Monday, July 31, 2017

Dear Sugar: Ten Things This Mama of Four Ain't Got Time For

Dear Sugar:

I have four children.  That alone should cause pause.  I do not have time or patience for the following:

1:  Any events where only one of my children is invited.

2:  Parties (online or in person) where women are trying to sell me crap I do not want, need, or like.

3:  Diets, including no-carb or low-carb, keto, vegan, or drinking-shakes-only.

4:  Listening to complaints from grown women about petty nonsense.  

5:  Drama.  Put on your big-girl panties.  

6:  Outings for the sake of the children that mean I will sweat profusely among a large crowd of strangers for several hours while making small talk with said strangers who want to discuss all-things-adoption while two of the four kids have epic meltdowns over needing another snack even though we ate sixteen minutes ago.  (Think, zoo in July...thanks but not thanks).  

7:  700 ultra-expensive children's adult-directed activities that only make all of us want to have an epic public meltdown.  Just say NO to over-scheduling.  

8:  Flakes.  My carefully-laid plans are just that: carefully laid.  When I manage to get my rear out the door, dressed as a semi-normal and functional human being, that's a BIG DEAL.  If you flake on me: girl, bye.  

9:  Extra anything.  I don't want papers, I don't want freebies, I don't want crappy junk in my house.  (Just say NO to free Dum Dums from the bank teller.)  

10:  Healthy brownies.  NOBODY actually likes brownies made with vegetables.  Eat a real damn brownie, and we can be friends. 

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