"How much do you share?" This was the question brought up on the adoption message board I frequent. Here's my personal belief and my response to the woman's question:
I share the following with almost anyone:
where she was born
that we stay in touch with her bio mom
how old E is
the agency we used
why we chose adoption
that we plan to adopt again
what I do not share with people we don't know well:
anything else not listed above
what is only shared with a few very close friends and our parents and siblings:
her birth name
select information about her bio mom such as her first name and age
personal information about our adoption experience
There are a few things we haven't shared with anyone simply because it's not necessary. It's not about being secretive as it is being respectful of my child and her bio mom.
My philosophy on this stems from my relatives who adopted, shared too much too soon, and their child was teased because of this information. They warned us not to share too much. Once info is out there, you can't take it back. And I want to be the one to tell my child information as it is appropriate for her age and understanding---not the neighbor or her grandparents or friends.
My advice---don't hand out information like candy on Halloween. I am not ashamed of any part of my child's adoption; however, I am also not going to give out information simply because people are curious. I have learned that it is OK not to answer questions!!