Monday, March 17, 2014


These past few months have been difficult, adoption wise, for one of my kiddos.    She's asking HARD questions.  Demanding answers I don't want to give her.   Yet, I'm educated enough in adoption to know that it's time.  Hiding isn't ok. 

I want to protect her little heart.

I want her to be full of joy, confidence, possibility.

But adoption is, in the best way I can describe it, bittersweet.  

And in my adoptive mama heart, I fear that the brokenness that brought my children to me will turn their joy into pain, their confidence into doubt, their possibility into prisons. 

It was a winter day that was hinting at spring. 

She made statement that was more like a question.

I took a deep breath and mentally begged God to tell me how to respond.  Because I knew this moment was coming.  I had rehearsed what I would say, but it never sounded right.  It was never satisfying.  It was never transparent enough.  My rehearsed response was wordy, off-target, and jumbled.

I knew this was defining moment.  I knew I had to do this well.

I took her hands in mine, looked her in her large brown imploring eyes, and spoke calmly.  Honestly.  Simply.

Next, a five minute mom-and-child hug.  We were both silent, sitting on the edge my bathtub, her little legs wrapped around my waist.   Sunlight streaming in through the picture window.

I didn't rush her.  I didn't let go until she did.  I just sat.  Breathed.  Hoped.  

A few days later, I was putting my girls to bed.  As part of our routine, I turned on a CD I had created for them to help ease them to sleep.  After tucking the girls into their beds, I adjusted the volume of the CD player only to pause as I heard the familiar lyrics of Casting Crowns' "Love Them Like Jesus":  and God offered me a gentle reminder.

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

I have tried six times to write a conclusion to this blog post.  Nothing sounds right.  Nothing fits or flows.   So I'll simply say this:  I am just as broken as the next adoptive mom.   I'm just as strong as her, too.   And I will not ever have all the answers.    All I can do successfully is love.


  1. One day at a time mama. Love your babies one day at a time and one day you'll wake up and realize every things ok.

    Hugs and love to you and your littles

  2. This brought tears to my eyes. God is good. Just love her like Jesus...what beautiful advice.

  3. I totally understand! We are about to hit the transition from foster to adopt....PRT is set for next month....and it doesn't get easier,...really. I know: It is a lose-lose situation even though some sense of permanency will be nice in a way. Keep loving one day at a time! God Bless!!!

  4. Yes-- to all of this. Adoption can be a beautiful picture of redemption, but there is no redemption without brokenness. Brokenness that our beautiful, innocent babies have to hear and integrate as part of their reality, their story. Love isn't enough, but love plus honesty plus courage plus Jesus is a pretty good start. :)

  5. You're doing a fantastic job, hun! I'm proud of you!

  6. I know those questions will come, probably quicker than I realize. Whenever I'm tempted to worry about it I tell myself God will give me the answers when I need them. As parents we want to protect them and it is so hard knowing that we are going to have to tell them things that could break their little hearts.

  7. I am praying with you as I know questions are going to come to use from our boys as well some day. I also pray that God gives me the words to speak when that moment comes. As an adult adoptee my questions didn't come until later in life, and what a blessing it was to have the answers I was seeking. Adoption is truly a blessing, but certainly brings along challenges with it. Praying for you and yours!


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