Thursday, March 13, 2014

Choosing Sand

I'm continuously tempted to be a "better" mom.

Whatever that means.

To make improving my mission.  To check off boxes.  To say "been there, done that" and move on to "greener pastures."  To get my hands on as much info as possible and implement ASAP. 

Yet, the more I read on social media, even the more pictures I look at of friends' kids, or the more pretty or clever things I pin, the less happy I am.  And the less productive I am. 

I get trapped in self-doubt.  I get scared of what could happen (especially when I get the rare opportunity to watch the news).  I get too many voices going against the two voices I need to listen to the most:  God and myself. 

And I also rely less on those around me whom I can talk to face-to-face or call on the phone and say, "What should I do about...?" (x problem).  The village with whom I'm blessed to be surrounded by.  So instead, I go to strangers...those who don't know me or my family or the whole story.   And often, it's helpful.  But I forget and have to remind myself (like in the book I'm reading:  Carry On, Warrior) that we are all pretty jacked up in our own ways...and nothing outside of God is perfect.

I love to consume.  Stock-pile.  Organize.   I like to be prepared.  No, I thrive on being prepared.  (Thus, one of the reasons adoption and type I diabetes are such struggles for me.) 

So I read.  Think.  Doubt.  Read more.  "Like."  Tweet.   Share. 

Yet within 30 minutes of sharing something or reading something, I'm on to something what was the point?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of back to basics and guarding my heart.

First, the guarding my heart part. 

I have to choose what (and who) I let into my life.   I have a limited capacity of energy, time, and mind-space.  So much of me goes to my family, especially now that I'm a mostly stay-at-home-mom.   

Whatever fills that little bit of space that's left needs to be really, really good.  It needs to be spiritually, physically, and emotionally energizing and inspiring.  It needs to shed truth and light and hope and peace.  

And then the "back to basics" idea. 

You know the Bible story of the wise man who built his house on a rock vs. the foolish guy building on sand.  When the storm comes, the house on the rock withstands.  

Sand=Everything/Anything else


Seek ye first the....yeah, kingdom of God.  And then everything else will be added, will follow.

There's simply no substitute for seeking, listening, and obeying God.  

And in fact, when overly-listening to other voices, even those from fellow Christians, Satan begins to creep in (disguised, of course, as something prettily-packaged) to do his work.  To inject doubt, discomfort, fear, and chaos. 

I don't want to choose sand.

My prayer today is that I am able to choose to build on the rock with every decision I make and reject the sand with a decisive and loud NO.  I pray that I don't fall for the mirages of rocks.  I pray that I am able to rest in God's peace, which only comes from seeking Him first and silencing everyone and everything else that attempts to shush God's voice. 

And I can do this.  I can make this happen.  Because I am His.  

1 comment:

  1. Thank you thank you thank you for your blog. honestly, each time I read it I am inspired in a new way. My husband and I just started the process of adopting our first child, and we are going the domestic transracial route. It's so encouraging to read your stories. Just read some of your posts on My Brown Baby so good. You write so perfectly what my husband and I are thinking and feeling going through this process. Thank you for sharing your story and being a part of this community we are starting to depend on! :)


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