Saturday, July 31, 2010

A Letter to Birth Mothers (for my Readers observation)

Dear biological/natural/birth/first mothers,

I'm sorry.

I'm embarrassed, as an adoptive mother, to hear some of the comments and assumptions people make about you based on nothing but stereotypes. People assume you are all very young, uneducated, on drugs, incompetent, unloving, and dangerous.

My heart aches each time I hear a stereotype being spewed into conversations. These ugly words perpetuate myths and insults.

I know you are women who care about your babies. I know you love the children you placed. I know each of you didn't place out of truth, but out of lies, manipulations, and pressures. I know that your heart aches every day for the children you placed; and I know you will never "get over" or "move past" that choice. I know your children are always in your hearts, and your decision to place them, it never goes away. You probably never stop analyzing it. It creeps back into your brain at times when you least expect it or when you don't want it to keep you company in a baby store, at church, while you're at school, when you're at work.

I don't get "all things birth mother." I'm not an expert. I don't have a psychology degree. But I do have a very close friend who is a birth mother. And my daughter has a birth mother, one whom I love, respect, and care very much about. One who deserves better than the ugly words and thoughts that surround them.

I'm sorry you are judged. I'm sorry you are labeled. I'm sorry you aren't given a chance beyond the label. I'm sorry people have no idea who you really are but insist on making a claim or a judgement against you simply because of one of your life choices. I'm sorry.

I hope that when I'm confronted with questions and comments, I say and do the right things. I don't have all the answers, but I want you to know I'm trying. Sometimes I'd rather change the subject, or ignore the question, or brush off the comment. But I know that's not right. I know I have to do what is right. I have to try.

I hope that if you are reading this, that you won't stop trying. Standing up for what is right does make a difference to someone, somewhere, somehow. If I didn't believe this, I wouldn't try myself.

God bless you as you forever mourn the loss of your children, as you work through adoption time and time and time again, and as you grow, change, and learn.

Love, Rachel

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