Summer Reading: Most Popular Articles

I write.  A lot.

Here are some of my most popular articles from 2015, not necessarily adoption-related.  But you'll be more well-rounded if you read about a variety of subjects, right?

To The Lady Who Called My Toddler a Thug  (this was syndicated on Fatherly, The Good Men Project, and My Brown Baby)

Dear Fellow Mom:  Stop Whining and Get in the Damn Pool

The One Thing You Should Say to an Adoptive Family

Happy reading, Sugars!

Message for All The Mamas Out There About This Summer

Ya'll!

(I'm wrapping up a vaca in the South.  Ya'll is BIG here.)

I wrote this article for Scary Mommy, and it's become wildly and quickly popular.   Like 135,000-people-have-liked-it popular.

It's a message super close to my heart, because as a type 1 diabetic, I know a thing or two about body image.

I hope you'll hop over and read it.  Let me know what you think!

Happy summer, Sugars!  

Let's Talk About Superheroes, Diabetes, and Mother's Day

Hi, Sugars!

I hope you all are enjoying spring!

Here's some spring reading:

To The Women Who Birthed My Children: Mother's Day Is For You, Too

10 Perks to Having Type 1 Diabetes

What's So Super About Minimizing Black Girls?

Have a great week, Sugars!

Should A Chick Be a Bunny?

Recently, I was getting a few items at my local Kohl's, when I stopped to browse the Easter towels. And that's when I found this one.

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me if I believed that colorblindness was a claim that negated a person of color's whole self.  Meaning, does a person boasting to be "colorblind" mean that he or she is refusing to see the entirety of a person of color?

My answer was, without a second thought, yes.

You see, when a person looks at our family, the first thing they notice is difference.

This is NOT a bad thing.  It's not wrong to notice what is glaringly apparent.   (What is NOT an appropriate response is to turn your every thought into a question, comment, or stare.)

It's like the Todd Parr book that states It's Okay To Be Different.

What I want those who proudly boast of teaching their kids to be colorblind, or proudly proclaim to be colorblind themselves, is this:

• It's okay to notice that our family doesn't match.
• It's okay for your child to point out to you, the parent, that our family doesn't match.
• It's okay for you to respond to your child, inviting them to further discuss race and ask questions (during an appropriate time and place).
• It's okay for you not to have all the right words (perfect racial literacy) to talk to your child; the key is to TALK, not shush your child.  You do not want them to believe there is something wrong with talking about race.
• It's okay for your child to be excited about having a friend or classmate who is a different race; it's okay for your child to express that excitement; it's ok for you to share in that excitement.  
• It's okay to say that my kids are Black (because, newsflash, they are!).  
• It's okay to admit that you do not have a completely confident and flawless empathy for people of color; but it's not okay to stop learning and growing.  

My babies aren't bunnies.  They are chicks.  You won't find us trying to pluck bunny ears on their heads.

We celebrate and embrace our children for exactly who they are.  We do not pretend not to see their chocolate brown skin, ignore their history as a Black people, or neglect to prepare them for the realities of living as a person of color in our "post-racial" society. 

So dear colorblind-boasting-parent:  

PUT DOWN THE BUNNY EARS.

Chicks are fabulous, too.  

No i-Pads, Adoption Burnout, Stop Saying These Things to My Kids, Silence in Response to Ignorance, Popular Adoption Sayings That Make Me Groan, and more...

Hi, Sugars!

I've been crazy-busy-swamped lately.  I have the adult acne breakout and a dwindling chocolate stash to prove it.

You can read Why My Kids Didn't Get an iPad for Their Birthdays (Again) over at Babble, Disney's parenting site.    Maybe some of you can relate to my iPhone addiction?

I've also been writing for Scary Mommy.  My latest piece is 9 Things I Wish People Would Stop Saying to My Black Children.  Whew.  The comments on that post are polarizing...to say the least.  What do you think?  (And if you haven't read it yet, check out my Scary Mommy article shared by Huffington Post Parents:  We're a Real Family, Thank You Very Much)

I've also been contributing regularly over at adoption.net.  I want you to know, if you are experiencing adoption burnout, you aren't alone.  Silence is one way to respond to racial ignorance in adoption.  Do you have any popular adoption sayings you cannot stand?  Here's a list of mine (and why they are EW!).

The best news...

My third book is coming out this spring (co-authored with the talented and wise Madeleine Melcher).  Madeleine is a mother by adoption (x3) and an adoptee, as well as an adoption profile creation specialist, and author.  And let me tell you, there is nothing else like our book on the market.  It's the book I wish I would have had in my hands when I started on our adoption journey over seven years ago.   I CANNOT WAIT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!     The encouragement you will receive from this book is going to be mind-blowing, invigorating, and necessary.  

Back to mothering my three baby sugars and polishing the manuscript!  And figuring out what's for dinner....and sorting laundry....

Very Merry: My One December Blog Post

It's December!  One of my favorite times of the year is Christmas.  We decorate, we bake, we shop, we wrap, we read, we smile, we celebrate, we eat, we lounge, we listen.  It's sparkly, magic, miracle. It's joy, peace, and hope.  It's blessing after blessing.  It's family. It's remembering and looking forward.

When Steve and I were first married, we put up a tree that was decorated in coordinating glass, silver, and gray ornaments. It was balanced, symmetrical.  It was tidy and well-planned.

As the years passed on and the children entered our lives, our tree began to evolve.  We added ornaments from our own childhoods, plus ornaments gifted to our children.  Ornaments symbolizing first Christmases and favorite activities and characters. We began to display several Black Santa ornaments and brown-skinned angels, grinning each time our kids exclaimed, "That one looks like me!"

 Our tree went from silver and gray to a palate mirroring the rainbow.

In essence, our tree became symbolic of our family:  non-matching but more beautiful than it was before.

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This year has been one of incredible blessings for our family.  My oldest started kindergarten, my middle child started preschool, my son turned one (and is almost two!).  We started homeschooling the kids (part-time).  I published a second book, wrote for both Scary Mommy and Babble, shared part of our story on Portrait of Adoption, got re-published on abc.com, went on NPR and Huffington Post Live, and continued to write for adoption.net.  I found out that Melissa Harris-Perry recommended my first book!  And I'm happy to share that my first book has sold over 1,000 copies!   And Steve and I successfully went on a date every month (except October).  That's huge, ya'll, when you have three kids!  We visited our kids' birth families twice, and we spent a fabulous week at Disney with Steve's parents.

We have so much to be thankful for.

2015 will no doubt be a great year!  Exciting things are coming, including my third book (co-authored with a really fabulous writer).   Meanwhile, I'll be getting my Christmas on, doing a daily devotional with the kiddos, baking cookies, wrapping gifts, and relishing in the celebration of Jesus' birth and the promise that starry night offers us all:

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  ~Luke 2:10 (emphasis mine)

I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas.  I hope this season has you looking up and relishing in the best gift: a savior.  Thank you for using a few moments of your precious time to read my blog.  I'll be back blogging in January.  

"We're a Real Family"

I'm thrilled to share my article, "We're a Very Real Family, Thank You Very Much," which was published over at Scary Mommy today!   It's been shared on Facebook over 23,000 times in just a matter of hours! 

Happy reading, and happy weekend!