Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Six Adoption Voices We Need to Listen to and Learn From--ASAP

There are some amazing adoption community members who are working hard to share their truths--openly--and also working to educate adoptive parents. And we are SO thankful for them. But perhaps, you have yet to discover them? I'm here to help! Here are amazing adoption voices that we need to listen to and learn from ASAP!



1: Michelle Madrid-Branch
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Michelle Madrid-Branch is an international, transracial adoptee who is also a mom-by-transracial-adoption. She's penned several books, including our latest fave, Coco and Olive -- a transracial adoption book for children. Michelle is the host of The Greater Than Podcast and shares adoption stories on her Quilt of Life. She's been a guest here, answering your burning adoption questions. Michelle's wisdom and warmth are my two favorite things about her!

2 and 3: Dave and Brett of Yes I'm Adopted, Don't Make It Weird



Anyone who is part of the White Sugar, Brown Sugar Facebook community knows that I'm all about these guys. They are funny, they are honest, and they are all about educating adoptive parents so that we can do a great job raising our children! They offer us weekly videos on important adoption topics--and their videos are kid-appropriate. My kids and I watch them together. Plus, their platform name--Yes, I'm Adopted. Don't Make It Weird--is the best! 

4: Mallory Fogas







🎉🎉 On the blog today, we talk about why it's important to educate those close to you on modern adoption and how to do it! "We talk about education all the time here, but one thing we haven’t touched on much is educating your extended family and close friends. Adoption is a big life changing moment that happens in your family. That includes extended family, and I will dare say, even more so than someone having a biological baby. Why? Because adoption has a stigma attached to it. We all have perceived notions of what adoption means or what the experience is like, and that does not exclude family members. They may have an antiqued view of adoption, of expectant parents, how to talk about adoption, simply because they grew up with adoption being handled different. We are all trying to undo this!" • • 👉🏻Follow the link in our bio to read the full post! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #AdoptionProcess #AdoptionIsHard #AdoptionTriad #InfantAdoption #AdoptionAgency #WaitingFamily #EthicalAdoption #HopefulAdoptiveParents #BlessedByAdoption #RaiseGoodHumans #adoptiveParents #AdoptionConsultant #MightyMamasByAdoption #AdoptionStory #DomesticAdoption #HopingToAdopt #AdoptiveMom #adoptioneducation #adoptionprofile #adoptionprofiles #bettertogether #Adoption #AdoptionIsLove #ModernMotherhood #LoveMakesAFamily #ItTakesAVillage #strongertogether
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Mallory and I connected about a year ago--and I absolutely adore her! She's a "partial adoptee" (you can read more about her story on her site). She runs an adoption profile business called Arrow and Root--and what's unique about her business is that she's pro-ethics. If you follow her on Instagram, you'll learn a lot!  I've had the honor of sharing about transracial adoption when it comes to your adoption profile and questions to ask yourself before choosing transracial adoption with Mallory's readers. Recently, Mallory shared with me, "The adoption community right now is powerful. There are so many changes happening for all sides of the triad. Voices are being heard and people are truly trying to understand and give space to those who haven't had their voices shared for so long." 

5: Jill Murphy



Jill Murphy is one of those women whom you can't help but like the minute you meet her. Jill is a birth mama AND a mom by international, transracial adoption. She wrote a fantastic book called Finding Motherhood where she teaches us about her journey. She exudes love, honesty, and humor--and is one of my favorite Internet friends.

6: Barry Farmer


 When searching "adoption" online, Barry Farmer's name just keeps coming up. He grew up in kinship-care (foster care), and he went on to adopt three white boys from foster care--before he turned 30. We recently discussed transracial adoption, and Barry shared, "You {parent} are going to need to be hungry for knowledge to care for a child of a different culture than your own. You need to provide daily racial mirrors for your children and not have them isolated. Diversity is key."




Who is your favorite adoptee(s) to follow and learn from? Let's touch base! Talk to me on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, or Twitter! And please, don't miss another blog post! Sign up here, and not only will I alert you weekly of the latest post, but I'll send you the first six chapters of The Hopeful Mom's Guide to Adoption -- ASAP!  


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Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Raising Cultures Mama Keia Jones-Baldwin on Foster Care, Adoption, and Being a Multiracial Family

I had the honor of meeting Keia Jones-Baldwin after seeing her viral Facebook post when she and her family announced to the world that they'd finalized their foster son's adoption. What about Keia's family captured the internet's attention? Keia and her husband are Black, and they're raising a Black daughter, a biracial son and daughter, and now Princeton, who is white. 

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, I wanted to get to know Keia more and share her incredible journey with you. Because as we know, there's a desperate need for foster parents in the United States.

Rachel: Like me, you have a big, multiracial family. Break it down for me: who is who?

Keia: I'm Keia Jones-Baldwin (36), and a therapist. Then there's Richardro (36), a police officer. There's Zariyah (16), Karleigh (16), Ayden (8), and Princeton (2). We live in NC.

 Rachel: You're a multiracial family, with some of your adoptions being transracial. What's the reaction been to your multiracial family, especially to your white son? 


Keia: We have received so many mixed reactions. Our intention is to always try to educate others on multicultural families so that it will be normalized. We are sometimes met with rude comments and remarks such as, "Why didn't you adopt a black child?" Or "Why would you not allow him to live a better life with white parents." It is this kind of thinking that holds the world back from seeing the beauty in our differences. Differences should be celebrated and appreciated!



Rachel: You adopted from foster care. Please clear this up for everyone: if you are fostering a child, the goal is reunification, right? But if that isn't possible, then what? Did you plan to adopt, if possible, or were you shocked when your boys became available for adoption?

Keia: My husband and I were foster parents first. We had no intentions on adopting initially because we didn't know if we would have the capacity to love a child the way we loved Zariyah.  When a child comes into care, they tell you that reunification is the first plan. After they see that the paln is going in the way of adoption, they give you the option to adopt first. We had both Ayden and Princeton for 2 years before they became eligible for adoption. By that time, those were my children. I loved them, cared for them, and couldn't imagine them not being a part of my life. There was not a second thought in our minds to adopt our sons after 2 years of so many ups and downs. They deserved stability and a forever family. As parents, how could we look at our children and tell them that the only mommy and daddy they knew was no longer going to be in their lives. I would never! 

Rachel: What are some of the challenges foster parents face? Were you prepared for these, or did you learn as you went? Any resources you recommend? 

Keia: I will always tell anyone that is considering becoming a foster parent, be prepared for a child to be reunified with their birth families. It will be hard because during the time you have them in your care, you will become attached, we're human! My husband and I have a saying, "We are gap standers." We stand in the gap for the parents that are trying to get back on track in hopes of being reunified with their children. It was trial and error, we learned as we went, with each foster child. They all have different needs! Support groups for foster parents have definitely been instrumental in helping us to maintain that balance as well as the support of our families, and our foster care supervisors.

Rachel: What's the best thing someone says to your family about adoption/foster care/race? What's the worst? 



Keia: On our family blog Raising Cultures, we have met some wonderful people, other multicultural families that have given us so much hope and encouragement surrounding our decision to adopt transracially. Our motto is, "Love is Colorful." We don't all have to look alike to love alike! The worst thing someone told me was I should of left my son in the "pound" with the rest of the "white dogs" ...out of all the things I've heard and been faced with, that was probably the most disturbing and gut punching. As a Therapist, I try to keep in mind that people who think like that are bitter and living with hatred in their hearts, and that's the sad part.

Rachel: You have social media pages entitled Raising Cultures. Tell me about why you chose that name and what it means to your family.  And, what's next for your crew? 

Keia: Ah! Raising Cultures! It was literally God sent. I woke up one morning out of a dream with the words "Raising Cultures" in my spirit. I meditated on it and God provided me with the vision of the blog. I've had the blog since July 2018, that's what most people don't know! People think I just started the blog a few weeks ago in light of our adoption, but no! I started the blog to share the love my family has for one another in hopes that it will inspire others to make adoption an option! Now! Raising Cultures is this "thing"! I'm so tickled and a little bit shocked at how the page has taken on a life of itself! It's full of resources, education, and love for foster, adoption, and all families! We preach inclusion and respect! That's my cyber family! 



 As for what's next! We we're just on the Kelly Clarkson Show to discuss our adoption love story! It was so exciting! It is important for multicultural families to be represented! We have to move the conversation forward about transracial and interracial adoptions, especially black families adopting children of other races so that it's not frowned upon or looked at as a "bad decision." We are now just trying to take it all in so we can start preparing for the Jones-Baldwin Turkey Day shenanigans! 


Stay up-to-date on the latest adoption info by subscribing to my newsletter, and don't forget to say hi on Instagram, Pinterest, our active Facebook community, and Twitter.

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Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Dear New Foster Mom, a Love Letter from Natalie Brenner

My friend Natalie is a new foster parent, as well as a mom to two sons, one of whom came to her by transracial adoption.  She blogs, she's takes pretty pictures, and she's a book author.  She's on Twitter, Insta, Pinterest, and Facebook if you'd like to connect with her.

 Today, we're talking about foster care and what you need to know!  
Dear New Foster Mama,
It’s so much, isn’t it?
Your new child via foster care has been with you for about three weeks.

The initial excitement is beginning to thin out, as both of your honeymoon phases dwindle to an end.

You’ve made and attended a ridiculous number of appointments in just three weeks: feelings doctor intake (that’s what we call our counselors around here to help make sense of it all), regular well child check up, abuse team appointment, lawyer meet and greet, permanency caseworker introduction,  dentist assessment, psychological evaluation, and likely other therapies such as occupational or speech.
Have you dug your heels in, grounding yourself secure in safe soil and soul support? You’re going to need it.
As your child senses safety and security, consistency and space to be his age, you can nearly count on his body reacting and pushing back. His brain has been hard wired through trauma, reconstructing pathways and changing the way his system might naturally work if raised in a healthy and stable, low-cortisol environment from conception.
As you settle into what is your new norm—her as your daughter, you as her current mom—grief will begin to settle in for the both of you. You’ll grieve life as it was, sure. But you’ll also grieve the immense and countless losses your child will carry forever. Even though your home offers stability, safety, and space for her to be a child, it does not offer the biological roots she was created to live with.

Speaking of you as mom, I’d like to give you the freedom to see yourself as that role: yes, in your house, you are mom. Your (foster) child may not call you “mom” and that’s okay, even healthy. No pressuring needed, we only want our kids to feel safe and comfortable. But when asked if you’re “mom,” I want to empower you to walk in that identity. You are absolutely mom and these children don’t need their story of being in care shared with all the passerbys.
New Foster Mama, I want to sit you down and tell you something: you can do this. You can walk with your son through the broken and tragic pieces of his heart. You can make space for his sadness, his anger, his denial, his sense of betrayal, his loss. And you can sit in it with him, telling him it’s okay to be sad. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It’s okay to not want to be in this home, but this is where you are for now, and you are safe. You can root on his family of origin.

I want to tell you something else: there will be days, maybe weeks turned months, that you want to call your child’s caseworker and say, “This is too much. I need this child gone by Friday.” But Mama, I implore you to sit down and think this through. Have you been caring for yourself so you can care for this child? Have you made self-care an important part of your week, so you can pour yourself into the pieces of this child hungering for what you have to offer?
New Foster Mama, here are some ways I’ve chosen to take care of myself so I can keep saying yes, even when I want to say no:

  • Tea with myself, my journal, my bible. You may not be a journaling or bible type, but the point is that I sit with myself and I process through writing. I don’t bring my computer, though I’m behind in work. I sit, I write, I process, alone and in the quiet.
  • Counseling, both individual and couples.
  • Date with husband at least twice a month (in addition to counseling!)
  • I ask for help when I need it and hire a babysitter, because you know what? Mama’s human too and Mama needs help.
  • I hire a house cleaner once a month, no shame.
New Foster Mama, I want to tell you of some invaluable resources I have discovered. I want every single foster mom to know these things; they revolutionize the way we see and parent our children from hard places.

Are you ready? Jot these down:
  • TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention). This is the number one best way you can spend your time learning about how to best parent and understand your child. No time spent on educating yourself about TBRI is wasted. Start with this video by Dr Karen Purvis
  • The Connected Child. This book falls in line with TBRI and connected parenting. It is not a waste of the little time you have, I promise
  • Connected Parenting FB Group. Though in person support groups living similar lives are ideal, these online groups are incredibly helpful.
  • Angela Tucker’s piece about answering our kid’s stories.
There are so many things to juggle when you’re a mama, and when you become a foster mama, the layers run deeper. It’s not a competition, it’s just a fact. You have to consider different cultural and ethnic identity, trauma and attachment, and these things in and of themselves are layered more than an onion.
You will grow tired and weary. It’s not a matter of if,  but when. You will be frustrated at the system that is set up to support and serve no one, especially your wounded child.

Statistics show that your child will likely move back home, reunify with his or her parents. This is hard for many reasons. Sometimes we wonder if it’s actually safe at home, if true change has occurred. Many times we know it’s safe and we celebrate the beauty of reunification, but grieve deeply the loss of a child we poured our whole self into. I want you to know that it’s okay to be sad, to grieve the transition, even while also celebrating reunification. Grief is healthy.
I believe the most broken parts of us only reveal the depths of our love.

Hey New Foster Mama,
You know what I cling to when the sadness of trauma sweeps over me? I cling to the honor and privilege it truly is to sit in the gap with these kids.

They are arguably the most vulnerable in society, and the humbling reality it is to sit with them in these trenches is gripping. While they are uncertain, scared, and likely struggling with anxiety...we get to be stable, secure, and give them permission to be those things.

So keep clinging to that. Keep clinging to the Truth that they are worth it, they are worth all the ounces of energy and they deserve all the love in the world.
I root you on, Mama. I do.
Sincerely and warmly and joyfully,

Natalie Brenner




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