Monday, June 8, 2015

Dear Rachel: A Letter to Myself Before the First Adoption

Dear Rachel,

This is Now-Rachel.  I have three children by adoption.  And here’s what you need to know right now as you wait for your first child: 

Pray more for the unknown mom who will entrust you with her child than you pray for yourself.  But don’t forget to pray for yourself, too.   Just don’t forget to pray in general. 

You have no control over what happens.   You do have control over your reactions. 

Don’t stop living your life just because you are waiting for babies.  Relish in today’s joys.  Handle today’s challenges. 

Being nervous, neurotic, confused, angry, and hopeful are perfectly normal emotions.

Listen to your budding mommy-gut more than you listen to advice books and blogs and other parents.  God gave you a mommy-gut for a reason!

Nest away.  Nest fiercely and passionately.  Enjoy it. 

No matter how many times you adopt, each time is scary, heartbreaking, and difficult.  The number of times you adopt has no bearing on each adoption process and the emotions you will face.  When human hearts and lives are involved, it’s terrifying and overwhelming. 

Listen to every woman of color who approaches you with advice on hair, skin, and culture once your sweet baby is home.

Don’t answer every question (or feel obligated to answer every question) you are asked about your child and her adoption.  It’s okay to walk away mid-conversation or tell someone they are being rude or intrusive. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice from women of color.  Humble yourself! 

The What-If Game is ridiculously time consuming and stress inducing.  Stop playing it! 

Give yourself permission to just sit and hold your baby for hours on end.  There is nothing like the first baby and the earliest days. 

Trust the old ladies who tell you that kids grow up so fast and time flies.  They are 100% right!  Relish in today.

Love with reckless abandon.  

You have nothing to prove.  You are just who you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to do.  All negative voices have no place in your life. 

You are a great (budding) mother, and you will just get better with time!

Forgive yourself.  Often.  Early.  And move forward.  Yesterday shouldn’t put you in chains. 

Breathe in that sweet baby smell one hundred times a day.  Bury your nose in your baby’s neck even more.  Snuggle away.  Get lost in your baby’s eyes.   Savor every smile and sleepy gaze.

Love, Rachel

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Rachel! My husband and I have been in the process for over a year and just had to "fire" our agency. We continue to pray and discern our next step but I appreciate reading your blog and can't wait to get my Devotional!


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