sister and I used to love watching Walker Texas Ranger (yep, good old Chuck Norris).   But we loved watching Walker's sidekick Trivett, a handsome black man, the most.    However, Walker was always the center of the fights (and victories), and Trivett would usually kick a little rear in the background, or get injured only to have Walker save the day and return to Trivett to help.

As an adult I began to grasp how black people are underrepresented in books, movies, television shows, advertisements, greeting cards, toys, and much more.   Though there has been progress, such as Tyler Perry's popular films and television shows starring many black actors, there's much to be desired.

My daughters need to know that black girls can be "stars," and let's not limit them to Princess Tiana. It seems white little girls have limitless options of characters who look like them (and dolls, and other toys, and on clothing items, and greeting cards with white faces, and advertisements, and and and....).

I've been researching book series and movies that feature black girls (who are strong, lead characters).   I discovered Shanna, though many of the books seem to be out of print.   There's also Grace.   There's also a series for grade-school girls called the Sugar Plum Ballerinas.    I love Fancy Nancy books (so cute and fun!), but Nancy's best friend, Bree, a black little girl, is always the sidekick and never the star.

I find plenty of books featuring AA kids, though they aren't always the main character and rarely does the book move into a series where my girls can see a little black girl progress in various situations.

I hope a successful children's book author (many, actually) will produce a series of books featuring a young, black, lead female character. And I hope we will step up and support these authors by purchasing their books.

The publishing industry is much like any other business---it comes down to supply and demand.   If we, as consumers, clearly convey our desires (with feedback to companies and by "voting" with our dollars), there will be an increased supply.

If you know of more black female characters, please share!

Sensory Fun

2011-09-14T18:54:00.000-07:00

I don't buy many toys for my kids (unless they are on major sale and would be adored).   For one, they get plenty from relatives on their birthdays and Christmas, and we have many friends with older kids who give us the toys their children have outgrown. For another, I am anti-electronic toys (aka obnoxious, battery-gobbling, uninspiring toys).

But, my girls' birthdays are both in November, followed by Christmas in December, so there's a ten month gap between toy-receiving sessions.   So, what can a mama do who wants to bring in something new but doesn't want to spend money?

Over a year ago, I created a sensory tub for Miss E full of dried beans of various colors and sizes along with odd-and-end household items like toilet paper cardboard rolls, plastic containers, and cheap spoons.   We would place the open tub in the kitchen (for easy sweeping afterward).   NOTE: This is an awesome toy for AA kids, like mine, who aren't allowed to go near a sand box.    :)

Now that Baby E is mobile and FAST, the dried beans pose a choking hazard. So I came up with a new idea: a toddler and baby safe sensory tub featuring fabrics, ribbons, and other odds and ends.

Ask friends and family members for any leftover ribbon and scrap fabrics they might have. (You might even call your local fabric store to see if they are willing to donate any items to you that they are throwing away). Throw in things you no longer want or need. I found several jar lid rings in my kitchen which are perfect for "threading" fabrics.

Just the other day I caught Miss E "decorating" Baby E like a Christmas tree. Baby E was sitting perfectly still, mesmerized by her sister's actions. :)

Two Interesting Articles

2011-09-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Time magazine controversy regarding African Americans and 9/11.

There are more and more interracial couples.

What To Feed The Kids?

2011-09-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

Like most moms, I want to feed my children healthy, wholesome foods, but there never seems to be enough time! Furthermore, being a diabetic means I take healthy eating quite seriously.

After many sessions of trying various recipes, I came up with my own recipe for muffins that can serve as part of a meal or a snack for kids of all ages (even babies who have a few teeth!).

YOUR CHOICE MUFFINS

Makes approx 12 muffins

Dry Ingredients:

1 ¾ cup of dry base---a combo of a few: oats, whole wheat flour, whole wheat pastry flour, wheat germ, flax seed, cereal, etc.
1 ½ t baking powder
½ t baking soda
½ t salt
1/3 cup sugar

Wet Ingredients:

1 egg
1 cup of liquid---a combo of milk, soy milk, orange juice, pineapple juice, unsweetened applesauce, yogurt, etc.
2 T of olive or canola oil or 2 T of unsweetened applesauce
1 cup of chopped/diced/tidbits fruits and/or veggies (berries, peaches, pineapple, carrot, apple, etc.)

1: Heat the oven to 400. Grease or place cupcake holders in a cupcake pan. As an alternative, grease a 9 x 13 glass baking dish (which I prefer because it’s easier to clean) and then after baking, cut your muffin "cake" into portions.

2: Combine dry ingredients in one bowl, wet ingredients in another.

3: Mix dry ingredients with wet ingredients. Combine just until mixed---not until smooth. A few lumps are fine!

4: Pour into your pan on muffin cups and bake about 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

5: Serve and/or freeze extra. (The muffins unthaw in about an hour---so they are great to take when traveling or eating out).

Tips/Thoughts:

Combos I’ve tried: apple carrot muffins, pineapple flax seed, blueberry banana. Have fun experimenting!
Flax seed adds fiber and protein. Make sure to buy ground (not whole); you can find it on the baking aisle in stores.
For optimal health, I purchase as many organic ingredients as possible including dairy (milk and eggs), fruit (regular fruit contains tons of pesticides), sugar, and oats.
This recipe is perfect if you fruit that is almost too ripe, stale cereal, etc.

Cultural Gallery

2011-09-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

Amy Ford writes in Brown Babies, Pink Parents about supporting your children of color by decorating your home with art that features people who look like them and/or support their cultural norms.

Over the past year or so, I've been collecting art to frame and place in my girls' bathroom/guest bathroom.   The room features the only bright color in our house----a vibrant strawberry red.    Since the room is used often by my family and guests, I found it to be the perfect place to feature my art collection.

Being the bargain hunter I am, here are some tips on creating an affordable art gallery:

1: Purchase greeting cards that feature kids who look like yours.   I suggest looking at (Cost Plus) World Market.

2:  Purchase postcards featuring kids who look like yours.    One of my favorite pictures came from a postcard I purchased at an art museum in Washington DC.   It's a picture of an AA woman on a beach.

3: Scour Etsy. Many sellers will customize art to fit your desires. I have found prints for as little as $9! The mermaid print on the left is from Etsy, as is the print on the bottom right. (The upper right photo is a greeting card from World Market---a photo of babies of various races and in various moods).

4: You could also (gasp!) use artwork from books you have purchased.   Currently, Border's is going out of business, and I've heard they are due to close by the end of September. Now might be a perfect time to load up on cheap books that might feature art you can frame.

5: When choosing frames, choose the same style and color so you do not distract the viewer from the art itself.    I chose black frames with white mats.    I've been asked where one can get the best deal on frames. I recommend Kohl's. If you have Kohl's charge card, you get an additional twelve sale offers a year that the non-charge-holder-customer doesn't receive.    Combine the 50%+ off frame sale with a 30% off coupon (and sometimes you can even earn or redeem Kohl's Cash at this time) to get frames for as little as $8 each.

Happy creating!   My gallery creates interesting conversations with guests, and my oldest, Miss E, loves picking out her favorite picture (which can change moment to moment).

Adoption Book: Your Stories Wanted

2011-09-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

Please check out my new page and publish the info via FB, Twitter, e-mail, etc. I want to hear from you!

What A Wild Week!

2011-09-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

What a busy week! First, we prepared for a weekend-long visit with Miss E's bio brother and his adoptive family. Miss E prepared a very special cookie for her big brother---complete with 1/4 of a container of orange sprinkles.

We visited The Magic House in St. Louis. What fun! Baby E was all tuckered out and took a nap in the sling.

Miss E and her bio brother at the St. Louis Zoo. They loved sharing snacks and kisses.

What Labor Day is complete without a donut? We made a rare trip to Krispy Kreme. (Donuts, by the way, freeze really well).

Miss E started preschool today! She did great---didn't shed a tear and was smiling when I arrived to pick her up.

What I Know: A List of Health and Happiness

2011-09-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's easy, with the hustle and bustle of a new school year, to forget what we need as women so that we can maximize our performance as mothers, wives, employees, community leaders or participants, friends, etc.

So, it's list time, ladies.   :)

Get out a piece of paper, or your fancy cell phone, or open up a fresh Word document. Whatever you fancy.   Now, make a list of ten things you know help you be the best woman you can, the things that help you feel good, look good, and act good.   :)

Here I go:

1:   Get quality sleep.   My new goal is to be in bed, lights out, by 10:30 every weeknight and not to use the computer right before bed (which whacks me out).

2:   Exercise each morning---even if I can only squeeze in 20 minutes.    The best workout---an outdoor walk (because it doesn't feel like work).     Additionally, I enjoy weight lifting, using my elliptical, and using the stair-climber at the gym.

3:   Get with God.   I know my day will be better when I feel that I'm focused on God's will and not mine, when I've prayed for myself, my husband, my kids, and my friends and family members, and when I've been divinely inspired and encouraged.

4:   Play time.    On the days when I get on the floor and play with my kids, I'm happier and their happier.     Outdoor play is usually the most beneficial for all of us---sunshine, exercise, and laughter.   But if that's not possible, bring on the Little People, dress up, and art supplies.   Acting like a kid is fun and de-stressing.

5: Down time.   This means time for myself (reading a magazine or book, browsing my favorite stores online, or watching one of my DVR'd shows) and with my kids (cuddling in bed with books).

6:   Husband time.   This means shutting off the tv, ignoring phone calls and texts, etc. and just focusing on my spouse.    This is usually the area that I am the least persistent in; however, it's one of the most important areas.    :)

7: Good food.   I aim to always make healthy meals and snacks for my family.   A lot of planning goes a long way.   I know at the end of the day when I'm tired, hungry (and so are they), nothing helps like a wholesome meal.

8: Craftiness.   Whether I'm putting recent photos in an album, creating a super easy birth banner for my girls (cut triangles of fabric and sew them to a strand of adorable ribbon), baking a new dessert, or making a hair bow for my daughters, getting crafty is satisfying and de-stressing.

9: Clean, purge, organize.    Ok, I am one of those crazy people who likes to clean, purge, and organize.   At least, I like the finished results. I get out my vinegar and go to town.   :)    I feel less stressed and more happy when my house is tidy.   Now that Miss E is nearly three, she can help clean.   She vacuums (the same spot over and over....), dusts, and unloads some of the dishes.   She sets the table (who doesn't want three spoons with each meal?), too.     I keep a box in my closet where I can toss in items to donate after I've organized a closet or drawer.

10:   Say no.   I was recently presented with two incredible opportunities. One was to co-facilitate an adoption ministry at my church of 1500 people, and the other was to teach two hours a week at a small, private school.     Both would have been wonderful experiences, but realistically, between teaching two classes at the university, freelance writing, blogging, keeping up with the house, taking care of the girls (which includes Miss E starting preschool and tap/ballet in the same week!), and being a wife, I knew I couldn't do a great job. So I said no to both.    It's ok to turn your cell to vibrate, not respond to e-mails right away, or take a vaca from Facebook (saying no to interruptions and distractions).     I stopped DVRing crappy television---saying no to garbage that didn't enhance my life. Say no. Do it. You'll feel empowered.

(Miss E saying "no" to stress and reading her favorite book in bed).

After you've made your list, hang it somewhere visible. Review it often. When you start to feel yourself slipping into unhappiness, negativity, and stress, go back to your list and commit to revisit what you love and what you need. In doing so, you become the woman you want to be. :)

$15 Etsy Gift Card Winner....

2011-09-02T11:34:00.001-07:00

Charlotte!

Please contact the seller to claim your prize. ;)

Multicultural Families Website + Awesome Article

2011-08-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

The editor of this website contacted me and asked me to write for them. What a fantastic resource this site is for multicultural families! Happy reading!

I love this article on the Adoptive Families website on choosing a school for your child who was adopted transracially.

Giveaway: $15 Gift Card to an Etsy Shop (That Promotes Adoption)

2011-08-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

I met Heidi on Etsy, one of my favorite online stores!   She's giving away a $15 gift certificate to her Etsy shop to one lucky WSBS reader.    (She sent a yellow and pink version of this lovely tee to Miss E---how sweet!)

Meet Heidi:

I am a child of The King, wife, mom, RN, junior high teacher, fifth grade teacher, kindergarten teacher, embroiderer, digitizer and business owner.   In between housework, cooking, errand running, designing and stitching, I sneak up on my kids and try to impart knowledge without them thinking I am teaching them. My 13-year-old daughter sometimes whispers to my 11-year-old son, "Watch out, here comes a Sneak Attack."

I have been known to stay in my studio through lunch and start making dinner at 7pm. I don't always have anything to show for my time in there. Sometimes I just sit and stare at thread or fabric and let the colors sink into my soul.

My first "sewing" machine was a six-needle industrial embroidery machine that I had been drooling over for 5 years. Every new model that came out heightened my desire to own one. Since that purchase in May of 2010, I have branched out to a ten-needle machine and a little (actual) sewing machine. One of the conditions of purchase was that the machine would pay for itself. I opened an Etsy store on the advice of some friends.

My first project ever was a baby shower gift for a friend expecting a baby on paper from Ethiopia. My machine hadn’t been delivered to the store, yet, so they offered to let me use their display model. There I was, stitching a baby onesie with “Love Brought Home” and cloth diapers with “We brought love home.” in a sewing machine store. Customers and employees asked what I was doing. I loved getting the word out about adopting from Ethiopia. I’ll always wonder what seeds took root that day.

I’ve stitched many baby items with the Heart over Africa design and Worth the Wait. Adoption has been around me most of my adult life. We haven’t adopted--yet. I have been so tickled to be able to support my friends with cute clothes stitched with adoption themed designs.

My Etsy shop, named The Blissful Stitcher, is an assortment of experiments. I am constantly trying new things and stretching the boundaries of my experience. I have a couple of superb computer programs that I use to digitize designs and an inventory of thousands of designs from various sources. My blog and my Facebook page show an assortment of custom items to spark the imagination of a future customer.

Giveaway Begins: Monday, August 29th.

Giveaway Ends: Friday, September 2nd, at noon (CST).

Giveaway Item:   $15 gift certificate to Heidi's Etsy shop.

How to enter (up to five times!):
1:   Visit Heidi's Etsy shop and tell me which item is your favorite via a comment.
2: Become a fan of White Sugar, Brown Sugar on Facebook, and leave me a comment telling me you did so.
3: Become a follower of my blog, and tell me you did so via a comment.
4: Vote for my blog in the Parents' contest (see hot pink button on the right of my blog), and leave me a comment telling me you did so.
5: Promote this giveaway on Facebook, and leave me a comment telling me you did so.

A winner will be posted after 12:00 p.m. (Central Standard Time) on Sept 2.    It is the winner's responsibility to set up an Etsy account (free), and contact Heidi to claim her prize.

Thank you to Heidi for her generosity!

FORGET IT FRIDAYS

2011-08-26T02:33:00.000-07:00

After a nine month break (maternity leave, if you will) from work, I've return to teaching part-time.   The change is most welcome.

Now, with this change comes the need for a stricter schedule for my family and myself in order to make sure everything gets accomplished during the week that is necessary---laundry, grocery shopping, etc.

So, Mondays-Thursdays are designated for work, errands, chores, and preschool and ballet/tap class for Miss E starting in early September. But Fridays...

well, I am starting a new tradition.

FORGET IT FRIDAYS.

This is a day of minimal chores and plenty of fun!

For our first FIF, which occurred on August 19th, we swam in the big pool, then played in the little pool. We came in for a leisurely snack followed by a toenail and nail painting session along with my daughter's current favorite DVD.    Next was lunch, naps for all, and then an evening of doing whatever was fun---a stop at the bookstore and craft store, dinner out.

If you can designate a whole day to "forget it," consider a forget it afternoon a week.   Do whatever relaxes and refreshes you and your family. Create a budget for the "forget it" time if you want to shop, do an activity, or go out for a meal or snack.

The point is to create a family time to look forward to in the midst of a crazy week.

What are your forget it ideas?

Why Do White People Adopt Kids of Color?

2011-08-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

My latest post on My Brown Baby explains my family's stance on this important issue.

Frustrating, To Say The Least: A White Mama (of Two Brown Girls) Rant & Suggestions

2011-08-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

Birthday cards at Wal-Mart. All the kids are white!

Barbie dolls at Kohl's----the only brown doll was a Princess Tiana doll.

I know people like to say they are colorblind, or that race doesn't matter, or that the world is a melting pot. Those are all really fluffy, happy-go-lucky, Utopian ideas. Because every time I go to buy my girls a toy, or a t-shirt, or a greeting card for their birthdays, I get frustrated all over again. Where are the items for brown kids? Yes, besides the ONE Princess Tiana birthday card. (Though I do appreciate that Disney FINALLY had an AA Princess, my daughter can hardly watch most of the movie because of all the demonic, scary scenes). (I recommend checking out some of my readers' comments here).

My dear friend adopted an AA boy last fall. She has tried to find him an AA boy doll. I did some hunting for her, and all I could find was a $70 Cabbage Patch Doll. Ridiculous!

It's also frustrating that there aren't many popular AA characters beyond Princess Tiana. There are a few shows like Little Bill (featuring an AA boy) or Dora (featuring a Hispanic girl and boy), but most of the time, any AA characters (in kids' films or adult films) are sidekicks---usually the "cool black" person who supports the white hero.

Seems like I have to dig and dig and dig (literally, through shelves of items at a store) to find AA toys, cards, etc. And most of the time (I guess good for my piggy bank...) the items are in clearance (because they don't sell?). Several times, I've had items custom made for my girls, like their Christmas stockings.

What can you do to help your child of color?

1: Buy toys, clothing items, and cards (in advance if you have to---like this matching game I got my girls when I found it in clearance for $5! at a specialty toy shop) of items that feature people who look like them.

2: Support companies that sell items that feature kids of all colors. Some of my favorite companies (selected items featured) include: Melissa and Doug, EEBoo (see matching game in item 1), CP Toys, Hallmark, & Cracker Barrel. Here's a previous blog post with more links. I also recommend searching Etsy. Many sellers, like this one, will custom make items to your specifications---including skin tone and hair color. I have found Etsy sellers to generally be very accommodating and supportive. In the past, Pottery Barn jewelry boxes came with a white ballerina and a brown ballerina, allowing the buyer to choose the featured girl. :) This company claims to have the biggest selection of AA books. You can also search this site.

3: Write a short e/m of appreciation to companies that sell items that feature kids who look like yours. Carter's has consistently featured children of all races on their clothing lines.

4: Write a short e/m to companies you love (I'm a Gymboree fan) that need to do a better job featuring kids of all colors. Tell them you love their products, but they need to do a better job representing children of all races, not just white kids.

5: Suggest books and videos to your local library that feature characters of various races and history books that support your child's racial background.

6: Consider buying books and toys to donate to your library, your child's school, etc. that feature children of different races. Additionally, you can buy adoption books for these institutions.

(If you're a mother of white children, that doesn't mean you're off the hook. ;) Buy multi-racial items for them).

If you have more tips, favorite companies, etc., please leave a comment so my readers can benefit!

Follow WS, BS on Facebook!

2011-08-17T14:34:00.000-07:00

You can now find White Sugar, Brown Sugar on Facebook! By liking WS, BS, you'll be updated on blog posts, adoption news, and more. You can also interact with me and my readers. :)

Adopting Children With Special Needs: Amber's Story

2011-08-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, medical needs terrify me as an adoptive parent. As a person who already has plenty of medical needs, the idea of compounding medical needs is scary.

That's why I think I try to surround myself with people who are willing to step out on faith and adopt the child God has for them. I need to learn from these individuals and couples.

I first met Amber on an online adoption forum several years ago. A few years into our online friendship, I got to meet her and several other adoptive mamas in person while my family was on vacation. Amber is down-to-earth, beautiful, and dedicated to God. She has one biological daughter and twins, one boy and one girl, whom she and her husband adopted. I'm honored to share her story with you.

Me: Tell me about your family.

Amber: We are a military family with three children at home. Layla (7), Brynn (4), and Cale (4); and one more waiting for us in Eastern Europe- Anna Gray (4 months). My husband and I have been married for just over 8 years. Our days are filled with dance parties, truck races, baking cupcakes, and lots of giggles!

Me: How has adoption touched your life?

Amber: I knew I wanted to adopt at 4-years-old, I just didn't know WHY until I actually did it. Our oldest daughter is biological, but our twins were adopted domestically as infants and of course, we are doing an international adoption to bring Anna Gray home. Hearing God's voice, believing Him when He spoke, and watching him follow through with His Word has strengthened our faith in ways we could have never imagined. That's our purpose- to Glorify God- He's just using adoption to teach us.

Me: Tell me how you connected to your future daughter, Anna.

Amber: We were in the beginning stages of preparing another domestic infant adoption when we were introduced to Reece's Rainbow. Reece's Rainbow is an orphan ministry specifically for children with Down Syndrome. I curiously looked through the pages of waiting children online when I saw Anna Gray, and my heart leaped. Even our children immediately said, "When is she coming home?" the second they saw her. We took some time to pray about it and repeatedly got the same answer- go get her. Our son said he asked God to bring him a baby with a mohawk... and He did! We are knee-deep in paperwork right now, having just started our dossier. We will spend the next few months trying to cross our T's and dot our I's, learning about a life with Down Syndrome, and raising the necessary funds to bring her home. Since this wasn't OUR plan, we have a lot of work to do! If all goes well, she should be home just after Christmas!

Me: What does your family need right now?

Amber: We will always welcome any prayer support! Prayers that Annie's needs are being cared for while she waits for us, prayers that we get through the process without too many bumps in the road, prayers that we are financially prepared for this unexpected gift. For those that feel led to give financially, we are so, so grateful.

Me: What do you want to share with my readers about adoption?

Amber: When we first found out about the twins, the connection we felt to them terrified us. WE hadn't planned on adopting TWO babies at once. We hadn't saved enough money, we were overwhelmed by the unknown. After praying for guidance, our preacher stopped in the middle of his sermon to speak to "the one God is trying to reach". He used adoption as an example and said, "Sometimes God wants to take you in a direction you didn't plan for. Yes, it's scary and I know you don't think you can do it, but He's telling you that you CAN. It may not look exactly like what you thought it would, but listen when He tells you this is what He wants you to do."

I cannot even imagine my life if we hadn't listened. Dating as teenagers, my husband and I didn't daydream about our transracial, multicultural family and a life with Autism, ADHD, and Down Syndrome. The life He has given us is so much greater than anything we could have imagined for ourselves! It isn't easy, and it won't get easier with Anna Gray's arrival- but that doesn't mean it won't get better either! We are so grateful for ALL of our blessings, no matter how they found us.

It's easy to get intimidated by the work, by the money, by the future. But for us, it's short-term compared to a lifetime of reward with our children!

To connect with Amber, please click on the "Bring Anna Home" button located at the bottom right-side of my blog.

Adoption Tax Stuff

2011-08-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

My husband is a CPA, so he does the taxes each year and then comes to me and says, "Sign here" about six times. I pretty much failed the mock tax paperwork test in Cosumer Education class in high school. Something about all the fine print and mostly, the numbers, turns me off.

Anyway, here's a new article by the IRS regarding the tax credit/refund guidelines. I hope you find it helpful. It's easy to read and understand, and that's coming from the girl who used to have panic attacks in college math class. ;)

Second Best?

2011-08-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

I get pretty sad, for lack of a better word, when I hear someone say they "have to adopt" because nothing else has worked. It's like they are settling, choosing something second best. I've also heard people ask adoptive families why they "have to adopt" (which is, of course, totally none of their business!), implying that adoption is a last resort.

I never ever ever want my children to feel as though they are second best. The truth is, adoption wasn't in our plans when we got married. Not because we despised it, but truly because it never crossed our minds. We figured, like many couples, we'd get married, have a few kids (biologically, of course), and live happily ever after.

But when type I diabetes stormed in, we reevaluated our decision to have biological children. It would be quite risky to my health and potentially to the health of the unborn child. The list of potential complications is extensive, ranging from rapid organ and system deterioration in the mother to blood sugar issues or major birth defects in the baby. Death for both was also a possibility.

GULP.

We're talking about some pretty serious stuff.

I wasn't willing to risk my health or put my own desires (to have a biological child) above the health of that child.

The decision to adopt was immediate (upon diagnosis) and complete for me. It wasn't second best. It was best. 100%.

I don't know how I arrived at that choice so clearly and completely. God? Maybe. Type A personality? Partly. But it happened.

I was confident in this choice from day #1. While others would doubt our choice---questioning, didn't we want our own?---I held true to my conviction. I honestly couldn't understand why people weren't getting it. Diabetes was a BIG FREAKING DEAL. Did they not see how close I was to death? How diabetes could kill me or an unborn child---and I should be ok with that and in the name of biology force my body through hell in order to have "my own"?

I realize that not every woman arrives at the decision to adopt in the same way. Nor are some women 100% ok with adoption, because deep down, they are always longing for the possibility of a biological child. I read many blogs and Facebook posts testifying to the "but maybe" and "what if" moments these women have.

My fertility, unlike many of my adoptive mama friends, wasn't stolen from me. But my life was drastically altered, DRASTICALLY, by the loss of all my body's insulin. Not only was the decision to not have biological children changed, but every single day of my life is dictated by my disease. That's how a chronic disease is. Even if you want to be normal, you can't, because your disease will hit you upside the head or kick you in butt when you least want it to, telling you, "You are not normal. You are sick."

I guess in some ways, infertility is a lot like a chronic disease. It's ever-present. Even on good days, when we feel at peace, it's still there, quietly lurking about, preparing to pounce.

What is the point of this post? I guess that we, as adoptive parents, we have to be sensitive to the words we use AND the words we accept in our lives from others. "Have to" is rather dangerous. It sends a powerfully negative, if not life-altering message to our adopted kiddos. We can't and shouldn't push our personal issues (whether that's loss of fertility, a chronic disease, or anything else) onto our children for them to carry. It's just too much. We have to be really careful what we say and who we say it to (it could come back and bite us and our children in the rear). We have to be careful what we blog---because once it's out there, it's out there. Would you be ok with your child reading what you are writing? And we have to really guard our own minds---what are we dumping onto ourselves. I was once totally obsessed with an online adoption forum---until I realized it was only making me crazy, that the things shared were only hindering me, not helping me, become a better mom and wife. I had to let. it. go.

My girls are not second best. God knew before I was born that I would end up with this horrible disease. He knew Miss E and Baby E would be mind. He carefully planted people in my life who would cultivate adoption-minded love. I see where jobs I worked---as a nanny, as preschool teacher at church, as a babysitter, as a day care worker---taught me that I could love a child who was not biologically mine. I was learning to be an adoptive mother long before I knew I wouldn't have biological children.

What an incredible journey it's been so far. Though it wasn't what I planned for my life, it sure isn't second best.

----

So, dear readers, what do you need to let go? What is one healthy thing you can do to better yourself as an adoptive or future adoptive parent? What words do you need to reject? What changes can you make? What is your life teaching your child in terms of adoption, infertility, loss, sadness?

Random Goodness: Brown Kids, Black Hair, Black Dads, and Young Moms

2011-08-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this on FB a few weeks ago. I thought transracial families would find it of interest.

Likewise, this article is intriguing. The topic is black hair. I'm shocked that people would touch a GROWN WOMAN's hair. I thought young black kids were the only ones who struggled with hair petting strangers. (Speaking of hair-petting, people continue to pet my daughter's head. I'm going so insane trying to figure out what to do. I REALLY hope I don't freak out and blow up at some innocent person one of these days. We told Miss E to tell people, "Don't touch my hair, please" but she forgets when she's playing or focused on a bug flying around or whatever).

What happens to black kids who grow up without dads? Watch this new documentary trailer.

Finally, a recent post on one of my favorite websites, My Brown Baby, is on the subject of young moms (18-28). How can they be financially secure? How can they find their dream job while juggling motherhood? One lady who has "been there done that" blogs on this topic and has a new book out. What a fantastic resource for young moms!

Time for Your Man + My Latest Adoption Article

2011-08-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Life is busy.

Understatement. :)

My husband works for a large financial company---and like every other company right now, there are stresses due to the tough economy. My husband puts in long hours to provide for our family.

I'm preparing to return to the University to teach part-time in a few weeks. Planning a 16 week course (x2 different classes) is quite a task! Not to mention I'm writing for Diabetes Health, Adoptive Families, and other publications.

Oh yeah, and we have two kids: an infant and a toddler. Enough said about that.

So how do we stay connected? Here are some tips. And I am, by no means, an expert. This is just what is working for us:

Stop watching crappy television. We canceled many shows on our DVR. If we want to watch a mindless show, we do so when the other person is busy. For instance, when I nap (along with the girls) on a Sunday afternoon, my husband can watch one of his man shows.

Shut off the technology. We try not to use the computer or our cell phones after 7 p.m. every night and rarely on the weekends.

Go on a date. Duh.

Plan a one-night getaway, even if it's just locally or even a staycation (stay at home minus the kids!). Trade babysitting with friends to save money.

Don't say "yes" very often. I'm not a fan of being majorly involved in many activities to where it compromises your family's togetherness, bonding, and unity. I have my adoptive mom group that meets once a month. My husband goes on an annual man-weekend.

What works for you?

-----

Will my kids be black enough? Find out more on My Brown Baby.

Our Adoption Agencies

2011-07-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have been fairly private about the adoption agencies we have used, mostly because each person has a different experience and my praise might not mean our agency is the right one for your family.

With our first adoption, we were rather naive. We figured, if an agency has "Christian" in its name, it must be good, right? (Turns out they were VERY expensive in comparison to other agencies. Granted, the fees were higher because they employed more people and did a lot of advertising, but later, I learned how unimportant and unnecessary that really is). I also didn't get a call back from one agency, which I found out later, would have cost less money. After waiting for about six months with our first agency, I started researching secondary agencies. I researched many agencies in our state, but I came up with nothing. I also looked into waiting with attorneys, but again, I wasn't all that impressed. So I started researching agencies in neighboring states.

Eventually, I found THE one for us. We liked them because one, they were a small agency that had reasonable fees. They seemed to be ethical and Christian (Christian doesn't always equal ethical, sadly!).

The second agency (not our home-state agency) was the one that placed us with Miss E.

With our second adoption: We chose a home agency (a non-Christian agency) that had very reasonable fees, an excellent social worker (who knows her stuff!), and could provide us with a well-detailed homestudy. We then, without hesitation, joined our secondary agency (out of state). As you recall, this adoption journey went very quick!

You might be thinking, How the heck do I choose an agency?

I think, especially if you're adopting for the first time, that the best way to get started is to first get educated on adoption. You can't possibly know what questions to ask if you don't understand what you are asking about. Read, read, read. Talk to adoptive families. You can check out this guide as a starting point. (Just remember, most adoptive families who get a placement RAVE about their agency, but you should suspect they are raving because they got a baby, not because the agency was extraordinary).

Then, generate a list of questions to ask agencies as you call them. Remember that adoption isn't all about us as the adoptive parents. You want to find out how they treat expectant moms and birth parents. Do they provide support after the placement for you, as the adoptive couple, and to the birth parents?

Sit down with your spouse and discuss the pros and cons of each agency. Obviously, cost is a major factor for some couples. Other important questions we asked included: Do you allow us to work with more than one agency? What types of "networking" do you encourage (which told us how ethical the agency is)?

A red flag for us was unavailable social workers. If it takes forever to get a response (like the agency we called that never called us back!) Adoptive families should know that social workers are often overworked and underpaid. They are BUSY. But, they should respond in a reasonable time frame based on the question or concern they are presented with. Remember that when it's your turn to be placed with a baby, you want that SW's full attention. You don't want him/her answering less-important questions. So, I think it's important to ask your SW, what is the best way for me to reach you and at what point do you wish for me to contact you a second time (and how?) if I don't hear back in a few days?

Also, read the agencies literature (online, brochures, etc.). If they are always pumping up adoptive parents but constantly tell birth mothers/expectant mothers how adoption is SO much smarter/better than parenting, think again. A woman in a crisis pregnancy isn't going to be a bad mother by default.

Ultimately, you are paying big bucks for a service and a process. You will have your agency in your life for a significant period of time, if not forever should you continue to work with them in order to communicate with your child's biological family members. So be demanding, diligent, and most of all, prayerful in your decision. It's a BIG deal.

So, it's with all this that I tell you, with our second adoption, our primary agency was Lutheran Child and Family Services. Our secondary agency for our first and second adoptions, which placed us with Miss E and Baby E, is The Light House in Kansas City, MO. AND, I'm pleased to share with you that LH is having a community baby shower. I LOVE that LH helps support moms who choose to parent their babies. :)

Note: I have not been paid in any way to tell you about these agencies. I'm also not recommending that any reader use these agencies. Remember----each situation is very different.

Good luck choosing an agency!

Online Shopping

2011-07-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

I'm an Amazon fanatic---mostly because the items I purchase are usually 10 to 40% cheaper than stores, plus there's always deals to get free shipping. And, the items usually arrive within TWO days!

A online store I've discovered is called Zulily. The company offers sales that last a few days. Sign up is free. Check the website daily for new deals. I recently purchased umbrellas for my girls, one of which features ballerinas of several races, including AA! Another great feature of this online store is that when you invite friends and they place their first order, you get a $15 credit to shop. :)

I've been Christmas shopping for months now, when I stumble upon good deals online or in-store. Get alerts on fabulous sales from my favorite coupon site. She recently posted an alert that Target had some women's clearance jeans for $4.98, and then combined with Target's online $3 off one pair of adult denim coupon, I scored a pair of jeans for $1.98!

I'm all about saving money!

Favorite Adoption Books

2011-07-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

I have a long, long, long list of resources on the subjects of adoption and diversity. You may get a little lost and overwhelmed when you see that list for the first time. :) So, here are my current favorite books for adoptive families.

Adoption Books for Adoptive Parents:

In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption (Elisabeth O'Toole)

The Girls Who Went Away (Ann Fessler)

Adoption Nation (Adam Pertman)

Adoption Books for Little Ones:

It's Ok to Be Different (Todd Parr)

Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes (Mem Fox)

My Family is Forever (Nancy Carlson)

Diversity-Minded Books for Little Ones:

I Like Myself! (Karen Beaumont)

Cloudette (Tom Lichtensheld)

How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World (Marjorie Priceman)

Happy reading!

Let the Fun Begin (School Forms, That Is)

2011-07-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to receive Miss E's packet of preschool paperwork a few weeks ago. As a teacher, I'm all about the backpacks, pencils, bulletin boards, and paperwork. Yes, I am a weird-o who enjoys paperwork. :)

Some of the paperwork reminds me how unique our family is. For one, we are asked to bring a family photo to our child's first day of school for a special project. I immediately started thinking, should I include one of us with Miss E's bio mom and siblings? (Husband says, no.)

Then I started filling out forms. One of which asks what else I can share that would help the teachers better understand my child. The first thing that popped into my mind after "very social" and a "strong leader" (yep, already, at 2.5 years old), was "adopted."

I don't want Miss E to be labeled as "adopted," yet it's so obvious. And, we are proudly an adoptive family. And because we have open adoptions, Miss E might be bringing up the names of birth family members to classmates and teachers. Should I clue those teachers in?

How much of an adopted child's life demonstrates they are unique and celebrated due to that uniqueness and how much of it makes them stand out "like a sore thumb" to where it becomes detrimental? And as an adoptive parent with a young child, what sort of standard or tradition do I set now, this early on, in terms of what we share with teachers?

Miss E proudly tells people, just as she did at the library yesterday to a 3 year old little girl, her name followed by, "I'm adopted!" :) She loves all the books we have on adoption, and in fact, knows, I would say for her age, a fair amount about race. She says, "I'm brown" and tells me that I'm "pink." She loves a new children's book which focuses on the Underground Railroad where the word "FREEDOM" is stated time and time again. (She walks around whispering it. So cute!)

I guess one of my fears is that if I don't share enough of Miss E's story, the general population (including educators) who are naive about adoption might try to "fill in" or teach Miss E something that isn't accurate or could even be offensive (unintentionally, of course). I want to, to some degree, beat them to the topic so I can, from the get-go, present adoption in a positive, confident way.

Maybe I just leave it up to Miss E. She's well-spoken for her age, oddly adult at times, and confident.

Perhaps I sit back and wait. See if there are questions or concerns. And if there aren't, fine. And if there are, fine.

I'd love to hear from experienced adoptive parents on this topic: your stories, your thoughts, your questions.

At the end of the day, we all want what is best for our children.

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GREAT blog post on black hair. It's a letter-of-sorts to people who think they can touch a brown kid's hair. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!

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Another great blog post from my friend Crystal whom I had the pleasure of meeting IRL last month. Forward the link on to family members and/or friends who try to make you feel "less than" because you are adopting.

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And for my d-friends, some adventures in diabetes with pictures to support my drama. :)

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Finally, this organization does some great things for kids. I hope you'll check it out and see if you qualify to host a child.

Couponing and Saving $$$

2011-07-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

My mom had been a coupon clipper and user for as long as I can remember. After getting married, I also began clipping and using coupons, but I hardly took it seriously.

As our family grew from two, to three, and now to four, couponing has become a sport for me. My two year old points out the Kohl's that's only one mile from our house and says, "Kohl's. Coupon." Yep. It starts young, folks.

So here are my money saving and couponing tips and tricks. I am by no means an expert, nor will you see me on Extreme Couponing on TLC (a very amusing show, I must say!).

This is by far the best couponing website I've found. The writer offers step-by-steps on how to coupon, a coupon database, and frequent deal updates. This is a great place to get started!

Make a list of your family's favorite product brands. Using a Word document, type up a generic message asking that a company provide you with coupons. Be sure to state how much you love their products! Go to the "contact us" section of each company's website and paste your paragraph. (Don't forget to include your name and address). From that same list, sign up for e-mails and online newsletters from the companies. (I got a great response from my coupon requests!)

Tell your family members and friends that you want to coupon more often, and ask them to save coupon circulars for you.

Decide how much time you can commit to couponing. My couponing takes about one hour a week which includes clipping coupons, organizing coupons, searching online sale flyers, and planning shopping lists.

If you find an item your family loves on major sale or clearance, stock up! I recently purchased eight 64oz bottles of organic grape juice because it was in clearance for $2.08 a container. I didn't have any coupons for the organic variety, but at that price, who cares?

Saving money in general:

Organize, organize, organize. I have tubs in my basement (purchased in clearance after Christmas, of course!) for girls' clothing up to size 5 (the oldest is only in a 2/3 now). If I find items on major sale or get hand-me-downs, I sort them into the appropriate bin and store. I also have a bin for Christmas cards and wrap (which I got in major clearance after Christmas last year), children's gifts (items I got at a specialty toy store sale---75% off!), and more.

Clean green. I clean with vinegar and baking soda. That's it. I use vinegar for EVERYTHING from the cleaner for my mop, carpet cleaner, bathroom cleaner, mirror cleaner, etc.

Make your own laundry detergent. Here's my old recipe.

I use fabric napkins instead of paper, and I use rags instead of paper towels. Yes, paper products aren't very expensive, but over time they cost a family quite a bit! My next goal is to purchase reuseable baggies off Etsy and stop buying plastic baggies.

Rent movies for free from your local library.

Teach your kids to shut off lights when they leave the room, not to leave water running while brushing their teeth, etc. My 2.5 year old remembers most of the time to do these things.

Organize a swapping party with friends.

Organize birthday parties that do not cost a lot. Or have parties just for fun!

Plan cheap activities for kids.

Get rid of things you no longer use or wear, donate them (get a receipt to take a tax deduction!), and enjoy a cleaner home! You can also have a yard sale and pocket the money! Here are some tips on the whole process.

Rotate your kids' toys instead of buying them new things.

Plan your meals.

Cool Story

2011-07-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

Adopting an adult? I guess it is possible! Check this out.

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My latest post on Adoptive Families is up.

Article on My Family

2011-07-13T13:15:00.001-07:00

A local author featured our family. I hope you'll check it out and tell me what you think about open adoption.

Tangled...Literally

2011-07-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

Over the 4th of July weekend, we watched many movies as a family. The steaming temperatures combined with plenty of storms made for a long weekend, so we made the most of the time.

I decided to rent Tangled for the family. I enjoyed Rapunzel's ability to sometimes be the hero (unlike most cartoon princesses), the humor (her chameleon was hilarious!), and the music. And thankfully, the movie didn't feature demonic characters---good for a 2.5 year old.

However, one aspect of the movie greatly impacted me. If you haven't seen it, Rapunzel is captured by a woman (and thus, taken from her biological mom and dad, the King and Queen) and locked in a tower. This woman is known as "Mother" to Rapunzel. The woman protects Rapunzel, but mostly out of selfish gain, to keep the powers of Rapunzel's magic hair to herself. Meanwhile, the audience sees Rapunzel's biological parents mourning the loss of their daughter, especially each year on Rapunzel's birthday when the King, Queen, and everyone in their kingdom releases floating lanterns into the air.

Eventually, Rapunzel finds out who her true parents are, and she, obviously, is infuriated with her "Mother" who has been concealing the truth for eighteen years.

Call me crazy, but I saw an adoption theme in this movie.

First, I do not think all adoptive parents are evil, nor do they intend to hurt their child or the child's biological families. BUT, I think sometimes adoptive parents get too wrapped up in "protection" mode to where it isn't at all about the child's well-being, but about the emotional chains of the adoptive parents.

Recently, a friend of mine asked, "How did you choose open adoption?" She mentioned how hard it would be---facing one's own jealousy. I told her that we knew it was best for our girls to know their biological family members. Furthermore, we wanted our girls to have racial role models, something we obviously can't personally provide.

Truthfully, as adoptive parents, we so often have to just get over ourselves. Just like any parent, we need to do what is best for our family as a whole (kids included!) and not just what is best for us as the parents. It's about maturing and thinking beyond ourselves, which is truly, very hard to do in current culture.

I remember seeing a gas station sign a few years ago that said "Self-Serve 24 Hours." I thought, wow, isn't that true of life?

It's easy to go into self-service mode when an adoption agency gives an adoptive family so many options. With our first adoption, we had a five page checklist of what adoption situations we were open to. FIVE PAGES. They were five pages of pure torture. I mean, I knew we were ultimately talking about a child, not a checklist.

Race? Sex? Age? Disability or disease? Drug use in mom? Mental history of birth father's family? Openness? How open? How often? For how long?

(There are over 100 questions. I won't bore you by listing them all).

Adoption is so incredibly messy. Complicated. Tangled.

We have to sit down, reflect, acess, and analyze...often. Are we doing the right things for our entire family? How can we improve? When we make a choice, is it for the benefit of all or is it made to temporarily provide ourselves some emotional relief?

I often hear adoptive parents say, WE ARE THE "REAL" PARENTS!!! But the truth is that both my girls have two sets of "real" parents...they just play different roles in their lives. I'm not daring to lay claim on my daughters like they are a prize to be won.

Yes, they are mine. Yes, I am their parent. Yes, sometimes I get a little jealous or selfish or prideful. But I have to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and be the mother I was CHOSEN to be by some very special individuals.

It means taking as step back, getting untangled, and remembering that ultimately, my children belong to God, are on loan to me, and I'd better be sure I'm honoring everyone involved, not just making myself momentarily feel better.

T-Shirt Winner...

2011-07-08T10:09:00.001-07:00

LINDA! Congrats! Please see prize post for Jennifer's info. You can contact her to claim your prize.

Random Summer Fun: Routines, Recipes, and Photos

2011-07-07T05:09:00.000-07:00

Our back yard featuring the Blue Bladder (aka, our temporary salt water pool, the play ground set, and in the very very far back right corner, our veggie garden).

I attended an event in my town called Mom Prom! The proceeds went to a children's hospital. There was dancing, drinks, food, conversation, and vendors.

Miss E checking out the Weeping Willow.

Chocolate drizzled organic fruit with nut on top. So good!

Very simple berry cobbler. Oat pie crust for the top (recipe from Baking With Agave Nectar by Ania Catalano, p. 78): Combine 1.5 cups of oats, 1/2 cup of whole wheat pastry flour, a pinch of salt, 1/4 cup canola oil, 1/4 cup agave nectar, and 1/4 cup water. Let the dough sit for 10 minutes while you prepare the fruit filling. For the filling, combine fresh fruit of your choosing with some whole wheat pastry flour (to thicken) and agave nectar (to taste). Spray a glass pan (I used 9 x 13) with olive or canola oil, pour in the fruit filling, and then, with your fingers, spread the pie crust on top. Bake at 350 until the crust is slightly brown (about 20 minutes).

Simple pasta---served room temp. Cook pasta of your choosing. I use Dreamfield's because it's very low on the glycemic index. Once done, mix in goodies like cherry tomatoes, raw pine nuts, any type of cheese (I like goat!), sauteed spinach or arugula, olives, olive oil, salt and pepper.

Want to pamper yourself without an expensive trip to the nail salon or spa? Fill a container (big enough for your feet) halfway with equal parts of vinegar and warm water. If you can't stand the vinegar smell, add a few drops of essential oil (orange is my favorite). Soak your feet for fifteen minutes while you watch a favorite tv show or read a book. Vinegar will soften your feet. To complete the treatment, slather your feet with your favorite moisturizer (I'll use olive oil) and slip on some comfy socks.

Bird One of three hatched last week. This next is hiding on the top deck of my daughter's playground. It's fun to visit the birds every day to see how much they've changed.

Baby E has discovered sidewalk chalk.

Mid-summer is tough here in the Midwest, just like mid-winter. The weather is so extreme, creating two very restless babies and one maxed out mama. Play dates with friends (2-3 a week), trips to the library, and our new purchase, a 3 ft deep, 18 ft in diameter, saltwater "Blue Bladder" in our back yard help keep us all sane. Additionally, Miss E asks for chocolate first thing every morning. I usually give in by 10 a.m. We read a Bible story from The Jesus Storybook Bible every day. These little routines help.

I have a lovely routine down. The girls nap at the same time each afternoon. This gives me time to nap (if I've had a bad blood sugar day), do a few chores, make any necessary phone calls, write for Diabetes Health or Adoptive Families, and plan my fall courses.

In mid-August, I'll return to work, teaching writing to college freshman and sophomores part-time. Miss E starts preschool (!!!). I'm looking forward to the holidays (yes, already), the girls' combined birthday party (two November babies---one fab party!),

GIVEAWAY: Custom Child's T-Shirt

2011-07-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't like something free and adorable? :)

My friend Jennifer is giving one lucky blog reader a custom t-shirt. Jennifer has made customized dresses for my girls. :)

1: Tell my readers about yourself and your family.

I am a stay at home mom to two smart, funny, loving kids - Ben, who is 5 and Charlotte, who is 3. My husband and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We stay busy with the constant remodeling of our fixer-upper house and our favorite hobby - eating!

2: What is the name of your Etsy shop?

I have two shops - CharlotteAugust and BenBoyClothing, though often you'll find them empty. I sew mainly custom clothes and set up reserved listings for each customer. You can see all my creations on my facebook page - BenBoyCharlotteGirl

3: What makes your shop unique? What do you make/sell?

I make and sell custom children's clothing. If you can't find what you are looking for in a store, I can make it! My shops are different from many others because almost every item I make is unique. I occasionally sell the same item to multiple people, but most creations are one-of-a-kind.

4: Why did you start selling on Etsy?

I started creating shirts for my son when I realized there were no customs for boys that fit my style. When my daughter came along, I found I loved sewing for her as well. Etsy allows me to share my styles with others and gives me a creative outlet.

5: What are you giving away to a lucky blog reader?

I am giving away a custom word shirt for a boy or girl - you choose the word!

GIVEAWAY ITEM: Custom one-word child's t-shirt.

WAYS TO ENTER: 1: Becoming a blog follower and leave a comment telling me you did so. 2: Post about the giveaway on Facebook and tell me you did so via a comment. 3: Post about the giveaway on your blog and leave me a comment telling me you did so. 4: Visit Jennifer's shop on Facebook and tell me what your favorite item is.

WHEN, WHERE, and HOW: Enter up to four times on this blog post from now until noon on July 8. A winner will be posted on June 8. The winner is responsible for contacting Jennifer to claim her prize.

Reader Thoughts Wanted: Is Race Really A Big Deal?

2011-06-30T14:13:00.000-07:00

Recently, I called my daughter's preschool. I spoke with the director about our family situation. I explained that our daughters were both adopted and were both African American. I told her that diversity is important to our family, and thus, we found her preschool to be the best option for our oldest daughter. I then requested that when she divided kids into classes for the year, that she put my daughter with other children of her same race.

I then posted on Facebook, "Called my daugher's preschool to request that she be in a class with other kids of color. Being a transracial family is interesting!"

I got several comments. One of which was that I shouldn't have done what I did. That my daughter is only two and will thrive no matter the racial makeup of her class. Another friend posted that a good educator would divide kids up racially without a request.

Hmmmmm....

I also heard from a friend, via e-mail, who, by the way, is in a transracial (biological) family. She said that by talking about race and emphasizing it, we keep racism alive. (Then I thought how my two-year-old knows she is "brown" and her parents are "pink"---and we talk about this often. Am I screwing her up?)

All interesting points.

So, I want to know from you:

Is talking about race and ensuring that our kids grow up in a racially diverse situation (be it school, neighborhood, church, etc.) keeping racism alive? Or, is doing this being realistic about the world we live in and providing our kids with opportunities?

Is race a "big deal" anymore?

I find that generally younger people (like my students, about age 18, 19, 20) don't make a big deal out of race. Twice while on vacation, we bumped into a group of college girls. They doted on both my girls (which they, of course, loved) but didn't make a single comment or ask a question about adoption, their hair, race. Younger generations, is seems, are either less experienced in racism (meaning, they didn't grow up during the Civil Rights Era), aren't bothered by transracial families (more used to it? after all, adoption is popular both in mainstream culture and among celebrities), or simply don't care to comment. I realize these are all assumptions on my part, could be geographically-linked, and are over-generalizations...but I'm just sharing my thoughts here.

I don't think colorblindness (or the idea of it) is cool. I celebrate my diverse, multi-racial family. Not only are my girls black, but they are adopted. They are unique on two levels. But is it really a big deal?

What I'm coming to realize is there is no single answer. To some adoptees, being adopted is a big deal. To some, transracial adoption is a big deal. Some grew up around lots of white people, and they weren't negatively impacted by that. Others (like in some books I've read) state that their white parents really screwed up by not exposing them to people of their same race on a frequent and intimate level.

Wow---this post is all over the place.

Just like many adoptive parents, I'm searching for answers. Shrug. Where I'll find these right answers, well, I don't know.

Reader Thoughts Wanted: "Adopted" in Christ vs. "Adopted"

2011-06-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

I am a Christian, and I often hear fellow Christians talk about adoption in terms of being adopted by Christ. (See Ephesians 1:5). Then often I hear this Bible verse equated with Christians adopting children. If Christ adopted us, shouldn't we, as Christians, adopt? We're ALL adopted! (See this t-shirt as an example). Hip, hip, horray?

Hmmmm.....

I often wonder if this loose link, seemingly, between the two (Christ adopting us and us adopting children) is offensive to adoptees? Does it minimize adoptee loss? After all, being adopted by Christ is a gain. But being adopted as a child by adoptive parents/parent, is that not both a gain and a loss?

And does the attempt to equate Christ adopting us and Christians adopting children offend God? They aren't really the same thing, are they?

What do you think?

Random Goodness

2011-06-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

You've likely heard this song, but did you know the music video features children who have been adopted? Kudos to Third Day. :)

In addition to blogging here and freelance writing, I'm now going to be blogging for Adoptive Families magazine! My new blow will be called "Raising a Rainbow." If you check this link, you'll see new blog posts from myself and other writers.

My newest response to many adoption questions, particularly nosy ones, is to hand the stranger either my social worker's business card and/or my blog's business card and say, "Sounds like you are interested in adoption. You can learn more here." :) It's not rude, but it shuts down a conversation that is either inappropriate, uncomfortable, or inconvenient.

Do black kids get sunburns? Do black adults get skin cancer? Yes and yes. Check out these tips.

Finally, I love when little kids notice color (and yes, I mean color, not race). A child recently said to me, "Hey. Are you her mommy?" while pointing to Miss E. I said, "Yes." She then said, "She's brown!" I smiled and said yes. That was the whole conversation. So innocent, so sweet, so honest.

Adoptive Families Magazine

2011-06-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

I'm now blogging for them. :) Check out my first entry here. I'd love to know what you think!

Reader Thoughts Wanted: Calm or Crazy?

2011-06-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

I recently had similar conversations with two friends, both adoptive mothers. Drumroll.....

Are we to live the life we want, which for me and for many people, is a calm, happy, predictable life with two point five kids, a house full of goodies (food, electronics, etc.), beach vacations, and two fabulous cars in the driveway? Or, are we to live life to the max, even if that means adopting many children, some of whom will likely have special needs, having less money for the fun stuff (like a nicer wardrobe, eating dinner out a few times a week, fancy cars, a lovely home, etc.)?

I don't believe God wants us to live an easy life. I don't mean to imply that he wishes for us to be unhappy. God is the ultimate example of love and peace. However, all Biblical characters faced many trials in their lives including facing some pretty fierce deaths. Yet, they seemed to have inward peace and joy. Mary "pondered" many things in her heart, yet she gave birth to a child who would face an excruciating death, a child who would spend His life as an outcast. He would be misunderstood, abused, gossiped about, and ultimately, murdered.

I am embarassed to admit that sometimes I get really caught up in the little things in life. I get pretty pissy when things don't go as I planned. Even little things. I act so childish at times---impatient, easily angered, moody. (I try to always blame it on my blood sugar swings, but I know it's not always true). So, with my two children, my lovely home, our lack of debt, our rather comfy life full of organic groceries and beach vacations, there is one thing that REALLY doesn't fit into my pretty, perfect life plans: a lot of kids.I know I talk about this a lot, but my heart ACHES for the kids in foster care. The kids who want the bare minimum (it seems to me in my middle-class life): a family to love them and provide them with the basics---food, shelter, an education, health care.

Check. Check. Check. Check.

We can provide a child all that and more. We have SO much. We are, even though we don't always feel like it, incredibly wealthy in many areas of life.

I can't imagine my girls without the basics in life. Can you picture your children floating from place to place---sometimes places where there is atrocious abuse, neglect, lack of running water, no electricity? Where going to school isn't enforced? Where dirty clothes are acceptable? Where food might be spoiled or non-existant? Where a bout of RSV isn't treated?

I shudder at the thought.

The other day I saw a YOU TUBE video that said 100,000+ kids are free for adoption in the United States. This is a must see video.

I feel strongly that Christians need to do so much more than push anti-abortion/pro-life messages and start doing something to help the kids in the system. There are many options. Become a birthday buddy for a child in foster care, become a child's advocate or mentor, donate unused household items and clothing to an organization that helps kids in foster care, or....

become a foster parent or adoptive foster parent.

GULP.

God doesn't do things in a little way. God does big things, significant things, life-altering things.

And shouldn't we follow that example?

So, readers: What's your thoughts on the idea of "calm or crazy" and/or "go big or go home"?

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After typing this post, I found this article which is very well-written. It talks about the Christian's duty to take care of orphans in foster care. GULP.

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T17:35:00.001-07:00

I'm thankful for my girls' biological fathers who created beautiful baby girls.

I'm thankful for my own father who raised me to be passionate and committed. He came straight home after work to give his family his time and energy. I always knew I was beautiful, smart, and awesome, because my dad was there to tell me so!

I'm thankful for my father-in-law who loves me as if I were his own daughter.

And, I'm abundantly blessed to have my husband (of almost 8 years!) who is everything I admire and love---dedicated, patient, thoughtful, loving, and strong. He's a wonderful father to two baby girls.

In honor of Father's Day, I encourage you to watch this hilarious rap video on what it means to be a modern dad.

Happy Dad Day!