6 Simple Ways To Connect With Your Tween Daughter

And just like that, I had a tween daughter.

And just like that, I had to up my connection game. 

Understand, a tween has a lot going on.  She is caught between the child years and the teen years.  She might be mature one minute and temperamental the next.  Puberty is in full-force.  Tween years are confusing and exciting.  And you may find yourself wondering how in the world you will navigate the ups and downs while staying connected to your child.  

(If you, like me, are parenting adoptees, you know why connection is super important!)

1:  Get creative.

We use this journal to connect with one another.  We also do something called "create art for the other."  We basically created a piece of artwork for the other person and then had a "big reveal."  You could do other things:  create a playlist for each other, for example.   If you're less likely to "invent" creativity, try coloring side-by-side.  I highly recommend this hair coloring book for Black girls or one of these affirming, encouraging coloring books (one is faith based, one is not).  If your daughter is more active, go on a nature hike together, play basketball, etc. 

2:  Take her on a date.

This need not be expensive or all that creative.  A date might mean browsing the bookstore or library together, grabbing tea or ice cream, or painting pottery.   Anything that doesn't involve a screen is great!   The point is to talk and have fun.  

3:  Play what she likes.

My tween is really big into a few specific toys right now.  Sometimes I'll plop on the floor of her room and say, show me your favorites right now!  I can instantly see the light in her eyes.   It gives her the opportunity to be an expert/leader on a subject and for me to be the listener/learner.   Another option is to have your tween teach you something.  For example, my daughter is in ballet and loves showing me moves!

4:  Read to her.  

Reading a book aloud is a great way to get into your tween's world.  What is reading?  What interests her?  What will happen next?   A chapter book is great, and I think bedtime, when all is cozy and more quiet, is a great time to read together.  Because my tween is doing some therapies right now involving her vision, we use the evening time for my hubby to read to her, this devotional and this Black girl chapter book, while my daughter wears her special glasses and listens.  

5:  When she wants to talk, you listen.

I know this sounds SO simple, but it's really challenging.  The reason it's important to stop and listen is because tweens are dealing with big (and swinging) moods and emotions.   So to say "just a minute" or "let's talk about that later" may mean missing the conversation completely.   If the conversation is too big/involved for the moment, it's OK to acknowledge the importance of what's being shared and agree to a time when you'll devote your full attention to brain-storming and problem-solving.  Just make sure you address it that day.   And please, please check out the glitter jar analogy.  It's a game-changer!  

6:  Surprises.

One thing that can bring a tween joy are surprises.  Take her lunch at school or put a note in her lunchbox.  Buy her something just-because.  Take her on a date (#2).  Leave something lovely on her bed to discover when she gets home from school.  Tape a note to the bathroom mirror.  Surprises, like dates, do not need to be expensive or big.  A simple surprise can convey how much you love your child and believe in her.  This new book, specifically for teen adoptees, is a creative diary of sorts.

Dear Sugar: Five Easy Ways to Celebrate National Poetry Month With Children

Hey, Sugar!

April is National Poetry Month!   I feel like every special month or holiday is a great opportunity to teach our children about Black history.  Too often, Black history is reserved for February (Black History Month).   Take advantage of the special months and holidays, opening the doors for your children to learn.

Here are five easy ways to celebrate National Poetry Month with your children:

1:  Buy poetry books featuring children of color to have on-hand year-round.

Here are our favorites!  Click on the photo, and you'll be taken to Amazon to read reviews, peak inside the books, and purchase.

2:  Create posters/art featuring African American poets or their poems.  

This is a great activity for a child of any age.  Older children can do online research on poets, while younger children can listen to you read a book and illustrate either the poet or one of the poems.   If the poet is living, see if you can e-mail or mail the child's art, along with a letter.  You never know! You may get a response.  And don't forget to use your multicultural markers!  

3:  Use words to create poems.

Either buy magnetic poetry sets, or simply go DIY by writing words on index cards, spreading them out on a big, flat surface, and start creating your own poems.  Easy!  Fun!  

4:  Write a haiku.

Writing a haiku seems simple, but it's really quite challenging! Tackle subjects that are silly or serious.   Have children generate their own topics, or throw topics into a container and let kids draw a topic to write about.    Haiku poetry is also great for artwork.   Have children illustrate their own haiku, or shuffle and distribute the poetry, allowing children to illustrate someone else's poem.   This is a great way to talk about interpretation!   You can even distribute the same haiku to all kids, allow them to illustrate, and then talk about the differences in their artwork.  

5:  Play the Rhyming Game.

My children love, love, love doing this.   I say a word, and they take turns coming up with as many words that rhyme with it as possible.   This is a great bedtime or car game for young-ish kiddos.  My kids even like playing the Rhyming Game during bathtime.    

How do you plan to celebrate National Poetry Month?

-This post contains Amazon Affiliate links.