3 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Kids Individually When You Have a Big Family

If you follow me on Insta, you'll see I have an affinity for the #BigFamilyProblems. Mostly because, well, that's my life.  

In all honesty, I often use the hashtag sarcastically.  Because I LOVE having a big family.  And I love having an even number of children.  My middle two tend to "buddy up" while my oldest and the baby do the same.  Or sometimes the oldest two girls gel while the younger two play together.   It can be pretty awesome!

But we need to remember that our kids need some one-on-one time with mom and dad.  Having "buddies" (aka, siblings) is great.  It really is.  But our kids are individuals with their own needs, personalities, and dreams.   

So here's how we make sure each of our kids gets some one-on-one time with mom and/or dad:

1:  Go on a date.

Yes, just like you might date a spouse or partner, you need to date your kids!   Our oldest three are on a rotating schedule.  They get to pick which parent takes them on the date and what the activity is.  It's usually about an hour of time.  Sometimes we manage two dates in one weekend, while other times it might take us an entire month to get to all three dates.

The date doesn't need to be expensive.  With a big family, I know it's not realistic to spend a ton of money.   My kids most commonly choose getting ice cream or lunch, because they get to pick the place and take their time.   

Other ideas include a solo trip to the park (free), a trip to the store to spend their allowance, or occasionally, a movie.  (Though this often ends up being a double-date where one parent takes two kids.)  

2:  Run an errand. 

I look at this as a win-win.  Your family needs groceries, and a child can accompany mom or dad.  This gives us time to chat and usually the chosen kiddo gets a special treat of some sort, such as a quick run through the drive-thru for a hot chocolate.   If we're at a store that has toys, we linger on that aisle for a bit and listen to our child's interests.  

One of our kids loves to go through the car wash, for example.  Another child loves going on a library run.  It might even be driving up to the drive-thru pharmacy to pick up the family prescriptions.  We roll the windows down and blast that child's favorite music.  Sometimes they request gum from my purse, which is also a big deal since we don't let our kids chew gum all the time. You can make every day errands special!  

3:  Linger at bedtime.

Sometimes we linger a little longer with one kiddo at bedtime, giving us the opportunity to chat, cuddle, or listen to them tell us about something that's pressing on their hearts.  Bedtime is a great time to unwind and talk, parent-to-child, while the other parent gets the other kids to bed.  I recommend this most on nights that is not a school night, mostly because school nights are stressful for all.   

I also like to give my kids a "good dream in their mind" by saying something aloud that they love and touching their forehead. The kids even ask for a "good dream" before bed sometimes.  This sets the tone for a good night's sleep.   

My kids also love when I ask them questions such as "The Favorites Game." I ask them three questions about their favorites, such as:  what is your favorite food, what is your favorite season, what is your favorite color?   It's super simple and fun.  

A few guidelines:

-Make your dates technology-free.  Except, of course, to snap a few pictures to commemorate the fun.  You keep your phone tucked away, and you don't let your child bring a device. 

-Set a budget.  This makes the date-choosing fair to all the kids and keeps your family's finances in mind. 

-Create a schedule.  As I mentioned, we rotate dates with our oldest three kids, but we don't do it every weekend.  However, putting dates on a calendar is helpful for kids to know what's happening, with whom, and when.  

-Give choices.  Older kids may know exactly what they want to do, but younger children are often more successful with choices.  "Do you want to go get ice cream, or do you want to go to the park?"  

-Make dates about time-spent-together (experiences) and not things.  I'd suggest not making dates a toy-buying-excursion, unless of course, it's something linked to an activity.  Like you purchase water guns and then have a water gun fight together when you get home.  

Dear Sugar: 8 Things That'll Get You Through the Rest of Summer Break

Hey, Sugar:

I know.  We're in the homestretch.   Kids restless.   Mama exhausted.  Boredom collides with sibling arguments collides with mama's frustration.  It's hot.  Dreadfully hot.  Like too hot to swim kind of hot.

As a mom of four:  I GET IT.   This parenting thing, especially on the verge of summer ending and school beginning, is absolutely draining.   Like not even a venti cup full of straight-up espresso shots can save you.

During these final days and weeks, let's talk about survival.   Because if mama is happy, everyone is more likely to be happy.   So make a list and check it twice (sheesh, I do love me some Christmas and snow sounds REALLY nice right about now).   Here is my mom-will-survive-the-rest-of-summer-list, and you go ahead and make yours.  Like make a list and paste it somewhere visible as a daily reminder to treat yo'self.

Rachel's list:

1:  Flavored "sparkling" carbonated water.   No calories, no artificial dyes, no sugar (or even fake sugar), hydrating, refreshing.  I drink at least two a day, sometimes even four.  My favorite flavors are black cherry, white peach, and blueberry (which Target sadly stopped making, and I'm clinging to my last two cans!).

2:  Great books that I can read over and over.  Here are a few of my faves, and if you click on the images you can view details:



3:  Fewer commitments.   Saying no is so empowering.  It's OK to be too tired (and impatient) for playdates, for extracurricular activities, for getting up early to be somewhere.   Your kids will be JUST FINE.

4:  Order school supplies online.  The stores are INSANE as soon as the supply lists are released.  NO THANK YOU.   I'm a huge fan of Target and order all my kids' supplies online.   And if you want to save big, check out my Target couponing and savings tips.

5: Make your kids a sensory rice bin.  We currently have THREE:  solar system, rainbow, and under-the-sea.  They're inexpensive and magical.  ALL of my kids love them, despite the age range!  Plus, I love that this is the perfect rainy or too-hot day activity.   (Skip the slime, people.  That stuff doesn't come out of anything and is just gross.   Rice bins last for years; slime doesn't.)

6: Simplify meals.  My favorite thing to whip up when the kids are starving? Scrambled eggs, a frozen veggie, and a piece of fruit.  VOILA.   No one wants to cook when it's 100+ degrees out.

7:  Have family reading or game nights (or days!).  My kids LOVE LOVE LOVE this.  And it surprisingly kept them occupied for well over an hour.

8:  Get new multicultural art supplies.  Cover a table with paper from a big roll.  Then lay out the supplies and little hand mirrors (to help them create self-portraits).  Have fun, kids!  



-This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Dear Sugar: Teaching Kids Valuable Lessons and Skills Through Play

Dear Sugar:

Since it's summer and my children are home for three straight months (where is my coffee?!?), I'm using these precious days to teach, and more importantly, teach through play!   

I have a mad mommy crush on all-things-eeBoo and for some very good reasons.  eeBoo values creativity, diversity, affordability, and quality.  I would describe the company as selling products-with-purpose.   

If you've been parenting for any length of time, you know that so many children's toys and games are completely pointless, even annoying.   I loathe noisy, over-stimulating, non-imaginative toys.   But eeBoo?  They provide the very things this mama loves!   

Here are our favorite eeBoo products and a description of why we love them:

Currently, my oldest has a math tutor.  Like me, she's not mathematically-minded.  We're awesome at all-things-creative (think art and writing) and enjoy learning about cultures and history.  But numbers, they just don't add up!  (Pun intended).   When I was trying to decide how to get her to enjoy math (is that possible?) it dawned on me that games are fun.  So why not nab a math game for her to learn-while-playing?   The Simple Math Lotto teaches children ages 5+ about addition and subtraction. 

Then comes talking to my kids about adoption.  Because we're a transracial family, adoption is an open-topic and an obvious "status."    The Happy Families card game, geared toward kids ages 3+, explores the diversity of families while emphasizing communication and taking turns.



Now, let's talk about empathy.   Empathy is something that's very important to our family.  I see parents asking, how do I teach empathy?  Is it something that one either has naturally, or not?  I believe empathy can be learned!  I think experience truly is the best teacher, but why not enjoy a game that teaches empathy, too?   I Heard Your Feelings conversation cards are incredible for "reading emotional situations."  48 cards, each with a picture on the front, and multiple questions on the back to prompt kids to analyze and examine social situations and how to be empathetic.   

I'll Never Forget a Face is our all-time favorite matching game.   It's great for memory-building, diversity-mindfulness, cultural-competency, and laid-back fun.  Have a globe or world map nearby and show your kids the different places where the "faces" are from. They also sell Children of the World art cards and a puzzle.   


For easy, quick fun (with a focus on turn-taking), we love Old Maid (diverse cast of characters) and SNAP!  My three oldest can play these games together.   We took SNAP! with us to family Christmas, and the cousins had a blast!  I love uncomplicated, fun games that include kids with a variety of ages and skill sets.  Also a win: one of my kids struggles with impulsiveness, so any games requiring awareness of others' rights and needs and turn-taking is helpful.   

We are old school.  We still send our friends and family members greeting cards via snail mail. Nothing is better than getting "happy mail"!   eeBoo offers diverse greeting cards to celebrate life's occasions.   My kids include their own messages and sign their names (or for the baby, we trace her hand) to personalize the cards. By doing this, they practice composition and handwriting. Remember what I shared with you on Insta a few weeks back? That a great way to decorate around your house is to frame postcards and greeting cards?  These cards are perfect for that, too!


eeBoo sells so many fantastic items including:  lacing cards, puzzles, party games, art supplies, story cards (my kids LOVE these), paper dolls, block tower sets, and much more!   You can also shop by age, and 
eeBoo has products for babies to adults (and families).   




This post is sponsored by our friends at eeBoo.

Dear Sugar: How to Have a Family Reading Night

Last month, my husband and I decided we needed to put something on the calendar for our family each week that involved connection and calmness.  

This is NOT easy to do with four energetic kids.   And definitely not in the evenings when it seems that “all hell breaks loose.”    

But it’s been four weeks, and it’s going shockingly well!    So here’s how we did it:

1:  Chose a day.

For us, it’s Wednesday nights.  No one has any sort of activity.   And we mainly picked it because it’s the middle of the week (Hump Day) and a pick-me-up is necessary.  It also tends to be a night when most of us are emotionally stable (meaning it’s not the Monday blues or the Thursday-crazy-get-stuff-done-before-the-weekend).  

2:  Set a few rules.

For us, Family Reading Night doesn’t happen until dinner is eaten, dishes are taken to the sink, the kids are bathed, teeth are brushed, and they’re in their pajamas.   And clothing for the next day has to be already chosen.  The must be completely ready for bed.

Our other rules:  no electronics, no apps (even “educational” ones), no movies.   Not even books-on-CD.   

3:  Setting.

We opted for our living room.  We have a new, huge plush rug that’s perfect for sitting and playing and reading.  The kids bring in their sleeping bags so they have a set place to sit.  Plus sleeping bags are great for snuggling and relaxing.   We turn off the overhead lights and stick to lamps and our screened-in porch bulb strands for light.   We may or may not have our jazz playlist on.  

4:  Have your supplies ready.

Earlier that day, or the day before, gather up everything you need to make your night successful.  (An alternative is to have a designated basket, box, or storage bin that holds your supplies.)   We opt for the following:

• BOOKS:  These include library finds from the week and/or themed books for the month.  For example, since it’s Women’s History Month, we gathered picture books focusing on women.  Make sure you have books for everyone’s age and interest:  board books, picture books, chapter books, etc.  For sensory-seeking kids, lift-a-flap and touch-and-feel books are helpful. 
• FLASHCARDS:  Touch and feel, educational (such as these Black history) cards, learn-a-language, etc.     
• LITERACY GAMES:   An alphabet floor puzzle, matching pairs, story cards, letter magnets (used on a cookie sheet), etc. 
• LOVIES:  These can be dolls, stuffed animals, etc.  They can be used to act out stories OR are simply there for cuddles.  Some of our favorite African American dolls include Peter from The Snowy Day and the Corolle dolls (this one is adorable!) because their quality is excellent and the dolls are realistic looking.   
• LIGHT SOURCES:  You may or may not have flashlights for each child.   For us, this is more of a distraction than a help.  If you have a fireplace, lighting that for ambiance would be lovely.  Other options include kid-safe lanterns (my son has a Thomas the Train one) or battery-operated candles.   
• “WORK” BOOKS:  Word-search (pick these up at the dollar store) and Mad-Lib books.   Be sure to have washable markers on hand for these, since you’re likely sitting on the floor and might get marker on clothes, rug, or skin.  Our favorite markers are the multicultural skin-tone markers by Crayola, though I'd use them for art and not just to mark words on a word-search book.  
• SENSORY:  For kiddos with sensory needs, have what they require nearby:  wiggle cushion, chewy necklace (these are our favorite due to durability and affordability), fidget toy, skin brush, etc.   You can use Playdoh and letter stamps as a sensory-friendly literacy activity.  
• SPECIAL SNACK:  We have chosen not to do this, as our reading time is right after dinner and the kids’ teeth are already brushed, but if you want to, include a simple, delicious snack that’s easy to clean up.  I suggest a homemade trail mix or popcorn, made in advance, and spill-proof cups.  

5:  Time frame.

Decide how long you’re reading time will last.  We decided as long as things were going well, we’d continue, but as soon as child #1 started melting down, it was time to wrap things up.   If our time was only 15 minutes, so be it.  If it lasts an hour or more, great.  If we have to stop fairly early, you can always have older kids move to their rooms and continue reading while you put younger kids to bed.   

It’s important to note that we have opted NOT to take away this time as punishment.  Again, if a child is melting down, then that child needs to head to bed and the other kiddos can continue activities in their rooms.  

6:  Goal.

What, at the end of the time, do you hope to accomplish?  For us, as I stated earlier, it’s to connect and calm down, as well as focus on literacy.  By not allowing electronics, we promote eye contact, listening, creativity, and focus. 

During story time, we ask each child what he/she would like to do, being open to change.  On our first night, our oldest chose to do puzzle pairs and then move to a Mad Lib book.   My son opted to do a letter puzzle, and then flashcards, while my other daughter picked story cards; then when they were done with these, they wanted to listen to me read several LoveMonster books we chose at the library.   The baby played nearby or was held by one of us.   Sometimes we worked with the kids (reading or guiding through activities), while other times we were observers.  

Give it a whirl, Sugars!  And please let me know how it goes, what you tried that worked, and anything I should add to my supply list. 

-This post contains Amazon affiliate links.