Thursday, February 25, 2010

What More?

What more could I possibly want than the beauty that I have right before me?

I have: a loving husband, a precious daughter, a cozy home, eternal security, good health, a steady job, and so much more.

I've been feeling a glimmer of the anxiousness that I had when we started our first adoption process. It's creeping up on me slowly and quietly. It invades my thoughts right before I drift off to sleep. I think about baby names and what it would be like to haul two little ones around verses just one. (It would be exhausting. But my adoption friends will tell you that something about adopting is addictive).

I have to force myself to savor moments sometimes.

I have no idea what our family will look like in a year, two years, three years. I am trusting God's leading.

One lingering question is openness. Will we only be open to a black child, so that our precious daughter isn't the only black person in our family? Should we be open to a child of any race and trust that God will bring the right child into our family? What is the "right" choice? What if our second child is white. That means we surely must "even" the racial numbers, right? Shrug.

These things don't keep me up at night, but they linger.
I look forward to some down time this summer. I'll continue to freelance, and I'm going to hopefully be volunteering in the diabetes program at my local hospital. And the rest of the time? Working out, baking, and of course, loving my family. Enjoying. Slowing down a bit. Relishing in the present.
Being still.

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