Last year I got to celebrate my very first Mother's Day. My husband took a photo of my daughter and me before church. We were both dolled up in cute summery wear and smiling with the sides of faces pressed up against the other's. I received a few gifts and cards. The day was full of quiet contentment.
My day of joy is a day of pain for many women, specifically, women who have lost their children through adoption. (While many of us are practically bathing in flowers, jewelry, Hallmark cards, and homemade breakfasts, other women are grieving). Yes, for many, it was their choice to place their children into adoptive homes, but the fact that they chose to lose their babies doesn't change the fact that the pain is still there and always will be. Each birth mother carried her son or daughter for weeks upon weeks, and many, if carrying to full term, carried their babies in them for ten entire months.
I want people to know that the misconceptions surrounding birth mothers are harmful not only to the women who placed their babies, but to adoptive families as well, and most of all, I think, to the children who were adopted. When people make snide and judgemental remarks about birth parents, they are speaking of a child's biological parent. And that's got to sting.
I urge each person to do a few things as we celebrate Mother's Day.
First, think twice before you make a comment or utter a thoughtless question about a child's biological parent. Don't ask if a child's biological parent was on drugs, is a "deadbeat," was too young, was too poor, is unloving, etc. Just. Don't. Ask. Because when you speak a negative word against a child's biological parent, you are, above all, hurting the child. Don't assume anything.
Second, honor mothers all around you, whether they are parenting their biological children or not. Don't forget the women who have placed babies for adoption. They ARE mothers. They deserve some respect and remembrance and appreciation and thought. Send a card. Make a phone call. Do something. Don't ignore them.
Finally, thank God for the children you have, whether they are yours biologically or not, and whether you are their parents or not. Thank God for the children in your life who make celebrating Mother's Day possible.