Today while I was getting my daily dose of encouragement (via reading a fab book, checking out recommended Bible verses, and praying) the thought crossed my mind that it's quite likely that somewhere there is a woman who is pregnant with our baby.
Adoption is always on my mind. This weekend we watched The Avengers followed by October Baby. What do the two films have in common?
Well, in The Avengers, one character is discussing his brother with a group of friends. One character mentions the brother's faults, and the initial character says, "He's adopted." GRRRR! Adoptism!
October Baby is a film about an adoptee who discovers, as a young college student, that she was adopted. She tries to find her birth mother. I don't want to say much else and spoil the film for you, but unlike most Christian films, this one really wasn't corny or cheesy or obviously low-budget. I found it to be fairly accurate and moving.
Last week I also stopped pumping (see last post), I've been e-mailing the social worker about our homestudy, and I've been cleaning out and organizing our adoption paperwork from past adoptions.
Whew.
Honestly, this week I've been off my game. I feel agitated, impatient, and a bit, well, just off. Tired. Anxious.
When I start to put the focus on myself (my feelings about adoption, for example), something inevitably happens that reminds me to stop. Breathe. Think.
There's another person out there, someone who is facing an extraordinarily difficult choice: parent or place.
That someone is the birth mother of our future child.
She may be pregnant right now, or not yet, or she may have already had a baby she's going to place.
So many unknowns.
But what I know is this:
I'm incredibly fortunate that we can afford to adopt.
I'm incredibly fortunate to have the children I do.
I'm incredibly fortunate that I have the privilege of praying for a mother and a baby I have yet to meet.
And I'm incredibly selfish to put the focus on myself.
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What are you thinking about today? Any humbling adoption thoughts? Emotions? Where are you at today, friend?
So true!! We became lisenced foster parents two weeks ago and got a call last night for a little girl. Our goal is adoption but there are many uncertainties about her case. I need to constantly remind myself that this isn't about me but a sweet girl that needs a home and her mother who is grieving a loss. I read Acts 20:35 this morning and felt God telling me the same thing!
ReplyDeleteYesterday I felt a mix of guilt and sadness as a good friend was praying for our adoption and she used the word "if". She prayed "if" this child was to join our family that the process would be smooth and in God's timing. Whew. That little "if" word just punched me in the gut, like "surely this IS going to happen, right God?" And then immediately the feelings of knowing that if/when it does happen its because of extreme loss and brokenness I felt guilty for even thinking it. Such a mixed up mess adoption can be. Praying for you as you wait!
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