School and Adoption Sensitivity: Adoption Talk Link-Up

Before I became a stay-at-home-mom/writer, I taught college writing for eight years.  During these eight years, I learned a lot about what my students needed and how I, as their teacher, could provide those things for them to ensure they had the best learning experience possible.    Compound this education with becoming a mom by adoption (x3), and I've figured out that there are some things I need to do for my children's teachers, in terms of adoption, to make sure my kids have a great school year.

My second daughter, a preschooler, is being homeschooled this year.  As you've probably noticed, I've shared about this a lot in the past month, with the publication of my new homeschooling book.

My oldest daughter attended half-day kindergarten (at a public school) last year, and she is now in full day first grade at the same school.   It is important to me, always to protect my kids' personal adoption stories, but there are some things I feel the teachers need to know, including:

• Adoption is an open conversation in our home.  There are no secrets.  Therefore, the child may choose to freely talk about adoption at school.   However, we've empowered our child to know she doesn't have to answer questions about her adoption if she chooses not to.  
• Adoption is obviously how we built our family, but we aren't an "adoptive family."  We are a family.
• Adoption is complex and bittersweet.  If questions or concerns arise, please ask me!  
• I'll happily provide resources for the classroom or school library; this includes adoption resources and resources created by/featuring African Americans.  
• We refer to birth siblings and "siblings," therefore, you might here my child mention names of kids who aren't in our family.  
• We have open adoptions, so our child may talk about visits or communication with her biological family.  
• Sometimes my child may struggle with separation or transitions.  This might because of adoption, and it may not be.  But either way, I want you to be aware of it.   I let the teacher know the best way to help my child with times of separation or transition.  (For us, it's hugs.)
• School projects that involve the child's earliest days or biological information aren't difficult for us, as we adopted our kids at birth and have a lot of their information; however, these projects might need to be tailored at times to fit our unique family dynamic (and the different family dynamics of other classmates).  Please be flexible and let us adjust the assignments as needed.   For example, we don't really have a family tree.  It's more like a family orchard.  

What would you add? 

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for more goodness this week, please check out my articles:

My Black Girls Need More Disney Princesses Who Look Like Him

5 Things I Did for my Kindergartner That I Won't Be Doing Again This Year

5 Reasons Why Kids Who Were Adopted May Benefit From Homeschooling

An InLinkz Link-up

Adoptive Nursing/Donor Milk Media for Kids

World Breastfeeding Week was at the beginning of this month, and after my initial post, I thought I should share with you some resources to show your kids on adoptive nursing.   There is adoptive nursing/donor milk (in the form of one animal providing milk for another) in the following:

A Conversation With God

Recently, it was a hot summer day. I had just finished working out, and I told the kids they could play in the water table and baby pool in the back yard. I got out two huge tubs of water toys, got the water table and baby pool filled, and let the kids do their thing.  Meanwhile, I put up a camping chair just inside the basement doors (in the air conditioning) and kept an eye on them while they played.

I rarely get a quiet moment. Someone always needs something.  And then someone else needs something else.  And then the third child needs something else.  And then the first child needs what I just gave the third child, which makes the second child upset.   Vicious cycle.

But for a few minutes while the kids were armed with water squirters and old sippy cups, I sat in a chair and thought, "Wow.  I don't think I've prayed, I mean like REALLY prayed, in....huh.  I have no idea how long it's been.  So it must have been a long time ago."  My brain shuts down by about six p.m. each night.   Those last few hours of the day feel like a hurricane of jelly beans and Lego blocks and toothpicks being pelted at my face.   (You mamas know what I'm talking about!)  It is NOT pleasant.   There's dinner, Daddy walks in the door (cue crazy x1000), the house is a disaster, and then there's pjs, brushing teeth, potty breaks, stories, back rubs, prayers, songs, threats, tears, yelling, and eventually, EVENTUALLY, blissful silence.   And at that point, I have about 1% battery power left.   On a good night.

So my conversation with God, as I sat in a camping chair sporting my workout clothes and a Flintstones'-style ponytail, went like this:

Hi, God.

It's been awhile.

I'm tired.  Obviously you know that.  You are God, after all.

Look at beautiful my babies are.  Thank you for them.  My girls.  My son.  They are so happy.  

Wow, this chair isn't all that comfortable, but it feels good to just sit.

God:  You know, you can tap in to my power at any time.    It is the best resource you've got.

I know.  Why do I forget so easily?

Sheesh.  I really need to do this more often, and not in a "bless so-and-so" kind of way that I do when I see a prayer request from a friend on Facebook.  

I feel so far from you, God.  It's lonely.

I'm always here.  I help you even when you don't ask for it.

I have sensed that at times.  Especially during some hard adoption moments over this past year.

I really want to adopt again.  But I just don't know.  One day I think it's the best idea ever and I'm ready, and the next day I think it's a terrible idea.  Then the what ifs start.  Want to hear the baby names I have picked out for my next seven kids, most of whom will be girls because I have more girl names picked out?   

I'm a God of peace. Not confusion.

I know.  I create my own problems.   I hate how self-reliant I am sometimes.  

I really should pray for my husband more.  Isn't that what holy women do?   Ok.  Here goes. God bless my husband.  Help him to have a good day.  Help me be receptive to you as I go about my day, taking your cues and helping my husband feel encouraged in the ways that he needs.

I'm tired.  And all I'm thinking about right now is whipping up some latte popsicles.  Cheaper than Starbucks.  

And my writing.  I'm mostly proud of it.  But I really need to write more positive things.  All the news stories about racism in our country makes me crazy.  I just cannot be silent, yet when I share stories, am I just feeding the frenzy and not really making a difference at all?  

You need to focus first and foremost on raising your children in Me.   

But there are so many things working against my kids, against Black people.  BIG things.  Systematic things.  Racist people.  I don't feel like I'm ever doing enough.  Please, please protect my children.

I already have.  I already am.  They are with you.  You are the mother they need.  There is a purpose for them and their lives.  

I'm scared for them.  But I'm so thankful to be their mommy.  You know just the other day...

INSERT CHILDREN SQUIRTING EACH OTHER IN A WAR-LIKE MANNER WITH TOO POWERFUL SQUIRT TOYS CAUSING SCREAMING FRENZY REQUIRING PARENTAL INTERVENTION.

I should do this again soon, God.  Thanks.  I gotta run and tend to those sweet babies I was just praying about.  

Multicultural Homeschooling Materials for Young Kids

Hi, Sugars!

First, thank you to everyone who has purchased Homeschooling Your Young Black Child: A Simple Getting-Started Guide and Workbook.  I hope that it's helping you gear up for a fabulous homeschooling year!

Today I want to share with you some of our favorite multicultural materials for your home.  These are excellent to tie-in with your homeschooling time!  

---Click on the image to be connected to a website for more details and purchasing---

Adoption Linkup: Favorite Transracial Adoption Children's Books

Hi, Sugars!

Today's optional topic was transracial adoption.  Obviously, this is something I'm passionate about. As a mom by transracial adoption x3, I've had the opportunity to write and speak extensively on the topic, including places like Huffington Post, Huffington Post Live, Scary Mommy, Babble, NPR, and MSNBC.   Perhaps my proudest accomplishment is writing COME RAIN OR COME SHINE and seeing how well it has sold; it was the book I felt convicted to write, feeling a hole in the market and giving parents-to-be and parents the book I wish I would have had when we started our adoption journey.

I have always been an advocate of reading.  The reading experience is transforming, magical, and imaginative.  It encourages creativity and conversations.  It's beautiful, and to me, essential.

Today I want to share with you some of my favorite children's books focusing on transracial adoption.  If you click on the book image, you'll be taken to Amazon where you can read the books description and purchase it if you wish.

 Happy reading, Sugars!

And in my first children's book, you'll find an illustration of a transracial adoptive family on the last page!  

An InLinkz Link-up

Three PBS TV Show Episodes With Adoption Themes for Preschoolers & Early Grade Schoolers

My kids love learning about adoption or seeing families who look like ours.   If you are parenting a preschooler or early grade schooler who was adopted, I recommend these PBS show episodes (click on the graphic for a link to purchase or watch the episodes:

In Big Brother Binky, Binky's family adopts a baby girl from China.  Binky goes through many emotions including excitement and frustration, including jealousy (with the adoption process and bonding with his new sister).   This is a wonderful episode to show to children who have or are waiting for an adopted sibling.  Told from the point of view of the sibling.

Buddy decides he wants to learn more about what it means to be a theropod.  His family, including his parents are siblings, are pteranodons, and they are incredibly supportive of Buddy, accompanying him to a theropod convention.   This episode beautifully demonstrates what transracial adoptive parents should do to support their children.   Told from the point of view of the adoptee.  

Becky (aka Word Girl, a superhero) recounts her adoption story to her dad and brother.  (Jump to minute 5:45 if you wish to see just the adoption segment of this episode.)   Told from the point of view of the adoptee.  

Which episodes would you add to the list?  

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

Hi, Sugars!  It's World Breastfeeding Week!  Here are a few resources I want you to have:

One of my top five most popular posts, this one on breastfeeding your baby by adoption.  

My favorite adoptive nursing book:  Breastfeeding Without Birthing.  

The best adoptive breastfeeding online support group. 

Award winning bottle-feeding article for breastfeeding moms. 

My favorite adoptive mama who nursed her baby:  blog title I AM NOT THE BABYSITTER

Dr. Sears' breastfeeding book, including a discussion of adoptive nursing (Dr. Sears' wife is a mom-by-adoption and nursed her adopted baby.)

Huffington Post Live segment on adoptive breastfeeding

The best nursing video ever!  

photo from my skin-to-skin photo shoot with my youngest

La Jolie Vie Photography