Transracial, Open Adoption: A New Fiction Book

I was so happy to pick up a copy of Being Lara at my local library.  I recently interviewed the book's author, Ms. Lola Jaye,  to get more insight on her work:

Rachel:  Summarize Being Lara for my readers.

Lola Jaye:   Lara had always known she was ‘different.’ At eight she finally learned the word ‘adopted.’ Twenty-two years later, a stranger arrives as she blows out the candles on her thirtieth birthday cake—a woman in a blue-and-black head tie who also claims the title ‘Lara’s mother.’ A woman the same shade as she and not like the adoptive parents she’d grown up with.

Lara, always in control, now finds her life slipping free of the stranglehold she's had on it. Unexpected, dangerously unfamiliar emotions are turning Lara's life upside down, pulling her between Nigeria and London, forcing her to confront the truth about her past. But if she's brave enough to embrace the lives of her two mothers, she may discover once and for all what it truly means to be Lara.

Rachel:  What inspired you to write a book that focuses on transracial adoption?

LJ:  In the last few years interracial adoption has been highlighted in the media (I believe such adoptions are more common in America than here in the UK). And I thought it was very important to not write about the ‘popular’ view – that all African children adopted from their homelands are from villages steeped in poverty. It seems to be a general view, that the child is from a poor family and the adoptive parents are people of immense material wealth and fame. So it was important that Pat, Lara’s adoptive mother, be a fading pop singer living in a little house in Essex and was more interested in watching the TV than appearing on one. Also, I myself have experienced the interracial experience growing up, so felt I could add some valid input to the story, however small.

Rachel:  What do you hope readers take away from the book? What do you hope readers will learn from Lara's journey?

LJ:  It is my hope that readers will feel the love these two women (Yomi and Pat) have for a child they both share. I hope that readers are also willing to appreciate the journey Lara takes to
‘Being Lara.’ That for all her hang-ups and insecurities, it is the choices of these two women as well as her own that have shaped her into the individual she is. That we as people are ALL a work in progress during our life’s journey.

Rachel: 
The most significant part of the book for me was on page 150 when Lara (as a young girl)　tells her adoptive mother that earlier that day, a stranger called her a nigger.　 Lara's mom shares that she was teased as a child for her　"ginger hair."　 The mom goes on to say that Lara and "anyone of any color is beautiful.　 And if anyone ever tells you any different---you just let me know."　　　　Lara, who tends to be wise beyond her years at times,　doesn't "feel right" despite the heart-to-heart with her mother　and "in fact, she may have felt a little　worse."　Lara, who tends to be wise beyond her years, points out to her mother, "You dye your hair."    Tell me why, as an author, you chose to include this in your book:

LJ:   I remember including that scene after the first draft. I felt there needed to be a moment such as this that could be so subtle, so delicate but with the impact of an elephant! I wanted to depict the differences between these two character's way of thinking on such a HUGE issue. Two people, who love each other, are equal in the home, but who, as soon as each leaves the confines of that loving home, WILL be defined differently because of the colour of their skins.   It needed to be subtle yet powerful enough to get the point across.

Rachel:  Lara, upon turning thirty,　reunites with her birth mother and meets, for the first time, her birth grandmother.  You share the ups and downs of this relationship---the awkwardness, the surprises, and the beauty.   My daughters have open adoptions with their birth families, something that many people do not understand.  Why include a reunification in your book?

LJ:  　
mean she’d be rid of all her hang ups – but it would certainly go some way to a few ‘wrongs being put right’ especially as there seemed to be an abundance of secrets and lies floating about from the past (I won’t say what these are, so as not to spoil it for those who haven’t finished the book). But yes, birth mother and daughter needed to be reunited within the context of this story. Lara needed to know certain aspects of the past, if she was ever going to find out what it truly meant to ‘be Lara’ -some of which only her birth mother could tell her.

Rachel:  What is next for you?  Any other adoption-themed books in the works?

LJ:   Whatever I come up with next will have a strong relationship/familial theme.  I enjoy writing about what shapes individuals, be it nature, nurture, or both.



　
　

Thanks, Pinterest!: Whipping Coconut Oil

I love coconut oil!  But like this blog author shares, it can be tricky to work with.    Traditionally used for cooking, coconut oil is my favorite way to moisturize my skin (and my daughters' skin, too) without fragrance (I have so many allergies!).    This recipe is on my "to do" list to try---whipped coconut oil!  Plus, you have the option to add your favorite essential oils.   Love!   If you try it, let me know how it goes!

Do You Really Mean Welcome, Or Is Your Front Doormat Just For Show?

I have met many incredible people throughout our adoption journey thus far.   One such person, or should I say personS, was the family who served as interim care parents to our oldest daughter.
In the county we adopted from, children go from the care of the birth mother to interim care parents, who meet the child's needs until the adoptive family has legal custody of the child and can take him or her home.    We were fortunate enough to have a lovely couple, Mr. M and Mrs. K, take care of our oldest daughter. 

Going to meet Miss E for the first time....well, I can remember it "like it was yesterday."  ;)   We followed our social worker from our hotel, across interstates and highways, and finally into a grand subdivision.    With hearts pounding, we followed her into a driveway.  We stepped our of cars to the sound of a water feature, a waterfall spilling into a fish pond.  Next to the small pond was a garden stone that said Heaven's Baby Lodge.   

We stood on the front porch of a large ranch-style home and waited.   Moments later, a figure approached the door.    As the door opened, I held my breath.    The woman was holding a swaddled, crying infant.   

Our baby.

We stepped inside.    Mrs. K said to me, "She's hungry and poopy, Mommy."     These words changed my life and rocked my world.   The word I'd been waiting to take upon as my own, to claim as my title, was being directed at me, clearly, without hesitation.   

Mommy.

Who is mommy?

That's me!  I'm Mommy!

And this precious, tiny girl, the girl with the shiny black hair and the sugary-brown skin, this is my baby.  

I am Mommy.


We have stayed at Mrs. K and Mr. M's house a dozen times since then.  They opened their home to us when we had visits with Miss E's birth family, when we met with waiting families at our adoption agency to talk to them about transracial and open adoption, and when we went back for a second time to adopt another baby, Baby E.      We swam in their pool, we helped them decorate for Christmas, we spent many nights catching up, and many days sharing meals.   They have given us advice, made us laugh, and helped us see hospitality in a new way.

Mrs. K and Mr. M have cared for nearly two hundred (yep, that's 200!) children since they became foster parents.    They have nurtured newborns and toddlers, minority kids, kids with special needs ranging from mild to extensive, twins.     They took children into their home that scared other people, but as nurses and Christians, Mrs. K and Mr. M were armed with the perfect balance of medical knowledge and faith.     

Mrs. K was my oldest daughter's second mama.   It's hard to believe that my daughter has already had THREE mothers in her lifetime, and she's only 3.5 years old.    We tell Miss E her adoption story.  We talk about how she went from her birth mother at the hospital, to Mama K (pseudonym) as we call her, to me.   I once asked Miss E, "Who is your birth mother?" and she claimed it was Mama K (her second mama).  :)  

Once when staying with Mrs. K and Mr. M, we asked about their home.  Mrs. K shared that when she and Mr. M moved back to the area, they built the house and essentially asked God to use them and their beautiful home to bless other people---be it the children they fostered, their own children and grandchildren, their friends, and traveling adoptive parents.  

Where would we be without them?    What if they hadn't have been hospitable?

Fast forward to now.   My husband and I, at the end of April, purchased our second home.   This home is much larger than our previous home.  It's spacious,  it's warm, it's welcoming.   The home has every single thing we wanted on our wish list.   (We were so excited that we applied to be on HGTV's House Hunters, but then decided not to continue with agreeing to be filmed because of the time commitment).

Since we've moved in, we've had a few parties, numerous play dates, and we've had a few overnight guests, with more to come this summer.     Our home has been a gathering place.   A place to eat a meal, to play, to share conversation.   

It's everything I hoped it would be.  

Granted, this isn't totally easy for me.  Though I love to entertain guests, I'm a total control freak.   I get unnerved pretty easily.  I'm impatient.  And worst of all, I love having time to myself.   I don't like a guest to linger too long.  I need peace, quiet.  I need to refocus on my sanity, adjust, breathe, think, create.    

But I'm learning to let go, to relax a bit, and to worry about the messes later.  I'm learning to care for others, to help them feel at ease and relaxed, and to relish in the moments I am privileged to be a part of.

Despite my idiosyncrasies, which are numerous, God is doing in our home what Mrs. K and Mr. Mike's home has done for so many.    It's exciting.   It's energizing.  It's rewarding.   

A few weeks ago, I bought a new WELCOME mat for the front door.    I placed it outside the door, on the front porch, with pride and excitement.

A new season in our lives has begun.  I don't know what will come, or should I say, who will come through our front door.  

But I'm very excited to see where this journey takes us next. 

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Take some time to reflect on those who have opened their home to you.  What did that mean to you?  What part did that play in your life?    How can you use your home to bless others?

Let your welcome mat be a true reflection of hospitality.     

 

 

5x7 Print Winner...

Michellesaid...

hmmmm... I am having a hard time picking my favorite one... I would have to pick between Brown eyed girl, Daddy's Arms, Hair time, Little Friends, and Thoughtful in Quiet Shadows if I won!

Please contact the Etsy shop owner, via Etsy, to claim your prize!

Giveaway: From MossyRockDesigns

Let the shopping fun continue!  Meet my Katie Bradley, owner of MossyRockDesigns on Etsy.   She's offering one White Sugar, Brown Sugar reader a 5x7 print from her collection of fabulous prints.

What I love about Katie's work is that each print she makes is so different.  Some feature boys, other feature girls, some are clearly adoption-focused---diversity!

 

First, let's meet Katie:

My name is Katie Bradley, and I'm the artist behind MossyRockDesigns. In the real world I'm a wife, and a stay-at-home Momma to 2 wonderful boys. We are currently in the process of adopting a daughter from Ethiopia.

Becoming an artist was kind of an accident: I have always loved drawing and painting, so when my son was born, I painted 3 watercolors for his nursery (Jungle Baby, Forest Baby, and Bear baby). My friends started asking me for prints to give to their friends for baby shower gifts. Then someone suggested I sell prints on Etsy, so I created my shop.

In early 2011 we began the (very long) process of adopting a little girl from Ethiopia. I realized that there isn't a lot of children's art for multicultural children, and especially for adoptive families. I think it is SO important for a child to grow up seeing art that represents him or her, and so I began to paint the pieces you see in my Etsy shop.

Most of my prints and paintings in my Etsy shop are of multicultural (African or African American, or Asian) children. Some of them are adoption-themed, others celebrate hope, love, family, friendship, childish innocence, and African hair.

Each of my paintings has a story. For example, I painted Hair Time after my friend taught me how to detangle and braid her daughter's beautiful curly hair.

Here's a little secret: Later this Fall (right on time for Christmas shopping!) I will be launching a new product in my Etsy shop: domino pendant jewelry with tiny prints of my art encased in resin.

To learn more about what I'm up to, visit my website. 

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Giveaway:  One 5x7 print from MossyRockDesigns.
Dates:   Now until noon, Central Time, on 7/20
How To Enter:

1:  Visit Katie's Etsy page, and leave a comment telling me which print from MossyRockDesigns would you choose if you won.

2:  "Like" MossyRockDesigns on FB; leave me a comment telling me you did so.

3:   Leave a comment telling Katie what she should paint next.

4:  Tweet, FB, or blog this giveaway, and leave me a comment telling me you did so. 

Yes---you can enter up to 4 times!

The winner will be posted on 7/20.   It's the winners responsibility to set up an Etsy account (free) and contact Katie to claim the prize.

New Book Written By an Adoptive Mother

Meet Aminta Arrington, author of the new book Home is a Roof Over A Pig:  An American Family's Journey In China.  (Great title, right?)    I had the privilege of interviewing Aminta about her new book and ask her some burning adoption questions.

Readers, this book, though it concentrates on Chinese culture, offers wonderful insight into transracial adoption in general.    I encourage you to order a copy of the book today, and when you are finished reading it, pass it on to a family member or friend or donate it to your local library or adoption agency.   

Meet Aminta---and relish in her insight and wisdom.  (Note:  Words in larger font are my chosen emphasis). 

1: Why did you decide to write your book? What do you hope readers gain from reading it?

I went to China without any intention of writing a book. It never entered into my mind. But I had so many experiences and was constantly turning over these events in my mind that I had to have an outlet. I wrote pages upon pages of journals. Eventually turning those into a manuscript helped me make sense of this culture and what I was experiencing. I hope readers will think about China differently after reading Home is a Roof, and hopefully, will find it as fascinating as I do.

2: You write (p. 40) about your daughter Katherine and her difficult time adjusting to living in China. You say, "I wondered if I was expecting too much. I wondered if we would fail utterly." I think many parents can relate to this when it comes to adoption. We are scared that we will fail the children who we chose or were chosen for us. What advice do you have for adoptive parents who try something new (move to a new place, try to mingle with people of their child's same race, etc.) and it doesn't go so well?

That’s a really good question. Things not going well are just part of life. It’s just not easy sometimes. But that doesn’t mean we are on the wrong path, or that we should give up. I read somewhere that 75% is just showing up. So when things are difficult, I try to just keep showing up. Usually there is something to be gained in the struggle. At the end, the victory will be that much sweeter if there was difficulty along the way.

3: In Chapter 9, you talk about how you had "come to China because I felt a strong connection with this country. Having adopted a daughter from China, I further defined myself not just as a mother, but a Chinese mother. I had the responsibility to teach Grace to celebrate her Chinese birth and for Katherine and Andrew to take pride in the Chinese heritage her adoption had given our family." But, you continue to say that you felt separated, isolated, and at "arm's length" (94). What are transracial adoptive parents to do when there is and will always be differences that separate them from their children's racial culture?

You can choose to raise your child only in your own culture, which is simpler by far, and is certainly a valid choice. Or you can choose to embrace your child’s heritage culture realizing that you will always be living within an irresolvable tension, but one that will bring richness to your family’s life.

For me there was never another choice, just because of my own make-up. I love languages and cultures, and I admired Chinese culture long before I had Grace. I wouldn’t be authentic if I didn’t embrace and expose Grace to Chinese culture. And I suppose it is that I am living as my authentic self which is what helps me live within the tension.

Ultimately, what helped me overcome the separation and isolation were the relationships we developed. Relationships with our students, with our minder Mr. Jia, with the retired folks on our campus, with the local fruit seller, with the cobbler on the street corner, and ultimately with Grace’s foster parents. Eating Chinese food and attending festivals and trying to experience cultural events are fine, but for us the most authentic experience of culture was in the relationships we made.
4: What was the greatest reward you have received by moving your family to China?

China is a comfortable, familiar place for my children. It is not a strange, foreign place. In particular, we know that Grace will have access to her birth culture whenever she should choose. It is not closed off to her. At the same time, this has not been her experience alone, but one she has shared with her brother, sister, and parents, a shared experience that has caused Grace’s Chinese culture to wash over all of us.

A second reward is that we’ve been forced to reexamine our American life. We’ve been close to people who have very little, and are content. We’ve learned to be content with less.

5: What is next for you? Any new writing projects? More adoptions?

Our family feels complete. I have a few writing projects in the back of my mind--the most pressing one is about the impact of Chinese history on the Chinese mind--but between teaching and studying (and three kids) it’s hard to find time to write.

Probably looming largest for our family is our return to the U.S. We’ve signed on to teach in Beijing for another year, but we anticipate it will be our last. Our kids are aging out of Chinese school. We want them to reap the benefits of primary school in China (learning all of the Chinese characters as well as excellent instruction in math), but we don’t want them to bear the burden of middle school (too much pressure, plus the beginning of political indoctrination). So we’re entering the window of needing to return. Plus, we’re Americans. Our kids need to slide into the American school system early enough that they feel fully comfortable in their American identity.

We’re not quite sure where we’ll settle in the U.S., nor do we have specific plans, but we’re ready for the next adventure.

 

Discount Code Week: Sarah Jane Studios

Simple, nostalgic, innocent, inspirational----the words I use to describe this seller's beautiful products!   Meet Sarah, and take advantage of the discount code she's offering you, White Sugar, Brown Sugar readers, for one week!    Several of her art prints and one of her jewelry items featuring brown-skinned children---horray! 

Hi, my name is Sarah Wright, and I'm the owner of Sarah Jane Studios. I sell fine art prints, stationery, paper play, embroidery patterns, jewelry, and have a fabric line with Michael Miller Fabrics. My shop is unique because I offer hand illustrated goods for children - a perfect mix of classic and charming but with fresh and modern color. You'll also find that my products inspire classic play: paper dolls and puppets... it’s the art of children engaged in simple play. I'm offering White Sugar, Brown Sugar readers a 15% discount for one week, today to July 18th,  on my website.  Use code:  SUGAR15.