If you are unfamiliar, the term "adoption triad" refers to a triangle, it's corner points representing birth (biological/first/natural) parents, parents who adopted, and adoptees (people who were adopted).
There has been much talk in the adoption community in recent years about the silencing or ignoring of adoptee voices. The argument is often that adoptees matter the most in the triad, yet they are often the ones whose input is pushed aside by the other triad members (biological parents and parents by adoption) as well as by policy makers, educators, social workers.
My dear friend Madeleine Melcher is an adoptee and mom through adoption. She once shared with me that I need to, above all, listen my children; not because they were adopted, but because they are my children, my responsibility. And because when it comes to the things associated with adoption (visits with birth parents, for example), what is most important is what my children want, not what the other adults involved want. (Madeleine has written two excellent books, in case you are interested, and also has a blog.)
I have seen a shift in the past few years among parents who adopted. They are more willing to listen to adult adoptees. In my experience, besides face to face, authentic relationships (which trump everything else, in my opinion), reading and viewing material can be incredibly beneficial to parents by adoption.
Here are some of my favorite adoptee-focused resources, most of which were created by adoptees:
- Carissa Woodwyk: one voice giving voice
- Madeleine Melcher: our journey to you
- Christian Romo: diary of a not-so-angry asian adoptee
- Rhonda M. Roorda: author and expert on transracial adoption
ADOPTEE BOOKS/FILMS: all available on Amazon
What are you favorite adoptee-centered resources? I'd love to add to my list!