Tuesday, July 24, 2018

10 Adoption Comments From Nosy Strangers and Real-Life Responses

We've all been there.

We're in the grocery store checkout line or at the park watching our kids or trying to select books at the library, when THAT stranger comes up and has somethin' to say about adoption.   

And we're often caught off-guard.  I mean, we're just living our life.  And then BAM!, adoption is thrown in our faces as the stranger demands we justify, explain, or explore adoption, right there, right in front of our kids.  

When I was new to adoption, I tended to give away too much information.  I wanted to please people. I didn't want to offend.  And I wanted to educate.

But the longer I've been in the adoption community (almost 13 years now!), the more likely I am to provide a "short and sweet" answer that educates but doesn't offer up any extra information that the stranger doesn't need to know.  

AND, most importantly, I answer in a way that protects my child's privacy.  

So, here are the top ten comments we get and how I respond:

Stranger:  "Your child is lucky you adopted them!"

You:  "I'm the lucky one."  

Stranger:  "How old is their real mom?"

You:  "I'm 36."  (Or whatever your age is)

Stranger:  "Are your kids real siblings?"

You:  "They aren't fake siblings."  

Stranger:  "Why didn't you have your own kids?"

You:  "My children are my 'own.'"

Stranger:  "Are you going to have your own child now that you've adopted?"

You:  "My child is my 'own' child."  

Stranger:  "How much did your child cost?" 

You:  "I paid for an adoption process, not a child."  

Stranger:  "I heard all adopted kids have problems." 

You:  "You heard wrong."  

Stranger:  "Is your son full or mixed?"

You:  "My son is human."

Stranger:  "God bless you for adopting children who needed a good and loving home."

You:  "I'm thankful to be my kids' mom."  

Stranger:  "Why did her birth parents give her up?"

You:  "Her birth parents placed her for adoption, and the reasons behind that choice are private."  

What would you add to my top-ten list?  How do you respond? 

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