Thursday, December 30, 2010

Please don't ask me...

...if my daughters are "real" sisters or not. Our family is real.

...why my baby girl's parents didn't "want" her. Of course they wanted her. Of course they love her.

...why my baby girl's parents "gave her up." That's none of your business. old the birth parents are. Does it matter?

I know adoptive parents understand my annoyances. Just when we think we are in the clear, that our families are viewed as beautiful, someone comes along to try to justify, reason, or figure out adoption via a negative assumption, comment, or question.

Both of my daughters deserve respect and privacy. Their biological families love them. We have two wonderfully open adoptions---and our family is ever-expanding and changing. And that's a blessing.

Adoption is a puzzle to many people. They want to put the pieces into proper, pre-determined places. That's not how adoption works. There's no perfect picture at the end where all the pieces fit together in an expected, timely fashion. Adoption is its own world. Complicated. Unique.

And that's ok.


ask me about my daughter's personality.

ask me about the joys of adopting her.

ask me what open adoption is like.

Adoptive parents, we must always tread carefully, honestly, and godly---and that's no easy task. But I pray each of us have the strength and conviction to stop, breathe, and respond in a way that educates when the annoying questions crop up.


  1. Most people are so far removed from adoption they just don't know how to ask questions. Often times when I get asked things that aren't quite "right", I simply rephrase the, believe it or not, when I was asked at church, "Oh, so you aren't her real mom?" I replied, "You mean, I'm not her biological mom? Nope, but I am definitely her Mom." I think people need to be shown how to ask their adoption questions. Most, I think, are simply naive and mean no harm.

    But it sure can get old rephrasing things people say....;)

  2. Yes, well said. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!

  3. Stop, breathe, and then respond... I LOVE that. Thank you. We were recently in Australia with our colorful crew. Our visit really tested my patience when dealing with the extra "friendly" comments and questions. Congratulations on your newest addition and happy new year!


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