Thursday, July 9, 2015

Instead of Asking How Fast You Can Get a Baby: Let's Talk About Ethics

This is a heart-matter post.  Get ready.   See that sweet baby boy in the photo?  He's one of my three, and he was adopted through ethical practices.  Because ethics matter.  Because the choices parents-by-adoption make have a forever print on the lives of their children.   Here we go, Sugars:

In the adoption community, questions like these come up often:

Which states are the most adoption-friendly?  (Aka: which states have the shortest TPR of birth parents' rights)

How often should I contact the parents I'm matched with, getting assurance that they aren't going to change their minds about placing their baby with us? 

Which agencies, facilitators, and lawyers offer the shortest wait times?  

How much money should I expect to spend to get a baby quickly?

How can I best advertise ourselves as a couple waiting to adopt?

Hold up.   What you should be asking:

Ask how you can support mothers in crisis pregnancies.

Ask what books and blogs and articles promote ethical adoption practices...and read them.

Ask how adoption has impacted triad members:  adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive parents.

Ask how your agency supports moms who choose to parent.

Ask your attorney how he/she respects the rights of the biological father.

Ask how you can give the expectant mom you are matched with both support and space.

Ask how you can support your adoptee when he/she has questions, concerns, and hard feelings about adoption.  

Ask your partner what situations you will say no to because they aren't ethical.  


  1. There is alot of information of forced adoption. Children are forcibly taken from loving perants by child protection services. Child protective services will claim that the perants are not fit to perant or will say that the child is been neglected or abused, when their only goal is to take these children into state custody in order to recieve government funding and they forcibly take these kids from their grieving families to fulfill the demands of adoption agencies. In the majority of the cases it is innocent families who are loosing their children to this racket, the families have no say in the matter, the child has no say in the matter.
    Who would want to take part of such curruption. I would rather live my whole life, childless then bring up a child who was forcefully stollen from their family


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