Thursday, December 7, 2017

Elf on the Shelf: No, Just No

Hey there, Sugar!  

Let me start by telling you that I LOVE Christmas!  If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook, you know I'm all about the merry-and-bright, the first Noel, the cookies, the gifts, the green and red. We watch HOME ALONE on repeat and spend a lot of time quoting Buddy the Elf (obsessively).  Opening the mailbox to receive Christmas cards:  YAS!  I love it ALL.   

Well, except one thing.

I'm gonna be bah-humbug about ONE thing.  And it's the creepy little doll that many "adopt" called Elf on the Shelf.  

I shared with you on Facebook why I don't like it: and an overwhelming majority of you agreed.  In case you missed it, here's a quick recap:

-It's creepy looking.  Beady eyes.  Sneaky smirk.  I just don't trust it.  

-Jesus and Santa:  they are ENOUGH.  We don't need to add to Christmas.  

-It's too much work for a non-living thing.  All of my energy is already gone by 5 p.m. each evening. 

-It costs too much money.  I mean, wasting chocolate chips to leave an elf "poop" trail?!?  That money is better spent on chocolate for MOMMY.   

-It encourages parental guilt.  I see multiple daily posts from panicked moms confessing they royally screwed up by forgetting to move the Elf.

-It makes moms (more) tired.  Staying up late enough to move the Elf, making sure the kids are fast asleep, from Dec 1 to Dec 24?  NO FREAKING THANK YOU.   

-The Elf is never just on the damn shelf.  He's always up to something (which you have to create as a mom) which is supposed to be funny....when we all know moms need FEWER shenanigans, not more.  (If it would just sit on a shelf and smile creepily from there, maybe I'd give it a whirl...)

Here are the things I'd rather be doing than dealing with the Elf:

1:  Online shopping.   I mean, what's better than shopping in your pjs with coffee or wine in-hand?

2:  Getting a pap smear.  Seriously.  (Humor borrowed from my latest book.)  

3:  Watching This Is Us or Teen Mom.  I'd even take watching Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas AGAIN over that creepy doll.  

4:  Helping my kids with their math homework.   The math I do not understand even though I have a master's degree.   

5:  Fill out a homestudy packet.  

6:  Sorting laundry, washing dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, changing dirty diapers.  Any chore, basically.  

7:  Call my insurance company.  (Which I've done A LOT OF this year.)  

8:  Clip my kids' toenails.

9:  Talking to my husband about my self-employment taxes. (#depressing)

10:  Oblige one of my kids when they say, "Mom, smell this!  Does it stink?"  

Tell me I'm not the only hater out there, moms.  What would you rather be doing than moving an Elf around your house at 11 p.m. every night?  

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