Reader Thoughts Wanted: Is Race Really A Big Deal?

Recently, I called my daughter's preschool. I spoke with the director about our family situation. I explained that our daughters were both adopted and were both African American. I told her that diversity is important to our family, and thus, we found her preschool to be the best option for our oldest daughter. I then requested that when she divided kids into classes for the year, that she put my daughter with other children of her same race.

I then posted on Facebook, "Called my daugher's preschool to request that she be in a class with other kids of color. Being a transracial family is interesting!"

I got several comments. One of which was that I shouldn't have done what I did. That my daughter is only two and will thrive no matter the racial makeup of her class. Another friend posted that a good educator would divide kids up racially without a request.

Hmmmmm....

I also heard from a friend, via e-mail, who, by the way, is in a transracial (biological) family. She said that by talking about race and emphasizing it, we keep racism alive. (Then I thought how my two-year-old knows she is "brown" and her parents are "pink"---and we talk about this often. Am I screwing her up?)

All interesting points.

So, I want to know from you:

Is talking about race and ensuring that our kids grow up in a racially diverse situation (be it school, neighborhood, church, etc.) keeping racism alive? Or, is doing this being realistic about the world we live in and providing our kids with opportunities?

Is race a "big deal" anymore?

I find that generally younger people (like my students, about age 18, 19, 20) don't make a big deal out of race. Twice while on vacation, we bumped into a group of college girls. They doted on both my girls (which they, of course, loved) but didn't make a single comment or ask a question about adoption, their hair, race. Younger generations, is seems, are either less experienced in racism (meaning, they didn't grow up during the Civil Rights Era), aren't bothered by transracial families (more used to it? after all, adoption is popular both in mainstream culture and among celebrities), or simply don't care to comment. I realize these are all assumptions on my part, could be geographically-linked, and are over-generalizations...but I'm just sharing my thoughts here.

I don't think colorblindness (or the idea of it) is cool. I celebrate my diverse, multi-racial family. Not only are my girls black, but they are adopted. They are unique on two levels. But is it really a big deal?

What I'm coming to realize is there is no single answer. To some adoptees, being adopted is a big deal. To some, transracial adoption is a big deal. Some grew up around lots of white people, and they weren't negatively impacted by that. Others (like in some books I've read) state that their white parents really screwed up by not exposing them to people of their same race on a frequent and intimate level.

Wow---this post is all over the place.


Just like many adoptive parents, I'm searching for answers. Shrug. Where I'll find these right answers, well, I don't know.

Reader Thoughts Wanted: "Adopted" in Christ vs. "Adopted"

I am a Christian, and I often hear fellow Christians talk about adoption in terms of being adopted by Christ. (See Ephesians 1:5). Then often I hear this Bible verse equated with Christians adopting children. If Christ adopted us, shouldn't we, as Christians, adopt? We're ALL adopted! (See this t-shirt as an example). Hip, hip, horray?

Hmmmm.....

I often wonder if this loose link, seemingly, between the two (Christ adopting us and us adopting children) is offensive to adoptees? Does it minimize adoptee loss? After all, being adopted by Christ is a gain. But being adopted as a child by adoptive parents/parent, is that not both a gain and a loss?

And does the attempt to equate Christ adopting us and Christians adopting children offend God? They aren't really the same thing, are they?

What do you think?

Random Goodness

You've likely heard this song, but did you know the music video features children who have been adopted? Kudos to Third Day. :)

In addition to blogging here and freelance writing, I'm now going to be blogging for Adoptive Families magazine! My new blow will be called "Raising a Rainbow." If you check this link, you'll see new blog posts from myself and other writers.

My newest response to many adoption questions, particularly nosy ones, is to hand the stranger either my social worker's business card and/or my blog's business card and say, "Sounds like you are interested in adoption. You can learn more here." :) It's not rude, but it shuts down a conversation that is either inappropriate, uncomfortable, or inconvenient.

Do black kids get sunburns? Do black adults get skin cancer? Yes and yes. Check out these tips.

Finally, I love when little kids notice color (and yes, I mean color, not race). A child recently said to me, "Hey. Are you her mommy?" while pointing to Miss E. I said, "Yes." She then said, "She's brown!" I smiled and said yes. That was the whole conversation. So innocent, so sweet, so honest.

Adoptive Families Magazine

I'm now blogging for them. :) Check out my first entry here. I'd love to know what you think!

Reader Thoughts Wanted: Calm or Crazy?

I recently had similar conversations with two friends, both adoptive mothers. Drumroll.....

Are we to live the life we want, which for me and for many people, is a calm, happy, predictable life with two point five kids, a house full of goodies (food, electronics, etc.), beach vacations, and two fabulous cars in the driveway? Or, are we to live life to the max, even if that means adopting many children, some of whom will likely have special needs, having less money for the fun stuff (like a nicer wardrobe, eating dinner out a few times a week, fancy cars, a lovely home, etc.)?

I don't believe God wants us to live an easy life. I don't mean to imply that he wishes for us to be unhappy. God is the ultimate example of love and peace. However, all Biblical characters faced many trials in their lives including facing some pretty fierce deaths. Yet, they seemed to have inward peace and joy. Mary "pondered" many things in her heart, yet she gave birth to a child who would face an excruciating death, a child who would spend His life as an outcast. He would be misunderstood, abused, gossiped about, and ultimately, murdered.

I am embarassed to admit that sometimes I get really caught up in the little things in life. I get pretty pissy when things don't go as I planned. Even little things. I act so childish at times---impatient, easily angered, moody. (I try to always blame it on my blood sugar swings, but I know it's not always true). So, with my two children, my lovely home, our lack of debt, our rather comfy life full of organic groceries and beach vacations, there is one thing that REALLY doesn't fit into my pretty, perfect life plans: a lot of kids.I know I talk about this a lot, but my heart ACHES for the kids in foster care. The kids who want the bare minimum (it seems to me in my middle-class life): a family to love them and provide them with the basics---food, shelter, an education, health care.

Check. Check. Check. Check.

We can provide a child all that and more. We have SO much. We are, even though we don't always feel like it, incredibly wealthy in many areas of life.

I can't imagine my girls without the basics in life. Can you picture your children floating from place to place---sometimes places where there is atrocious abuse, neglect, lack of running water, no electricity? Where going to school isn't enforced? Where dirty clothes are acceptable? Where food might be spoiled or non-existant? Where a bout of RSV isn't treated?

I shudder at the thought.

The other day I saw a YOU TUBE video that said 100,000+ kids are free for adoption in the United States. This is a must see video.

I feel strongly that Christians need to do so much more than push anti-abortion/pro-life messages and start doing something to help the kids in the system. There are many options. Become a birthday buddy for a child in foster care, become a child's advocate or mentor, donate unused household items and clothing to an organization that helps kids in foster care, or....

become a foster parent or adoptive foster parent.

GULP.

God doesn't do things in a little way. God does big things, significant things, life-altering things.

And shouldn't we follow that example?

So, readers: What's your thoughts on the idea of "calm or crazy" and/or "go big or go home"?

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After typing this post, I found this article which is very well-written. It talks about the Christian's duty to take care of orphans in foster care. GULP.

Happy Father's Day!

I'm thankful for my girls' biological fathers who created beautiful baby girls.

I'm thankful for my own father who raised me to be passionate and committed. He came straight home after work to give his family his time and energy. I always knew I was beautiful, smart, and awesome, because my dad was there to tell me so!

I'm thankful for my father-in-law who loves me as if I were his own daughter.

And, I'm abundantly blessed to have my husband (of almost 8 years!) who is everything I admire and love---dedicated, patient, thoughtful, loving, and strong. He's a wonderful father to two baby girls.

In honor of Father's Day, I encourage you to watch this hilarious rap video on what it means to be a modern dad.

Happy Dad Day!

Vaca Photos~Outer Banks of NC (May '11)

Wild horses on the beach. Beautiful!

Baby E sitting up and enjoying some sun and sand.

Wild horses on the dunes of Corolla beach. Miss E kept saying, "I ride the horses." But getting within 50 feet of them can cost one a major fine and the offender is kicked off the beach! Yikes! So, I guess all we get are these pretty photos and the memories. :)

My girls watching the waves. This picture overwhelms me with joy.

Miss E enjoying the feel of the sand and surf. We bought her a swim cap to protect her hair from sand adventures.

This photo is in our living room.

My girls and me watching a sunset over the sound.

Sunrise photo from our beach house. My husband gets credit for this. I get up at sunrise for NO reason. :)

We enjoyed some alone time on the deck while our girls napped in the beach house.

I took this photo while my husband drove our SUV on the beaches of Corolla. Stunning!

Steve and Miss E enjoying the water.

WOW. I couldn't believe I saw the word "Colored" to refer to Black people! Gulp! Apparently, this group is raising money to renovate this old school---for what purpose, I'm not sure.
Here's the school.
Miss E watching the planes. She LOVES transportation vehicles---trains, planes, buses, and, of course, ice cream trucks!
I took this photo of me in Steve's sunglasses. He had to pose many times, as the sunglasses photo became my photography session for the week.

Our family LOVES the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Great restaurants, friendly folks, lots of great sights (wild horeses, lighthouses, The Lost Colony, beaches, shopping, and more). There's also the Wright Memorial and The Dunes (where you can climb these massive dunes and watch the sunset and the kites). This is our fourth or fifth time (???) to the Outer Banks.

Some tips:

• Go before Memorial Day. The rates are way cheaper and, bonus, it's significantly less hot. The temperature was about 75 every day and partly sunny. And, not many kids are out of school yet, so many families have yet to take the vacation (meaning it's less crowded everywhere).




• Stay ON the beach if you have little kids, not a few blocks away. It's a pain to haul all the kids stuff as it is. Plus, bathroom trips and snack runs are easier when you are on the beach.




• See the sights. There are so many cool places to visit. I'd have to say that seeing the wild beach horses was, by far, the best part of our trip. But, you need to rent a 4 wheel drive vehicle and be smart about beach driving. You can also go on a guided tour with your family.