Showing posts with label black girl magic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label black girl magic. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Affirmations for Black Children

Here we are, at the beginning of a fresh school year! If you're like me, you feel a sense of renewal and energy. I want to encourage you to take advantage of this change by committing to affirming your Black child this school year.




I've said it many times. The world works really hard to tear down children of color. So we, as parents, must work even harder to build our kids up.




Now, affirmations are certainly not the ONLY way to do this, nor should they be. I've written several posts on things parents must do for their transracial adoptees. Some suggestions including finding a mentor for your child.

Affirming our kids is critical. They "hear," every day, that they aren't good enough. They are told they are less-than by peers and adults via stereotypes and prejudice. They are told by the media that they should be sidekicks (the token Black friend//the diversity) or villains, not protagonists. They are told by advertisers and children's toy companies that they should have limited options and access to representation. 

The thing is, affirming your kids is such a beautiful, wonderful tradition that can make their day. So, why not? Here are the details:


How do you affirm a child? 


1: Commit to affirm your child once a day

I prefer mornings, affirming my kids as they head out the door to school. This provides a moment of connection and encourages them to have a great day. An alternative is to affirm your child when you say good-night.

2: Create an affirmation.

For my family, it's easy to have one affirmation per child. But I have four kids. For those with fewer kids, you might have several affirmation options that you rotate. Whatever works!  

When creating an affirmation, keep in mind your child's age, development, ability, interests, personality, and preferences. There aren't any hard-and-fast rules about how long an affirmation needs to be---just make sure it does the job: affirming the child.


How do you create the affirmation? 


1: Write one together.

This is the option I opted for my kids. I wanted to make sure their affirmations were personalized, and since I'm a writer...

But for those who aren't down with creating one, there's another option.

2: Recite from a favorite song, poem, speech, or book.

Use one of your child's favorite racially affirming books, songs, or poems and pull lines from it to recite. If your child is too young to memorize, you can always do the parent-say-and-child-repeat method I share in my son's affirmation below.

How do you choose a source? Think of Michelle Obama's speech quote: "When they go low, we go high." Check out lyrics from songs, like I share in my toddler's affirmation below. Children's picture books are another great place to look. For example, my son loves the book Hey, Black Child.  You can also check out inspiration from the girl's poetry book my older daughters and I authored








A post shared by Rachel Garlinghouse (@whitesugarbrownsugar) on

How to Carry Out an Affirmation


1: Face to face and eye contact! If the child is comfortable, a gentle touch such as hand-in-hand or hand-on-shoulder. Don't be afraid to experiment with volume level (some kids might prefer a whisper, while some might want to shout!) and intonation.

2: Affirm.

You can do this in a number of ways.

Parent state, child repeat. 

This is what I do for my son's affirmation. Adding hand motions or body movements can be fun for younger or active kids.




Parent state to child.

When you're parenting a young child, a child with speech issues, a child who is shy/introverted, or a child who is non-verbal, this is a great option.

Child state aloud in front of a parent.

Some kids will enjoy stating the affirmation themselves with an "audience" (that's you!). Be sure to cheer, high-five, or hug when the child is done.

Tape to the bathroom mirror. 

If you aren't available in the morning to send your child off to school or childcare, write out the affirmation and tape to the bathroom mirror.

Put a note in the child's folder or lunchbox.

Write the affirmation on an index card or post-it and place in your child's supplies for the day. It's fun to sometimes hide the note so they'll be surprised.

A text.

Tweens and teens might enjoy getting a text from their parents during the day or when you're apart. Though I certainly advocate for in-person affirming when possible.


What are my kids' current affirmations?


My six-year-old son's, used with parent stating and child repeating with hand and body motions:

-I'm strong. (He repeats and does "big muscles.") 
-I'm smart. (He repeats and points to his brain.) I'm silly. (He repeats and wiggles his entire body).  
-I'm a good big brother.  (He repeats and reaches up high.) ----I'm a good little brother. (He repeats and places his hand down low.) 
-I'm brown. (He repeats and strokes one arm with the opposite hand.)  
-And I'm awesome. (He repeats.)


My tween's:

Me to her: Go do...

Her: my Black girl magic.

My eight-year-old's

We do the Wakanda forever arm gesture to each other.

My toddler's:

I sing some lyrics from Brown Skinned Girl to her, or we sing the "I Love My Hair" song from Sesame Street.


Here's the deal:


It only takes a few seconds to make a big difference in your child's life. Affirm away, parents!

Let's chat about affirming our kids! Join me on Facebook and drop your experiences, tips, questions. Also, if you drop your e-mail addy here, you'll never miss a new blog post! Plus, I send you three free e-gifts as a thank you. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Celebrating National Poetry Month with Morgan Harper Nichols

I'm a *bit* excited about National Poetry Month.  After all, I authored a book with my daughters that's written in poems (along with some gorgeous illustrations from Sharee Miller).



And when I first read Morgan's poetry, I fell head-over-heels.   (And by the way, so did my baby, as you probably saw on IG.  She keeps sneaking off with Morgan's book!  I don't know if it's the golden cover or what, but my baby is obsessed!)

Encouraging.  Mind-opening.  Heart-talking.   

Every word she writes inspires me.  Seriously, friends.  I'm underlining every single word of every single poem she writes.  

Which is why I knew I had to interview her.  Because those of us in the adoption community are often vulnerable, scared, and broken.  We are waiting.  We are mourning.  We are hoping.  

And we NEED what Morgan can offer us.  Our hearts beg for hope.   And Morgan?  She does.  not.  hold.  back.  from giving.   

Rachel:  Morgan, tell me about yourself!  

I’m a writer, artist, and musician from Atlanta, Georgia, and I am now living in Los Angeles, California. As a child, I began writing poems, stories and teaching myself to play instruments, as a result of just being curious about them. I was on the quieter side as a child, never, ever dreamed of sharing anything I made being shared with others. As an introvert, I love to write and create because I simply enjoyed the act of sitting alone in my room, just making things. However, to make a long story short, the music I made was eventually heard through the walls by parents. When I was a teenager, they encouraged me to share what I was making in our local community just outside of Atlanta. I was a homeschooled preacher’s kid, and this was before young artists were using social media like they are today, so I never really had a community of other young people who were making music to share this experience with. So instead, I became accustomed to sharing the songs I was writing with people at the age of 14.


I often played in small coffee shops, smoothie shops, parks, restaurants, churches, and even flea market parking lots. I learned how to “read the room” and “know the audience” really quickly! Even though performing for others did not come easily or naturally to me, I’m so grateful I was encouraged to do it. It nurtured within me the importance of connecting with others through art in this in-the-moment way that has greatly impact the work I make today.

If I stayed in the comfort zone of my room writing songs, stories, and poetry, I do not think I would have been able to learn all that I have learned about writing and creating since then.

Years later, I still perform, but I have also began to focus more on writing, namely poetry and prose, and how to connect with others in this in-the-moment way that I learned in my early days of performing with just a voice and a guitar.

Rachel:  Your new book Storyteller: 100 Poem Letters was inspired by your song “Storyteller.”  What is the significance of the word storyteller- both as a book and song title?  Why did you write the book? 

I am so grateful for my childhood, namely because of my mother and father. They nurtured and encouraged me and my younger sister’s gifts, and I truly believe that is a huge part of who I am and why I am able to share and encourage others today. I thank God for them daily!

Outside of the home however, was a different story. Everywhere we went, my sister and I were total outsiders. My parents led a small church, so the budget was right and we didn’t have a lot of the same designer clothes or gadgets that are peers had. Our clothes and toys came from the thrift store, we didn’t have a lot of technology like TV cable or video games, and we were mostly interested in creating and reading books. We loved it, but other kids? Not so much. I am not exaggerating when I say that we were always the kids getting picked on.

Additionally, my sister was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome at a young age which led to relentless bullying from elementary through high school. I was the older sister who wanted to protect her from that, and as a result of being treated as outsiders, we found our way inside, spending most of our teen years learning to play instruments and write songs, and for me, writing poetry at home.

During my teen years, I knew I wanted to write as a career in some way, and even though my parents encouraged me, I was reminded by my peers of just how much I did not fit in.

I struggled to meet peers who had a story similar to mine, and I began to believe the lie that my story didn’t matter. So instead, I would write about other people’s stories because I didn’t believe that anything that had happened in my own story was anything someone outside my home would care about. This was the start of a decade-long creative journey of always writing with other people in mind, while secretly feeling that my story meant nothing.

In 2014, I started something on Facebook called “Storyteller Sunday.” It was a Sunday evening Facebook event where people could come and share their stories. I had a very small social media following at the time but the project quickly spiraled into something bigger than me. I was beginning to see names of people in the comments that I didn’t know, and I was deeply moved and encouraged by these stories.

After a few months of doing this every Sunday, I was walking into the kitchen one morning to make some coffee and out of nowhere, a song came to my mind—melody, lyrics, and all—called “Storyteller.”

The song was nearly entirely complete. That had never happened to me before and I truly believe it was a download from God Himself. I rushed upstairs, wrote it down, and a few months later, the song was being recorded and in 2015, it released to radio.

Now everyone in the world may not know this song and it may not have been a chart topper, but it changed my life forever. The stories that people began to share with me and how that song connected with them and had changed their lives was so incredibly humbling and eye opening.

One of the things that really stood out to me in this experience was that, “Storyteller” was the first song, and the only song to this day that came to be without someone’s story in mind. I began to realize...maybe, just maybe, this song was about my story too.

Of the many things the release of “Storyteller” taught me, it completely shook up the belief about myself that I didn’t have a story to tell. When this happened, it forced me to see that even though I thought my story wasn’t interesting, I could not have written that song without the mountains and the valleys that I had climbed in my life.

I began to gain the courage to finally allow myself to believe that my story mattered. And not because my story was more interesting or valuable than anyone else’s, but it was mine, and even through the trials, it was a blessing. A blessing worth telling. And as I began to hear the stories of others, I began to see that in sharing our stories, meaningful connections were being made between people who may have never believed they shared anything in common prior to that moment. Together, sharing our stories, we were all being reminded that we are not alone.

I titled the book Storyteller in hopes to encourage others with that message. My hope for these poems is that at least one person will see that no matter the mountains and valleys they have climbed, they have a story to tell. It does not matter your age, where you are from, the color of your skin, how many times you've been overlooked or undervalued, and it does not matter what you have or have not done, there is a way that you live, and a way that you tell your story that no one can else in this world can tell it. Telling your story also gives other people hope in telling their own. So tell the story of the mountains you’ve climbed. Your words come become a page in someone else’s survival guide. 

This is what I believe and why I wrote this book. Each poem was written with one person’s story in mind, and above the poems, I share who they were written for. I did this in hopes to encourage readers to see that even though our stories may all be different, we can still connect and have empathy for one another, which can cause a ripple effect for everyone to begin sharing and connecting around stories. 


Rachel:  So many women are struggling.  Struggling with addictions and losses and mental illness.  Struggling in marriages and in parenting.  Struggling at work and at home.  Real,difficult challenges.  In the case of my readers, infertility and adoption are major struggles.   How does Storyteller encourage women on their darkest days?  

Most of the poems that I write, including the ones in this book, are typically written in real time, via a social media message I am sending to someone. I typically start writing as a short, encouraging note, and once I get to the of that note, I typically have an idea for a poem.

Sometimes someone has messaged me the story of what they are currently struggling with, and sometimes I do not know their story at all.  But in both scenarios, I often say a variation the following, “ I am not really one to give a lot of advice, but I do love stories. And I love to think about how stories end. And even though I do not know how your story ends, I just want to encourage you with these words to continue to take deep breaths and to have great hope, for even here there is still more to your story.”

I think everything I write is some variation of this. Because the truth is, the painful valleys of infertility or losing a child is something I have not lived or experienced, but I do know that it is just too heavy a burden. And even though I have not experienced that, I can still say, “I see you. I hear you. There is grace for this.”

Sometimes when I receive a message from a woman who is struggling with something I cannot even comprehend, I literally get up from my desk and go take a walk. I know in that moment I cannot feel her pain, but sometimes, you just need to hold that space for someone. 

It’s like holding a door for someone. You may not be walking through the door with them, but you can hold the door. I like to think of the poem as the door because this is something you can do for a stranger. Even if you do not know someone in real life, their struggles are still real and in that moment, you can still think of them and pray for them in a very real way. I just hope the poems I write can be a reflection of that, because those struggles are very painful and very real.

Rachel:  You wear many hats, including now being a book author!   What has the writing and publishing experience meant to you and to your readers?   

Oh wow, it has been an experience! I am a self-published author who just knew that I had to get this book out there. It took about two years to actually put it all together, and I still dream of someday being able to work with a traditional publisher if that were to ever happen, but if not, I have thoroughly enjoyed this experience. I was also overwhelmed with the positive feedback and was pleasantly surprised when the book became a #1 Amazon Bestseller in my category (Inspirational Poetry) the day it debuted!

I try to respond to every post and every message on social media where someone has mentioned the book. It never gets old to me that there are people around the world holding my book in their hands. My mind often travels back to the imagery of sitting in my childhood bedroom at my little desk, carving out words in composition books before bedtime. I never would have dreamed where the words I wrote would go.


Rachel:  What’s next for you?   Will you write another book?  More music?   How will you keep uplifting women? 

Yes to all of the above! I have been collaborating with my sister Jamie Grace to turn many of the poems in this book into songs. I have also been mapping out a trip around the U.S. to do a few writing workshops, poetry readings, and acoustic shows. I’m so excited about it! I spend a good amount of time each day responding to messages and emails I receive so I am looking forward to bringing this online community that is being built into real life. I love social media, but there’s nothing like being able to connect with others and share stories face to face. Even as an introvert (and Myers Brigg INTJ and Enneagram 5) I’m looking forward to it! I can’t wait to see what lies up head.

Follow Morgan on Instagram (it's the best!), and listen to my podcast with her sister Jamie-Grace here (where I talk about adoption, breast cancer, type 1 diabetes, and my This Is Us infatuation).



Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Dear Sugar: 5 Questions for LaTasha Booth, the Frugal Fit Girl

Dear Sugar:  

Today I'm introducing you to LaTasha (Tasha) Booth.  She's basically Wonder Woman's sister!   I'm completely amazed by her passion and accomplishments, and I love her commitment to empowering fellow women. 

Rachel:  Tell me about yourself.  

Tasha: I'm originally from New Jersey but now live in Tucson, AZ with my husband, Scott who is in the Air Force. Scott has 2 daughters who live in Chicago with their mom but they come visit us a few times a year.

I do A LOT of things! By day, I'm the Health and Well Being Director for 2 YMCAs. I manage the fitness facilities, instructors, class schedules etc. And by early morning, evening and weekends, I'm a Virtual Assistant and Pinterest Strategist.  I help Bloggers, Authors, and Online business owners with all of the little but important things on their "to do" lists.  Then, by "it's Sunday night and a need to write a blog post for Monday", I'm the blogger behind "The Frugal Fit Girl".

I hold multiple certifications in Personal Training, Group Fitness and nutrition but, my degree from Messiah College is in theater. I worked professionally in musical theater for over 10 years before I decided that it was time to do something else.  

I don't have much spare time but, when I do, I love going to Sunday Brunch with Scott. And watching reruns of CSI Miami while cuddled on the couch with our dog, Stanly.  Fitness is super important to both me and Scott so we try to make time for the gym and compete in several Spartan races each year.  

Rachel:  What is the goal of your blog?  What do you think your life's purpose is? 

Tasha:  I started The Frugal Fit Girl because I wanted to show women that it's possible to work towards saving for the future and getting out of debt while still living a healthy, balanced, fabulous life.  I've been a couponer for years and for so long people would say "oh, it's impossible to save money while eating healthy" well, I'm here to prove them wrong!  I want to empower women to gain financial freedom so that they can do the things they want to do instead of just doing the things they HAVE to do because of pay check. 

My life's purpose is definitely to make a difference in the lives of people.  I love making people see how beautiful the world around them can be.

Rachel:  What is your single most important tip for someone who wants to be more frugal?  And you say "frugal" instead of "cheap."  What's the difference?

Tasha:  My single biggest tip is to start with a budget.  People are often afraid of the word "budget" but all it means is "a plan for your money". And if you don't have a plan, I guarantee you'll get to the end of the month and have no idea where most of it goes!  So many times there are "money leaks" in our lives that we aren't even aware of. For example, a couple months ago, I was doing my budget and I realized that I had 3 or 4 monthly subscription services that I was paying for but not using.  I cancelled them and immediately freed up almost $200 per month!  

I use the word "frugal" instead of "cheap" because I don't advocate for NEVER spending money. I just advocate for spending money where it matters to you.  Scott and I love to go out to eat on the weekends and love 
getting my nails done (it just makes me feel more put together and professional) . If we were being "cheap" we'd probably cut those things out of our budget because they're definitely wants not needs. But we've decided that they're important to us so we make it happen by making it a line item in our budget.

Rachel:  You also are committed to fitness.  For someone who really wants to "get fit," but feels overwhelmed by all the advice, diets, resources, etc., what would you tell her?

Tasha:  Like most things in life, we over complicate fitness.  For most people out there, it's just a matter of "eat less and move more". Now, when I say "eat less", I'm NOT talking low calories, that just slows down your metabolism which is exactly the opposite of what we want! I mean, eat less of the wrong foods. If you can't pronounce the ingredients, it's probably made in a lab, not grown on a farm.  More real foods, less fake foods.  For exercise, find something that you love to do and do it consistently.  That can be dancing, running, walking...whatever! Just move! :)

Rachel:  You seem to focus on empowering women to become stronger, healthier, and happier.   What's your secret to living a happy life?  

Tasha:  My secret is that I believe in creating the life I want to live.  A few years ago I went through a huge life change.  I got a divorce, moved across the country, changed careers. I left everything behind except what fit in my car. It was crazy and scary and lonely. But now, on the other side of it. I see so much peace and love and the opportunity to live the life that I knew was possible.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to have the hard conversations. And don't be afraid to create a life you love!


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Dear Sugar: 10 Reasons to see Hidden Figures With Your Daughter + Resources for Further Learning

Dear Sugar,

Last weekend, my eight-year-old daughter and I put on all our favorite star-gear and headed to see Hidden Figures with friends.

This movie is EVERYTHING.   We laughed, we teared up, we reflected, we smiled.

The absolute best part?   It opened doors to conversations.

Here are ten reasons why you must take your own daughter to see this movie---NOW: 

1:  Civil Rights
We own so many civil rights books, but this brought this era to life.  You could watch the emotions of the characters, hear about news stories of that time (specifically lunch counter sit-ins), and watch the characters experience racism (and sexism).  
 
2:  American history
I knew a little about space history and exploration from watching a show that was on last year called The Astronaut Wives Club.  But that was it.   This film presented space/American history in a way that made me want to learn more about a subject I’m normally not interested in.  The film integrated footage from real news stories from many years ago. 

3:  Feminism
Women were disposable, yet they did all the “dirty work.”   Clearly evident in the reports that our main character, Katherine, typed up.  She would type who authored the report:  her superior (white male) and herself; and multiple times, the superior ripped off the cover page with the names on it, not to be included when turned submitted.  

4:  Black Girl Magic
I tell my girls they are magical because they are Black girls.  It's IN them.   And this film demonstrated this truth---beautifully and historically.   

5:  Black Girl Joy
There were such incredible moments of victory for the protagnoists of this film, and there was total Black Girl Joy.   A shriek.  A dance.   There's a moment when the three women are struggling with discrimination, and they decide to cut loose, have drinks, and dance together.  The dancing-together scene is SO beautiful.   

6: Science and Math
STEM and STEAM are all the rage right now, and this movie shows that science and math are not only smart, but they can be cool.   And girls and women who are gifted in these areas should not shy away from learning more and using their knowledge.   

7:  Friendship 
The Black women in this film have each other's backs.   I believe during one part of the film, Octavia Spencer says something about a rising of one woman is a rising for all.   Women and girls are often portrayed as catty, bitchy, and competitive (in superficial ways)---but this movie negates that stereotype.   

8:  Current events.
The opening scene features the three main characters (all Black women) on the side of the road trying to fix their broken-down car.   They’re approached by a white police officer…and, yeah.   It’s interesting how the things people of color face today aren’t always that different from struggles and challenges of fifty years ago.  

9:  Dream.
The women in the movie dreamed of BIG and HARD things for themselves, some that were unheard of and seemingly impossible.  But the goal always starts with a dream.  

10:  Do. 
The women don’t stop at dreaming.  One goes to court to petition the judge to attend a segregated school to take night classes to be an engineer.   Another teaches herself about technology so she is able to climb the corporate ladder.   Another saves the day:  literally.   

I recommend the following for your kiddos if you'd like to farther their interest in HIDDEN FIGURES (and all the beauty it showcases):


First, create a space-themed rice sensory bin.  Instructions on creating a general bin can be found here.   Dye your rice black (using grape Kool-aid and black food coloring), and then add in the following accessories:




Add a star cookie cutter and a glass star bowl from your local dollar store, and voila!    This was my oldest child's birthday gift last year, and she absolutely loves playing in it.   She enjoys hiding and finding the planets, naming the planets, setting up little scenes with the astronauts, sorting the stars by size, etc.











Also, check out these fabulous books:




And these toys/accessories:




And for your little explorer:





HAPPY EXPLORING!!!

-this post contains Amazon Affiliate links